My Husband Has A Drinking Problem HELP ME!
By bethack52
@bethack52 (407)
United States
December 1, 2006 1:46pm CST
I am at the point where I don’t know what to do, we have tried compromising, harm reduction which means he only drinks if it causes no harm, like he is not to drink and drive, and he is not to drink to where it causes him to get agree and aggressive, he says it helps him to calm down because a lot of bad stuff has happened in his life and we have had a rough relationship and marriage, it also effects his health he is diabetic and should not drink at all, we love each other so much but I don’t know if I can hold on any longer if things don’t start getting better, he brings home beer, which is better because at least I am not worried about him laying in a ditch somewhere, and I know when he drinks and sometimes we talk about it but the other side is the kids see it and sometimes he gets agree about stupid stuff because he is drinking, I have tried so hard to be there for him and let him go through his own process with out pressure but now I am just lost and starting to feel like I cant do it anymore!
29 people like this
155 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
1 Dec 06
You are in the Situation I was in apart from my EX Husband just loved his Social Life and drink
As you can see I am no longer married to him I stuck it for 21 years and then I could not anymore
I hope you do get it sorted but I have to say that all my Love for him was killed by him as it was only me trying not him
I really hope that you get it sorted but if you want to sort it then please don't let it get you to the Stage how it got me
Good luck to you and please let me know how you get on
@buffetwoman (623)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Hi. I understand what you mean. Although my ex-husband has a gambling problem, it's an addictive thing. Everything was my fault, he blew all my paychecks(from 2 jobs working 70-80 hours a week. He forced me to do that because according to him I was not making enough money to pay the bills) He receives a disability check with decent pay once a month. Believe me, if it wasn't for his gambling, the bills would be paid just fine. And all my love for him was killed by him too. I tried to do everything I could also. I even gamlbed with him. Like they say, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." That didn't work out well. He would get mad at me when I'd lose and tell me not to gamble anymore, just let him do it. He would say I was giving him bad karma when I sat with him and he'd lose. One night I told him he had a gambling problem(Mistake!) and he flew off the handle- he was driving, grabbed the collar on my coat and shook me. He told me he was going to kill me. We were heading for an overpass, and Good Lord, I thought he was going to drive off of it. Well, of course he didn't. I didn't call 911 because I thought, "It's my word against his." I am now married to an awesome man and we have a beautiful baby together. So, we both can relate to addictions.
@emarie (5442)
• United States
2 Dec 06
well is he to the point where you would consider him an alocholic?? if his drinking harms himself you or your children then that may be ground for in intervention. he won't quit until he's ready. like smokeing, which i'm trying to get him to quit because he's a diabetic as well. he needs to find another 'stress relief' like exersizing or something else that would get his mind of the troubles. does he drink more when he's fighting with you or is the drinking causing the fighting? people who are addicted to something have a hard time accepting it. he might need something tramatic to get his head in the game. i know its hard, but you have to stand by him. you can even suggest AA for him. talk to your family, get everyone involved the more people he sees really caring for him, the more he might think about quiting, good luck.
1 person likes this
@vipul20044 (5793)
• India
2 Dec 06
its better to make someone realise their mistakes intentionally so that they can get to know what other's think about them
Talk to him and tell him atleast if he has pleasure to drink, he can do that in limit
It isnt a neccessity to get high all the time
Tell him that the kids are having bad time with his habits
ANd he has a bad past, then why is he too eager on ruining the future
Talk to him and if things dont work out get to a counseler
1 person likes this
@birthlady (5609)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I am a former EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) and I used to work at the Triage Dept of the Emergency Room at a hospital. I can say from experience as an EMT that a diabetic crisis is not pretty. Please help your husband get medical help to stop drinking now. Also, there's groups with or without "12 steps" that will give your family help and emotional support. Don't wait, its a bad way to go...
1 person likes this
@juliocstryfe (2019)
• Brazil
1 Dec 06
I'd say sit down, tell him how mch its hrting youm and tell him that his problems wont go away if he drinks, just increase.
You'll need to replace the drink. He needs support, he needs to forget the bad stuff. Be the person to help him with that, and he wont ned the drink anymore.
Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@bethack52 (407)
• United States
5 Dec 06
I have tried that, i have done things for him i normally would not do because i am trying to show him he can come to me and i will do anything to help him not drink, he knows if he feels the need to drink to come to me and i will do what ever to get his mind off it and help him with the issues!!! He has came to me and i have dont this for him so this is i process, thanks for the comment!
@schwarzenegger (41)
• India
2 Dec 06
i believe now a days this problem has come up as a huge problem for the whole society.the worst thing about this habit is that,this is started as a way to mingle with friends at a young age.the person thinks that dat he will never let it be a habit and will quit it before its too late.but he cant understand when 2 stop and it becomes his biggest mistake of life.he started giving his family a second seat before his this habit.one can help this kind of persons only if that person wants to quit with this habit.because will power is very important here.there r many ways to avoid this.the person should try to keep himself busy in various activities.various medication are also available for this.and if this also doesnt help then the last option is to get him admitted in a hospital.professional doctors know better hou to tackale with such a situation.
@SunnyDays (1070)
• Bahamas
2 Dec 06
Please go on this Website - You will find great help and advise :
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
2 Dec 06
You can't help him. He will have to help himself. you just do whatever is best for you until he decides to come around..... if you are willing t wait that long. The best of luck to both of you.
@earthmama97 (597)
• United States
1 Dec 06
Wow, I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. This must be so hard for you. I'm not really sure what to recommend as my dh and I don't even drink. I will say a prayer for your family. I think if it coming to the point of affecting your children and your marriage you may need to get out of the situation until he can realize the harm he is doing. The children need to be told that you both love them but their dad has a problem he needs to work out. You need to be clear with him that he has to seek help or he will loose his family. Good luck and ((BIG Hug))
1 person likes this
@drsamra (154)
• New Zealand
2 Dec 06
Well this is a serious problem. The problem with drinking is it becomes addictive, like smoking, so a person might know he has to stop but finds it hard to do so.
I would suggest your husband try AA meetings.
And good luck, this is a very hard issue to tackle.
@deltagammanick (264)
• India
2 Dec 06
there r many rehabiliation centers for all these kinf people ...u can advice him or with the help of a doctor u can help him to go to the rehab centre and quit drinking once and for all
@shyam4uall (1002)
• India
2 Dec 06
I think u take take him to a counsellor and made him talk to his/her...
I would have to make him understand that u love himand takes care of him...
U should make him understood his drinking not only makes u unhappy but graetly damaging his health...
Hope all wents right..
@dinodixit (152)
• India
2 Dec 06
tell him frankly that it will kill him n this ur whole family!
if he wud let his desire to less.it wud b great.other wise leave him
@prakash784 (358)
• India
2 Dec 06
Dear friend ur situation is really pathetic..U cant see ur husband's health getting worse day by day..Juz make him realise the responsibility he has..Juz explain him about the condition of ur kids without him..Show him extra love and affection..
@pawanlavale (72)
• India
2 Dec 06
If u r getting too much hurt by him one rude suggestion is to give devours to him.
@nandlaljee (222)
• India
2 Dec 06
really if anyone is addicted to this then it is a big problem... the thing he need to do is to build his confidence to quiet.. second then there is some medicine also in homeopathic so consult any homeopathic doctor he wil help you...
