I will win this battle
@shaggin (72131)
United States
October 27, 2022 6:09pm CST
My husband and I got into an argument not longer after he moved in about two years ago. I didn’t want to wash his dishes. He refused to wash them and I just gave in and did it so they weren’t sitting around piled up anymore.
About two weeks ago I put his thermos in the sink to wash that he had used the night before. He got mad and told me to ask before touching his cups that he was going to us it. I said it’s gross that each morning I wash all the cups that were used the night before.
So I told him to wash his own cups from now on.
He left them in the sink and when it’s time for me to wash the pans and the cups would be covered in grease or broke I’ve set them in a box in the back room. He knows where they are and can use them anytime he wants to wash them.
This morning I got up and the plastic cups I use to brew my coffee and my daughter uses to drink out of are gone. I can’t figure out what he did with them but whatever. He also took my daughters thermos to work lol. I’m guessing he only took it on the drive as there’s no way he would have taken that one in to work in front of everyone it’s to girly.
I don’t care if he takes away every cup in there I’ll never wash his dishes for him again. Especially since he didn’t have the decency to stay here and celebrate my sons birthday I’m just fed up. I’m not his slave and just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I should have to clean up after him all the time. He doesn’t put his own clothes away, he leaves his dirty clothes on the bedroom floor, he never helps pick up any of the babies toys etc. The least he can do is wash his own cups!
Photo shows the box of cups he’s used and won’t wash that is now over full so I had to start a second box.
21 people like this
23 responses
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@DaddyEvil it’s like waves good and bad over the years
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137257)
• United States
28 Oct 22
I've been pissed off at him since before she married him!
6 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (82791)
• United States
28 Oct 22
I certainly hope you can resolve this issue and eventually don't wind up with no cups at all. I believe husbands should help around the house and at least pick up after themselves
4 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@Marilynda1225 oh that saying can’t live with them can’t live without them applies often. I mean in reality I could live without him but I don’t want to.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@Marilynda1225 I don’t mind doing the laundry and cleaning but he makes a mess of the stove and the top of the microwave etc and never wipes it up. That’s the stuff that really irritates me. I have given away probably 40 cups and there’s still a ton in my cellar from when my grandparents lived here that I haven’t gotten weeded out yet. He’ll be at this a long time if he tries to take away all my cups 
.
.3 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (82791)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@shaggin I agree about the wiping up and cleaning up after yourself. I don't think you'll run out of cups anytime soon if you have a ton in your cellar Men can be annoying but it's hard to live without them 
Men can be annoying but it's hard to live without them 1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47308)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
28 Oct 22
I like that you put them in a diaper box.
3 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@BarbaraPrz it was the only box I had at the time but does seem funny now that you mention it
it was the only box I had at the time but does seem funny now that you mention it3 people like this
@allknowing (136369)
• India
28 Oct 22
Hope better sense will prevail and he will make attempts to have a nice environment around you.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@allknowing thank you maybe eventually he will grow up
2 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@allknowing you don’t think we should all be responsible for washing our own dishes?
2 people like this
@allknowing (136369)
• India
28 Oct 22
@shaggin Not eventually - now is the time. This thing about splitting the washing of dishes depending on who has used them does not seem right Sorry to be saying this but something is seriously not OK with your set up. You as a woman should do something about this and bring peace in the household. Once again sorry for saying this.
3 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (89882)
• Arvada, Colorado
28 Oct 22
I am so sorry Shanny, you are saddled with such a humongous baby man.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@RebeccasFarm that’s funny. About 6 months ago I texted my sister and said I had two babies here today .. one being my husband.
that’s funny. About 6 months ago I texted my sister and said I had two babies here today .. one being my husband.2 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@JudyEv some things can be gross to use after like hot chocolate followed by water. My kids don’t care they hate washing cups and say it doesn’t make the juice taste bad after having hot cocoa in the cup. Fine by me they are the ones having to wash the cup.
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (180674)
• United States
28 Oct 22
I had that issue here with roomie which was one thing I was fed up with. It wasn't up to me to deal with his stupid dirty dishes. It wasn't that bad with the dishwasher, but that has been out of commission for awhile, although I will probably get it fixed shortly, but it would just make me mad when he would walk past them every day and made no attempt to do them. I am glad you are standing up for yourself...but really, I think you guys need counseling. I understand about not wanting a failed marriage, but better than a failed life. He should treat you with dignity and respect, and if he can't sayonara.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@snowy22315 I don’t think things are bad enough to leave him. I feel like with this baby we have together we have to find a way to work things out. I’m not washing his cups he will have to learn to stop thinking I’m his slave. I’m not giving in so he will have no choice to eventually accept it and take care of them himself. It’s awful my husband is this way but your roommate shocks me thinking it was okay to leave it all for you to take care of. 
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@snowy22315 communicating what’s bothering me is tough. I get anxiety even thinking about having to bring things up to him. I get sick to my stomach over it. I worry about what he will get mad about and usually he doesn’t get mad so I worry for nothing. My parents fought so bad my sister and I would hide under blankets together and cry. I didn’t want they around my own kids. Their father would yell at me and be nasty to me for hours after they went to bed until I just went to bed to get away from him. Then I left him. My husband is one to yell too and when he starts being loud due to all that in the past I start shaking.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180674)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@shaggin He would do them after I nagged him 10x anyway he is out of my hair. You don't have to leave him. Just you need to find a way to communicate with him. It doesn't bode well for the future if he continues to ignore your needs, the way he always seems to do.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (222989)
• Chile
28 Oct 22
You surely have a problem. I hope you talk it over with your husband and solve it. Maybe now that he has to stay put you can talk to him.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@marguicha he goes to work every day. Wonder what cup of mine he will take away tomorrow. He took the whole stack of plastic ones today
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5644)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
29 Oct 22
Well, it looks like he thinks he lives in a hotel. He thinks you have to do everything in the house.
Even if he pays all of the bills, he still needs to clean his own dishes, his things, do his laundry and dry his cloths and take them to his closet.
If for example, he lived alone, who would do all of the chores ?
If you both live together, you can split the chores while he pays the bills, so you win win, he has easier life, and so are you, but, he needs to change his attitude, you don't owe him, it is your apartment.
It is for both of you to have some more comfortable house managing: you both do what it takes, not just you.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@stringer321 I don’t want to be a single mother again. I don’t want him raising our daughter on his own. I would never accept money from my children. It’s very different in America then where you are I think. My parents actually own the house not me. My husband has put a lot of money into fixing it up but he starts projects and doesn’t finish them so it’s a problem.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@stringer321 I think that all the time what would he do if he lived alone? When it was just him and his son living together his son had to do all the chores. I do a lot and get no free time. He works but has lots of free time after. I feel like old mother Hubbard but instead of no bones I have no cups .
.1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5644)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
29 Oct 22
@shaggin I can suggest you ask your daughter and son to help you with money and chores, so you can tell your husband goodbye, since it is your apartment. It is not fair if he worked and got some rest, and then he doesn't help.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (68000)
• United States
28 Oct 22
He doesn’t sound like the most appealing gentleman on earth….
2 people like this
@CarolDM (203422)
• Nashville, Tennessee
28 Oct 22
So sorry you are going through this. I agree you are nobody's slave. You have so much to do and a little help would d be nice. Hope i didn't say too much. I just hope you two can work these issues out. You both deserve to be happy. Life is too short to live like this.
2 people like this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
@CarolDm we should be fine but when he didn’t stay for my sons birthday I felt like this was a turning point where if I looked back someday on where my marriage went bad this would be it. I just hope things get better. I already have one failed marriage I don’t ever want to go through that again especially with a little one.
3 people like this
@Nakitakona (56486)
• Philippines
11 Dec 22
What unhealthy atmosphere in your house due to not washing the used dishes.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
12 Dec 22
@Nakitakona we have a back room that is unheated. I put boxes out there they need to be burned, air conditioners in there over the winter, a bag of recycling etc. the boxes of his dishes where our there too but I have washed them all now
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
18 Dec 22
@Nakitakona I wish it was that way here
1 person likes this
@Nakitakona (56486)
• Philippines
18 Dec 22
@shaggin That sounds good. No winter in our place.
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (81921)
• Onaway, Michigan
28 Oct 22
He is being childish you don’t need to put up with that
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@Tina30219 he thinks as his father did that it he works he shouldn’t have to do anything else. I think that’s an old outdated way of thinking. I’m not putting up with it anymore he won’t have cups to use it he doesn’t wash them.
@Tina30219 (81921)
• Onaway, Michigan
29 Oct 22
@shaggin You are doing the right thing
1 person likes this
@Fleura (30388)
• United Kingdom
28 Oct 22
This sounds like when I used to share a house as a student. My house-mates used to leave their dirty dishes in the sink and then take clean ones until there were no clean ones left, it drove me mad. Then they used to empty the tea-pot into the sink as well so the drain would get blocked with used tea-bags and the sink would fill up with dirty tea-coloured water and the used dishes would all get covered in a layer of brown. After a short while I couldn't stand it any more, I got a big dustbin and stood it in the kitchen and just put all their dirty dishes in there so I could use the sink.
Of course this is far less funny and more serious when it's your husband : (
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
28 Oct 22
I have a screen over the sink drain to catch things from going down in and plugging it. Often times my husband will dump something in and it will fill up that screen and then the water starts filling the sink and the dishes get a nasty film on them. If everyone washes their dishes right after using them it wouldn’t be such a problem. The kids are all good about it but my husband refuses.
It doesn’t sound funny to me what you had to deal with back then either . It sounds very irritating.
. It sounds very irritating.1 person likes this
@noni1959 (10095)
• United States
30 Oct 22
I remember him not there for your son's birthday. He is disrespectful. You have a full-time job with your child so some chores should be shared at home. He should clean up after himself but sounds like he never will. It's sad this will escalate and not get better.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
30 Oct 22
@noni1959 he is proving to be so much more selfish then I ever realized. It’s ridiculous when he doesn’t clean up after himself. I almost always just do it but if he can’t even wash his own cups after he uses them after yelling at me I will be be less inclined to clean up after him. When my kids leave a mess I call them back out to clean it up.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67085)
• United States
8 Nov 22
Man babies. And I use the word man veryyy lightly. 
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
8 Nov 22
@Courtlynn yeah they grow up way to slow
yeah they grow up way to slow1 person likes this
@porwest (90823)
• United States
29 Oct 22
This seems like a bit of a problematic situation. I am not sure I have an answer other than to say "y'all need to work together." lol. I DO believe that the workload for a stay-at-home mom should be greater than the one out bringing home the bacon so to speak. BUT, as you said, that does NOT mean you become a slave to the breadwinner either. It is still a give and take, and marriage is each other helping each other out.
I do not live there and do not know your financial situation. I do not know if he thinks you are lazy—I mean, I knew a guy once who was fine with his wife being a stay at home wife. But when he came home to a dirty house and found she was just lazying around, he became less inclined to be helpful because of course she was simply taking advantage of not having to work.
Either way, I hope you can get things figured out and worked out. Life is too short to be miserable. But I do also think it is important that the both of you look deep within yourselves to figure out if some of his thoughts may be warranted based on the circumstances, and likewise yours.
Honesty is as important in a relationship as are fidelity and communication.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@porwest oh man I just wrote out a long response and when I went to take a photo of the current view I have of my living room while I’m holding the napping baby the page messed up and what I wrote is gone.
I keep a pretty tidy house. I need to put a few of the babies toys away and the dogs toy but countless times during the day I put the blocks back in the bucket, put the rings back on her stacking toy, put all the books back in place that she takes out and reads and makes a mess of etc. He’s never once picked up a single toy of hers and put it away.
I do a lot for him cleaning up messed he makes because it’s easier to just do it fast then to complain and try to get him to do things. I do wish I had more time to keep the house spotless but I do the best I can and he never complains about how the house looks. For two years after eating dinner he just got up and left the table without putting his dirty dishes in the sink. I finally said something about that a few months ago and usually he puts them in the sink now but now always. I can deal with the not always though better then it being never.
P.s. there wouldn’t be so many toys in here in one spot if my husband would finish the dining room he has been remodeling for months and not working my on much. He’s busy a lot but just saying why it’s so cluttered in here.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72131)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@snowy22315 this is the ugly living room carpet. Now you have seen two of the 4 carpets in my house. My stepsons room matches this carpet.
@porwest (90823)
• United States
29 Oct 22
@shaggin I have to admit, that looks pretty tidy to me and I would personally have no complaints there. Sorry your other response got lost. Hate when that sort of thing happens.
I will also admit that I am not as helpful as I could be, and even probably should be. I think it is a guy thing, really. Who knows why? I think it is just in our genes or something. Probably a throwback from the cave days when the men hunted and the women did...
Well, women things. lol.
Either way, I think another thing that is important in a marriage is understanding that sometimes we are simply who we are, and sometimes it is a moot effort to try to change someone. My wife has certain things she does that drives me nuts and I do things that drive her nuts.
We either learn to accept that or we have problems. I'd rather just accept what is and move on. Ultimately you never really "win" an argument. If you continue the arguments you eventually simply grow apart and divorce.
Because people get tired of arguing.
1 person likes this
