Life of a Caregiver is not easy
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
Banks, Oregon
July 10, 2023 4:11pm CST
I was full time caregiver for my Grandmother for many years and she passed in November of last year. I am one of two whom help my brother whom we applied for disability so he could get more help and were denied, his schizophrenia has not gotten any better.
I have also helped with childcare for many many years for my nieces and nephews, and now my Great niece and great nephew. I feel like I do so much and there is very little appreciation other then the love of those babies but the adults are all very selfish and do not look at all I have done to help for so many years.
People criticize me and do not see how much I'm doing and how physically spent I am. I need more help then I get I have always been one who wants to help I do not begrudge them but I would like more thanks and more help. I'm very depressed and can't do anything anymore there is no real life for a caregiver it's all about those you care for which is not to say there are not moments.
We love them we want to see them happy but when we are not happy with ourselves it's hard.
I love my family so much and since I was 13 years old I have been helping with the care of children, I feel like I've never really gotten to live my own life.
I am always good old reliable Chris who will help, and it's impossible to say no.
11 people like this
8 responses
@AmbiePam (93794)
• United States
11 Jul 23
Can you bear to tell them no when they ask you to babysit again? If saying no to babysitting will give you time to take care of you, and maybe prompt them to realize how much you do, then it might be worth taking a break from. I can identify with your situation as a caregiver. My mom was 46 when she was diagnosed with dementia, and for the next nine years I helped my dad take care of her. I had no life, and felt overwhelmed with depression and responsibility. Meanwhile, my older sister did not help at all, and seemed to go along with life, happy as a clam, not even willing to be a listening ear when I needed to talk. I thought I might drown in my despair.
Did you get a lawyer in the disability case for your brother? I was denied disability until I got a lawyer, which is ridiculous. They should be able to tell when a case is serious, and since your brother has schizophrenia, that’s as serious as a heart attack. The lawyer took a bunch of money (legally, that is) when I finally won my case, but it had to be done. You may have already gotten a lawyer, I don’t know. With my mother it took three months to get her on disability; she was THAT bad. Unfortunately, with the majority of cases, they want to put you through the wringer before approving anything.
I really hope you find a way to put yourself above how people are treating you right now. You don’t deserve that.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
11 Jul 23
My family does not have any extra funds we are barely scraping by I don't know how on earth we would afford a lawyer though many have recommended that route it is just so sad and sickening I know people who have disabiliy whom are healthy as can be but do to my brothers illness being invisible to most we have to get a lawyer doctors are not enough apparently its awful... And I hate the term babysitting have always hated that term because I do not get paid, both of my nieces have baby daddies who are not in the picture really, the babies are great and I love to help with them, but it can be overwhelming when I feel taken advantage of and not appreciated for all I do for them. There's father's day and mother's day but where is uncles day.... Or when I'm day to day care provider but have no say in decisions they get the fun stuff of course which I understand to a degree
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (93794)
• United States
11 Jul 23
@chrissbergstrom We didn’t have money either. My dad almost went bankrupt trying to pay my medical bills. We found a lawyer who wouldn’t take a dime until we won. Believe me, a heck of a lot of people can’t afford a lawyer, and there are many out there willing to work that way because they know in exchange for getting the person on disability, they’ll get most of the settlement. You just have to make sure you do your research on which lawyers are legitimate. It took us two years once we got a lawyer, but we’d been trying for three years before that. Hopefully, your brother’s lawyer would be better than mine. But lawyer’s hit the jackpot with mental illness. They are the cases easiest to dismiss right away, but much harder to argue with when you’ve got a professional on the case.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
11 Jul 23
@AmbiePam thank you we will definitely look into it
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181348)
• United States
11 Jul 23
Being a caregiver is a hard and thankless job. Is there no one else to help? Someone else needs to step up to the plate. As far as your brother's disability. Hire a lawyer. There are many that don't charge until you win your case. Take care.
2 people like this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
11 Jul 23
Unfortunately the only real help I get is on the weekends and that's from my mom, but she already works full time and I hate her having to do much on her days off.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181348)
• United States
11 Jul 23
@chrissbergstrom Yes, that's really rough on her.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
11 Jul 23
I am so sorry Chris. I'm sorry that they don't seem to appreciate you and value the things you've done.
They probably rely on you too much because they know you are the best at what you do.
2 people like this
@jstory07 (139817)
• Roseburg, Oregon
12 Jul 23
@chrissbergstrom Get a lawyer that charges nothing unless you win.
1 person likes this
@chrissbergstrom (10767)
• Banks, Oregon
11 Jul 23
It's just so sad, I've talked to many family members in the schizophrenia community and it's all to common. Unless someone is physically unable to work they feel you fit.... So despite my brother suffering 24/7 with a disability that effects his brain it doesn't matter.... I'm afraid will have to get a lawyer I just hate there is yet another hoop we have to jump though and where will we find the time.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80659)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
10 Jul 23
You are double blessed by the Lord being so helpful to others.
2 people like this
@noni1959 (10104)
• United States
18 Jul 23
You sound like a people pleaser and do all you can to help. I've been the same. The running away part crossed my mind so many times in the past. If your brother was denied for disability, please seek a lawyer that takes these on. They always get results though it may take some time. They take a percent only if they win for you.
