Remembering the Good Times

By Val
@valmnz (17097)
New Zealand
July 28, 2022 1:22pm CST
My husband passed away three years ago and life has been a bit of a roller coaster since then. We had 48 wonderful years of marriage together. There've been so many ups and downs since his passing, learning to adapt to my new life, but I'm getting there. I get through by remembering the good times we had together. At first I over compensated for my loneliness, going out everyday to do things, just for the sake of it. I felt I needed to talk to someone face to face every day. I probably did back then, but quickly burnt out from trying too hard to prove how well I was coping. The Covid lockdowns and ongoing restrictions were the worst. Our first lockdown came only nine months after losing my husband. The house seemed screamingly lonely, but my sister and friends made an effort to keep in touch. It's taken a while but I now feel strong enough to create new directions in my life. Good directions, finding joy in the world around me again. Even now, during the low times, I make an effort to remember the good times from my 48 year marriage. There were plenty of them. And now I'm ready to create new memories as I move forward on my own. The photo above is one of my favourite walking places in a nearby town.
13 people like this
14 responses
YoghurtGal
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
28 Jul 22
The beauty of memories is it lives on in our hearts and it can fuel us to expect that better days are possible.
2 people like this
Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
28 Jul 22
Thank you. Yes, I agree. It is preferable to stay positive about thos good times, than mope about things lost.
2 people like this
YoghurtGal
@flapiz (23148)
• United Kingdom
28 Jul 22
@valmnz yes as they say don't cry it's over be happy it happened. You had 48 good marriage and that is a beautiful thing.
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Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
28 Jul 22
@flapiz I do have to keep reminding myself that. Thank you.
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Ruby Hawk
@RubyHawk (99405)
• Atlanta, Georgia
29 Jul 22
I understand. It will be two years in August that my son passed away and I year in September since Leo passed away. I’ve struggled trying to find some sort of balance. I’m gradually coming to terms with it but I’m not there yet.
2 people like this
Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
29 Jul 22
Just take it slowly Ruby. You've had even more than I to cope with. I don't think we'll ever be there, will we? But we can make the journey easier.
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Ruby Hawk
@RubyHawk (99405)
• Atlanta, Georgia
30 Jul 22
@valmnz I hope so. I believe it takes time, loneliness, and sorrow to come out on the other side.
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Toni
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
31 Jul 22
I'm glad to hear you're coping. I can imagine how difficult it was during the covid. I would have done the same as you if I were in your situation. I would probably be wanting to be around people.
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Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
31 Jul 22
I've now found a balance between enjoying being in company and enjoying being on my own.
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Fiacre Banks
@xFiacre (13014)
• Ireland
28 Jul 22
@valmnz These things take their time. I hope there are many new memories to add to the old ones.
2 people like this
Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
29 Jul 22
Thanks Fiacre, I've started trying to just that again.
2 people like this
Anindita Sengupta
@aninditasen (16389)
• Raurkela, India
29 Jul 22
I too lost my husband suddenly in 2020 November. I was in distressed for quite a long time and confided to my home. I live with his memories now and have gained strength to face the world.
1 person likes this
Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
29 Jul 22
It's whole new process of building strength and confidence, isn't it. I'm glad to hear you too are moving forward
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Anindita Sengupta
@aninditasen (16389)
• Raurkela, India
30 Jul 22
@valmnz Yes, am moving forward with his fond memories and the love of my sons.
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Luis Asuncion
@luisga814 (7140)
• Quezon City, Philippines
28 Jul 22
Yes. Remembering the good things is one of the best reason to overcome the burden of losing the love ones.
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Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
28 Jul 22
Thank you Luis. I'm starting to enjoy making new memories too.
1 person likes this
Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
28 Jul 22
@luisga814 such life events happen to us all over the years, but it's still hard when it happens to you. Look after your mother
Luis Asuncion
@luisga814 (7140)
• Quezon City, Philippines
28 Jul 22
@valmnz I've seen that with my mother when my father passed away.
1 person likes this
celticeagle
@celticeagle (166912)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Jul 22
Sorry to hear of your husband's passing. Loss is hard. Takes time to heal from it and move on. I am glad to hear that you are finding joy in the world again. Enjoy the good memories and try making some new ones.
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Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
28 Jul 22
Thanks. That sounds like good advice to me.
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Sanjeev
@sjvg1976 (41281)
• Delhi, India
29 Jul 22
I can understand. It is not easy to lose someone you love. Good thing is that you can create new directions in life now and find joy in this world.
1 person likes this
Stacey
@xstitcher (32465)
• Petaluma, California
30 Jul 22
I'm still learning to adapt to a new life after losing my Mom. We will both get better.
OceanTiara
@RebeccasFarm (89882)
• Arvada, Colorado
29 Jul 22
A horrible thing those lock downs to come upon you at that lonely time poor Val. RIP your beloved
1 person likes this
Marlina
@marlina (154131)
• Canada
30 Jul 22
I am so glad that you have so many good memories of good times with your husband
Eva James
@wolfgirl569 (106226)
• Marion, Ohio
29 Jul 22
Its never easy to lose someone. Glad things are getting better for you
1 person likes this
Val
@valmnz (17097)
• New Zealand
29 Jul 22
I still have my moments, but less frequently now. I've till got a lot of living to do.
1 person likes this
Judy Evans
@JudyEv (339930)
• Rockingham, Australia
29 Jul 22
I'm sure there is a tremendous amount of adjusting to do when you lose a partner after so many years together. We recently lost a sister-in-law and Vince's brother is a bit lost at the moment.
1 person likes this
Shiva
@Shiva49 (26681)
• Singapore
29 Jul 22
It is not easy especially with the Covid virus hounding us. Good that you are now moving on. I retired four years ago and my life has changed. At times, I look back at my busy days rather wistfully.