Would You Be Offended?
@LeaPea2417 (37369)
Toccoa, Georgia
March 27, 2023 4:04pm CST
If you were invited to a party through a third person not through an official invitation through the mail or email, or phone call, would you be offended? Would you attend the party?
I have a relative who I really don't know. I have not seen him in years. But, my parents see him at least once a year. He is having a party and invited my parents.
According to my Mom, they mentioned me and my family on the phone when they were talking about the party he and his family were having. He said my family and I were invited.
But, I have literally never really talked to him. Why can't he get my phone number or my email address or my actual address and send me a formal invitation?
I will admit I already told my parents no. I didn't tell them why. My husband, son and I should be invited properly, through a invitation in the mail, or an email or a phone call.
He should have asked my Mom for my address or my email or my phone number.
41 people like this
45 responses
@snowy22315 (181948)
• United States
27 Mar 23
I probably wouldn't be offended but clearly you were an afterthought, so I don't blame you for not going.
9 people like this
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
27 Mar 23
Not everyone wants someone they don't know well's phone number or email especially if you don't have their number or email address it might end up in the spam box. It sounds like you offend that they didn't ask you directly and told you, parents, that you are welcome to come. When someone extends through another family member it's out of politeness or courtesy it's for them to make you feel offended you take it as being offensive since it wasn't directly to you.
The only way to get to know someone better is to either take the olive branch given to you or not at all. If in the future, you want to be invited directly maybe you should ask your parents for their information and to let them know you will like to in the future invited them to something please keep a look out and say to give them your number or email them directly so it doesn't end up in the spam/ Junk or be deleted if its a text or phone call.
8 people like this
@much2say (55901)
• Los Angeles, California
27 Mar 23
Me, I wouldn't go. My parents were all about "proper" invitations. I'd feel the same as you.
My cousin (whom I haven't seen since childhood) invited me to her daughter's wedding via a Facebook message. She said her daughter really wanted us to be there (oh really, she has no clue who I am!). And she told me to tell my sister too. This was a week before the wedding - seriously? We were thinking maybe they needed more people there - we would fill some seats 
. Well we didn't go.
My aunt called my parents one time to invite us all to another aunt's son's wedding. The family was in a feud as it was - plus my aunt wasn't even a host - was this a legit invitation? Why didn't that family invite us themselves? We didn't go.
. Well we didn't go.
My aunt called my parents one time to invite us all to another aunt's son's wedding. The family was in a feud as it was - plus my aunt wasn't even a host - was this a legit invitation? Why didn't that family invite us themselves? We didn't go.6 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (37369)
• Toccoa, Georgia
28 Mar 23
I understand. They should have personally invited you.
4 people like this
@much2say (55901)
• Los Angeles, California
29 Mar 23
@LeaPea2417 Yah, especially since they were formal events.
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (51452)
• Canada
27 Mar 23
I agree with you, he could have contacted you with information from your mother, provided that your mother has your permission to give out your information. My brother gave my cell number to a cousin and I didn't want her to have that and I corrected that brother, but he gave it to another relative after that, so I just feel sorry for him as he needs a hearing aid I suppose. 
7 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137460)
• United States
28 Mar 23
One of my brothers gave my phone number to someone I didn't know so they could call me and ask for help with a phone... I told the person that I didn't to that work anymore... I asked my brother not to give my number out again... Then he gave it to someone else... I told my brother if he gave my number out again I'd change it and I wouldn't give him the new number.
4 people like this
@Juliaacv (51452)
• Canada
28 Mar 23
@DaddyEvil We must have the same brother.
Seriously, he once gave it to a sister-in-law who put it on FB and a long lost cousin called me.
The last series of texts that that particular brother sent to me I did not answer. Finally he blurted out to me that in the end of February he was given 8 weeks notice at his workplace and he will be out of a job. I never responded, I am trying to teach him how to keep quiet.
Seriously, he once gave it to a sister-in-law who put it on FB and a long lost cousin called me.
The last series of texts that that particular brother sent to me I did not answer. Finally he blurted out to me that in the end of February he was given 8 weeks notice at his workplace and he will be out of a job. I never responded, I am trying to teach him how to keep quiet.4 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137460)
• United States
28 Mar 23
@Juliaacv Good grief!
I hope things work out between you and your brother.
My oldest sister had Alzheimer's and didn't know me anymore... I didn't want to go see her like that even when my other sister kept insisting... Then my brother gave my number to my niece, the daughter of my oldest sister. She kept calling and calling telling me her mom really wanted to see me. I knew my sister didn't want to see me... she wanted to see the little boy she remembered and I wasn't him anymore but she didn't understand. I finally blocked my niece so she'd stop. She wouldn't take no for an answer.
4 people like this
@Fleura (30539)
• United Kingdom
27 Mar 23
Initially (when I read the title) I would have said yes I would be. But when I found it is from a relative who is close to your parents I changed my mind. He probably feels he has a connection to you through your parents. I would be inclined to go. At least you will see your parents there! You may get a chance to get to know your relative (and maybe other people too) and make a new connection, otherwise that link will be lost when your parents die. And if you find that you and the relative really don't get along or have no interest in building a friendly relationship, at least you know that and can let it drop.
7 people like this
@allknowing (137553)
• India
28 Mar 23
May be they thought inviting you through your parents was fine since you have never interacted. I am not a party goer and that would be the reason I would not go.
6 people like this
@cttolledo (5454)
• Legaspi, Philippines
28 Mar 23
I would not be offended. It's your relative anyway, and as you've mentioned you haven't seen him in years so how they can reach you to invite you? or maybe he is thinking that it's enough that he relayed his invitation to your family through your mom. In my country, once you are a relative or part of your family tree, a formal invitation is not necessary.
6 people like this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
27 Mar 23
Among my family, casual third-party invitations are a normal thing, unless someone is getting married. If it's a birthday, graduation, cookout, etc, an aunt or uncle, asking my mom to pass along the invitation to my sisters and me is normal.
6 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137460)
• United States
28 Mar 23
I wouldn't go without a direct invitation from the person having the party. If he really wanted to meet you and your family, he could have worded an invitation sent to your parent's address to include you by name as well as the rest of your family.
I once got an indirect invitation like that through a friend... I didn't go. I wasn't mentioned by name and it seemed to me that I was invited because the friend lived with me... I never heard anything else about the party before it was held or afterwards.
5 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (37369)
• Toccoa, Georgia
28 Mar 23
Yes, an address sent to my parents with my name included.
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137460)
• United States
28 Mar 23
@LeaPea2417 Exactly...
I would consider it rude if someone I didn't invite showed up at a party I was giving.
3 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (107859)
• Marion, Ohio
28 Mar 23
It would depend on the type of party. Also coming through my parents is understandable as he knows them
5 people like this
@Treborika (17850)
• Mombasa, Kenya
28 Mar 23
I wouldn't Go as I too have my own family to go with it
3 people like this
@RasmaSandra (80635)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 Mar 23
Yes, that is very wrong and you and your family should have been invited properly, I see no reason whey you weren't invited,
5 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29413)
• Eugene, Oregon
28 Mar 23
Well, I see mixed results in comments here, but if I thought it would be a good time, I might go.
6 people like this
@GardenGerty (160879)
• United States
28 Mar 23
I would not attend because I would not feel that the invitation was sincere. More like he was being pressured into including you. On the other hand my hubby would take me, if it was his family and so and so said that we should come. Different personalities when it comes to social occasions.
4 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (37369)
• Toccoa, Georgia
28 Mar 23
I feel like it was not sincere. I think he was just trying to be nice to my Mom.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (71520)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
28 Mar 23
It wouldn't bother me. The fact that someone, who might be a complete stranger to me, thought of me at all, is nice.
5 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (90295)
• Arvada, Colorado
27 Mar 23
What is he to you in fact?
But yes anyone with manners would do a proper invitation and no I would not go..only for the food haha
No, but seriously that is really weird.
No, but seriously that is really weird.4 people like this
@pitsipeahie (5011)
•
28 Mar 23
If that third party invitation is from other people, it wouldn't be okay with me. But within the family, that is fine with me. It doesn't offend me. Though I'll probably pass anyway because I'm not so much into attending gatherings even if it's a relative.
3 people like this
@zhangxueying (3339)
• China
28 Mar 23
I don't think I'll be angry, but whether you want to go depends on whether you want to meet them or not.
3 people like this
