I don't understand people/letting go of relationships
By Sissy15
@sissy15 (12290)
United States
June 21, 2022 1:00am CST
Sometimes I don't understand people...ok a lot of the time I don't understand people. In this instance, I don't understand how people can have the nerve to go years without saying a word to you and then out of nowhere message you about going to a party where they try and sell you something. If you couldn't be bothered to talk to me at any other point what makes you think it's ok to try and sell me stuff?
Other times there is family who has never once gone to any of the events I have invited them to but then ask me to go to their events. My one brother said they'll never go to any party past the first birthday party so I stopped inviting them and now don't go to any of their stuff and they wonder why. You don't need to bring presents just show up and be present is all I ask but I stopped. I wanted my son to know his family so I invited people but most had no desire to come and eventually I got the message loud and clear and stopped inviting people and in return didn't go to theirs either. It may sound petty but I get tired of putting in all of the effort and getting none in return.
I don't get how people can expect so much when they give nothing in return. I used to make all of the effort into relationships until I got tired and figured if I don't mean that much to them why on earth am I trying so hard to keep connections open?
There comes a time in life where you realize who matters most. You realize who your friends are and which family members you can count on. I stopped putting time and effort into relationships for my own sanity. It bothers me that they can ignore me for so long and then wonder what my problem is. My family has enjoyed talking about me for years but don't appreciate the same in return.
I do my best not to ask them for anything and I stopped inviting them to things to save them the guilty conscience of not showing up. I also won't go to their events. I used to until I realized how little effort they made to maintain relationships. My sisters are way more likely to go to things than my brothers so I try and do things in return for them. I stopped doing anything for my one brother and stopped inviting him to everything. I was never close to him. I was at one time close to his kids because they're close in age to me and I grew up with them the way most people do cousins but I hold his kids to their own standards.
They stopped talking to me at some point even when I tried to reconnect with them. I was often ignored so I stopped caring and stopped inviting them to things and ignore their invites. You can't go years without talking to me and then send me an invite for your child's birthday party and then people actually wonder why I don't show up. When did they go to a single one of my son's parties? When have they once sent me a message or even said hi? I don't ask for a lot but when you can't send me so much as a "hey how are you doing?" and then invite me to your child's birthday party no I'm not going to go.
I guess I just don't understand how people feel it's ok to ask for things from people they don't even talk to. I do what I can to help people I feel really need it or those I care about but I won't be going to any parties. I am not spending my time somewhere I have no desire to be for people who don't even have the courtesy to check and see how I'm doing on occasion. I used to go out of my way to talk to people and see how they were until I realized it works both ways. No one seems to understand why I am this way but it's because I get tired of being the only one that cares. I love them but I've come to accept that sometimes life is better when I stop worrying about people who don't worry about me and stop putting in the effort when that effort isn't reciprocated. If they don't understand that's no longer my problem.
I'm at this point in my life where I am ok with not talking to people. I'm ok with not being close to people who wouldn't do half of what I do for them if the shoe was on the other foot. I care about people but I am just tired. I pray for them and I wish them the best but I will not play a part in their life much the way they don't play a part in mine. They don't even think about me until they need or want something. I am just tired. Life is precious and I want to spend it with those who care about me as much as I care about them. I don't want to waste my time in places I don't feel comfortable just to make someone else happy when they have never shown an ounce of care about my own happiness.
I don't understand people and I probably never will but I have learned that that's ok. I've learned it's ok to wish someone well and cut ties. I've learned it's ok to just worry about those closest to you. It's not that I stopped caring about people I've just quit caring enough to try and salvage relationships with people who obviously don't have the desire to be a part of my life. I don't want to waste my life trying to please others and doing things I hate for people who can't be bothered to message me from time to time. I understand life happens. I understand that relationships won't be like they were when we were kids but if you can go several years without attempting to send out a simple hi from time to time then chances are they don't really care that much to begin with. I go months without talking to my friends but we all message each other when it's important to say hi or to find a time to hang out.
I have a "friend" who has never messaged me unless she wants my help with something and I used to message her saying hi but I stopped a couple of years ago and I don't think she has noticed. You learn things the hard way sometimes. Never dismiss your own peace for someone who doesn't care about yours.
5 people like this
8 responses
@Laurakemunto (12862)
• Kenya
21 Jun 22
When the relationship is toxic and you do everything to save all in vain and it's at the expense of your life or health, quitting is the best way to go
2 people like this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
22 Jun 22
I really don't know how to address that, because we generally don't have parties anymore and we invite families and friends to attend. When birthdays happen in my family it is usually very close, intimate and we seldom invite anyone. But I guess we have to abide by their decision if they're not concerned. There may be other reasons for not doing so.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
22 Jun 22
@sissy15 I think it's a sales tactic used by those in the sales group to entice potential clients with parties. For those of us who are introverted, I believe it is a no-no, but for those who like to party, it is a great opportunity to meet new people. That presents a chance for salespeople to present their case and generate money at the same time.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
24 Jun 22
@rsa101 I get the point of it but when your goal is to shake down every person you've ever met for money it just seems tacky to me especially when you haven't bothered to talk to half of these people in years but suddenly want to use them for monetary gain? That to me is using people.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
22 Jun 22
I'm referring to parties where people sell people or with family birthday parties...although I received a few birthday invites for a friend's kid when I hadn't even spoken to the friend in years. My point is I don't want to go and I find the people have a lot of nerve to ask especially when it's to sell stuff. The birthday parties are usually family that used to be close but aren't anymore. We have been having mostly friend parties for my son the past few years. He had about eight kids at his last birthday party that we had at a bowling alley. I invite people I am close to. I don't go inviting people I haven't talked to in years to them. I don't understand those that do. I definitely won't be buying products from people who haven't bothered to say so much as hi to me in years.
1 person likes this
@Fa_Maverick (9487)
• Australia
21 Jun 22
My father went no contact for 3 years after broken promises of phone calls for christmas and birthdays or even regular days... Then messaged me one day asking for my number... I didnt send it to him. You dont go 3 years not talking to your daughter then want her number to tell her youre getting married... The day after his wedding he blocked me.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
22 Jun 22
Wow, that's too bad. I feel for people who have that happen with parents. For me it's mostly my siblings and nieces and nephews I don't really talk to anymore. I'm still pretty close to my parents. I talk to all of my sisters in varying degrees and one of my brothers sometimes. It's hard for me because at one time I was close to some of them and now it's like everyone hates each other or just don't have anything to do with each other. My nieces and nephews have kids and I've only met a few of them and even then it was only once or twice and the rest I haven't met at all. I work at an elementary school and I know my niece's one daughter will be attending soon and when the one kindergarten teacher asked me the name I had a hard time remembering it and told her that even though the kid is my great niece I am not remotely close to her. I have a hard time remembering all of their names at times because I really haven't even met most of them. My son is older than their kids so they all met him because that was before we all seemed to stop talking. It's hard sometimes knowing that people who were once such a big part of your life have basically become strangers. I used to try and keep up connections but I got tired of it being one sided. I feel like people seem to think they can just come out of the woodwork when they want something and then ignore you the rest of the time.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
24 Jun 22
@Fa_Maverick I understand people having families and things but I feel like the least they can do is just reach out and say hi every so many months. It's pretty sad that they would do that to you. It just shows you how crappy family can be sometimes. Blood isn't everything. There is a handful of people I'd do about anything for but beyond that handful, I really don't bother anymore. I have a couple of friends who I don't talk to all the time but we all randomly message each other out of the blue but we don't expect much because we understand we all have lives.
1 person likes this
@Fa_Maverick (9487)
• Australia
22 Jun 22
@sissy15 Yeah I never hear from my cousins either unless I message them. They all work, have families (of varying degrees) of their own and one lives in a different time zone so I can understand not having much time. But we didn't even do anything for Easter this year which we always do even if it is just lunch... I got told nothing was happening but then they put pictures on social media that they had a gathering.
1 person likes this
@58lordstreet (1668)
•
21 Jun 22
you should probably only invite people that you actually want there and not expect anything in return.
We used to own a hotel and would put on free food and drink on new years eve, but NO..... people would rather go out and spend money lol.....I can understand them not staying the whole time but not to turn up is a bit sad
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
22 Jun 22
That's pretty much what I used to do and found out which family were the ones I should bother with. It wasn't the parties that made me stop talking to them but those were kind of the last straw. When I was greeted with people who would expect me to go to their things but never come to mine and then on top of that just didn't really talk to me in between. To be fair my oldest sibling I've never been close to but I'd invite him because it felt wrong to invite the others and not him but when he made it clear he didn't want to come I stopped inviting him and stopped going to his. I was close to his kids though and they stopped talking to me and never wanted to go to my son's parties but wanted me to go to their kids things and I said no and called it a day. So many people will invite me to things still or invite me to parties they're hosting in order to sell things and I just can't grasp why they would expect me to buy things from them when they've not bothered talking to me in years. I think people refuse to go to parties for various reasons and sometimes that reason is that they barely know the people anymore. I don't go to parties because I really don't like parties. I go if it's someone I'm close to or if they have gone to mine. I don't even really enjoy hosting parties because they're a lot of effort but sometimes you do things for other people. I have birthday parties for my son and I host holiday events for people who have nowhere else to go but even then I can't wait for the night to end even if I am having fun because I can only handle so much social interaction. I really do enjoy hanging out with smaller groups of people like our Easter was pretty good with like six people. I enjoy things like that but huge parties stress me out.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12290)
• United States
24 Jun 22
@58lordstreet Well it's not always parties so much as gatherings. I have them mostly for family because of my mom. She wants us all together and no one else wants to do it but fortunately, it seems like no one wants to come anyway. My son wants a birthday party and I'd do about anything for him and that's only once a year so I think I can handle that once a year. I have gotten good at putting on a happy face even when I'm stressed. Many years of experience when my parents forced me to go to parties I didn't want to go to.
@58lordstreet (1668)
•
22 Jun 22
@sissy15 I guess you should do what you want ;-) if you dont like large parties it might show when you have them , so probably best not to bother
1 person likes this
@Philricmind (27)
• India
21 Jun 22
We are actually alone, in the crowd of people around us. No matter, whether they're known or unknown to us.
2 people like this
@m_audrey6788 (58472)
• Germany
21 Jun 22
Yes. I experienced that with friends, inviting me to their event when they don`t even bother to come and visit me when I invited them. Anyway, I respect their decision. That`s their life. I just focus and give importance to those who is there.
1 person likes this