Hello, sadness

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Feeling a bit disillusioned lately Just the same old constant mental stimulation leading to general exhaustion Happens everytime when something is ending but not quite there yet (this time, it's this medical internship) And as a perpetual recluse, I haven't really been reaching out to friends or going out That is, unless I absolutely have to (out of obligation or desperation, I don't even know anymore) But even then, I still feel lonely in the company of other people At first I worried that I've become a snob, unable to tolerate the presence of another But I've always been half-in and half-out of this world, so it can't be helped Even when I do love my friends, there's only so much attention that I can give them Instead, I'm repicking up old habits that I've abandoned lately; Losing myself in stories (those in my head, and those not mine), Playing with make-up that I still don't know how to use, Marvelling at the mysterious concentration that I only get when painting my nails, Painstakingly curating playlists that I never really listen to since I usually go weeks with only one song on loop Little satisfactions that I know won't do me any good long-term But since they're on hand and can pass the moment, I can't help but cling to them like a child starved for love .... I don't know. Feeling a bit disillusioned with life lately, What about you? How are your hearts faring at the moment? I hope it's in a good place right now