How Rude?
By MySpot
@MySpot (2600)
United States
December 1, 2006 6:11pm CST
Advice, please.
Would you make a comment to a coworker about his/her personal life? Their finances? Or on their spouse?
In my opinion, it's inconsiderate, rude, disrespectful and just plain uncouth!
My husband is dealing with this situation for the second time! He used to work for one company for over seven years and I was a stay-at-home Mom to our two children. His coworkers used to razz him about me staying home with the kids and I thought that it wasn't their place or business even to make such judgment. My husband and I made a personal decision for me to stay home. The cost of child-care and trouble scheduling with only one car made it more advantageous for me to be home with our kids. The point is, it was a personal choice that they had no right commenting on.
Now, he is with a new company and his new coworkers are, once again, making comments about why I'm not working. How do you think he should deal with their invasion of personal space? Am I over-reacting because I do feel somewhat like it's a personal attack on me?
Any comments or advice would be appreciated : )
15 people like this
144 responses
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
2 Dec 06
They are probably razzing him because they wish they could stay at home or have their significate other stay home. Most people are either jealous when they do this. Or are really just joking. The only way he can mak eit stop is by telling them to stop. If not,nothing can be done about it. Sounds like he offered the info ...otherwise how did they find out?
4 people like this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
2 Dec 06
I am not saying they didn't know about it. He has to tell them to stop. Or they can't do anything about it. It can not be considered harassment unless he says to stop. If he says stop or not to say it again. And they do. Than he can file a harassment file against them. Than his job would be forced to take action. If they don't they would have lawsuit against. Plus against the people who didn't stop. I have been through it already..So I know what to do.
2 people like this
@ausnikki (4054)
• Brisbane, Australia
2 Dec 06
I think it's downright rude!.I don't know why they think they have the right to judge what you and your husband have decided to do reguarding your kids.It is none of their business.Being a stay at home mum is hard,and usually you get no appreciation for it.I think your husband needs to tell his co workers to mind there own business and stay out of your personal life!
3 people like this
@claudia413 (4280)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Inyspmvit, you really MUST stop copying other people's responses and claiming them as your own. Polly gave this response in #3 above. Shame, shame...
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
2 Dec 06
They are very rude and obnoxious and probably jealous. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something different than what you want to do. You are a working mother, you just happen to work at home. You have one of the most important jobs in the world, and also one of the hardest jobs in the world. I was a stay at home mom for 15 years. Then I went to work and my family started to fall apart. After 4 years I quit and took my family back, it was the smartest thing I ever did. When they ask your husband questions, he can ask them why do they want to know. Some people just like to get in others business. He can also just tell them it is none of their business. You and your husband are doing the right thing for your family and it is not anyones business.
3 people like this
@anne_143god (5387)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
I dont like also people who are making comments with other peoples life. I find them very rude people and they should not mined other peoples life for they have their own life to think. Does this people dont problem to think on their life thats why they want to talk with others peoples life.
@kivi12 (5)
• Estonia
2 Dec 06
well i have a brother and when my parents are gone i have THE worst job in the world... taking care of somebody and looking after him or her can really be a pain... The fear that somebody is pending from you and your actions is very hard... Tell those
OH so wise colleagues to take care of two children or dogs and look if their opinion changes.
1 person likes this
@boeyong (256)
• Malaysia
2 Dec 06
Your husband should tell them to mind their own business.
You must not give in to such remarks because it all stems from the rest of society being jealous and envious of you, that your husband can afford to have you not to work and you are not another statistic in their ever twisted doctrine of "women's rights". What they never accepted is that it is also a woman's right to be at home with the kids and to love her husband. Call those people "Nosey Parkers - Go pick on someone else" for me:)
As for you, revel in the fact that you are so fortunate to have such an environment to grow your kids in.
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Thanks so much.
Yes, my hubby makes good money and our bills are paid.
When we did the math, I would be working only to cover daycare expenses! The cheapest Daycare we have is $80 per kid! That's $160 a week for my two! I'd be lucky to make that much even.
@janet069 (663)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Staying at home is a full time job also, it just doesn't pay very well. The choice is yours and nobody else has a right to judge you for it. Maybe your husband needs to let his co-workers know he does not appreciate their comments and he is not there to run a social club, he is there to work. As long as he does his job he should not be obligated to explain his life or his decisions to anybody.
3 people like this
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
2 Dec 06
This is definitely one of the hardest jobs EVER! I have worked in the past and it's almost a relief to go to work. My hubby will come home and get frustrated or annoyed easily and wonder how I deal with it all day and maintain a pleasant attitude and tons of patience.
Thanks for your support : )
2 people like this
@aggiejoe (799)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I think its rude. What I do away from work is noboys consern but mine. I would say so too. If someone made a rude comment to me about my life. I would just tell them that until they live my life don't judge. I am who I am not who they want me to be.
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
2 Dec 06
I agree that staying at home and taking care of kids (and/or housekeeping) is a fulltime job and to much frowned upon. If this isn't affecting his work, there is no way they are allowed to say anything about it.
When you are employed people can judge on your acts, not the person you are; and they have nothing to do with your home situation unless it affects your work!
@owlwings (43910)
• Cambridge, England
2 Dec 06
You are right, it's rude and invasive of your husband's and your privacy. Your husband should calmly and politely tell them that it's none of their business how he chooses to organise his family life. If it doesn't affect his performance at work it is no concern of his colleagues.
Provided he doesn't get hot under the collar about it and has confidence in your personal decision, they will soon stop.
3 people like this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
2 Dec 06
YOU ARE A WORKING MOM!! You are a manager, a book keeper, A landscaper, a decorator, a nurse, Dr. a topnotch chief, a laundress, a Teacher, and these are only some of the jobs you do. The next time some one at your husband’s work comments about you not working he should reply that these are just some of the job’s you do..
2 people like this
@valmiki9 (1171)
• India
2 Dec 06
We are facing such problems in our family also but your decision is correct. You cannot stop people from commenting because they feel jealous.A mother at home at least till the children are 15 years old is best for them. Children feel really happy when they see their mother when they return home from school.
I used to be very up set if i did not find my mother at home when I came from school.Your husband should take it casually and reply "its Ok we have decided that way for benefit of our kids" This generally shuts up people.
You can always say thet i am busy now with children and their studies etc but i will take up ajob when they are old enough to understand"Mean while you improve your skills by learning some thing new so that people will feel that you are fully engaged.
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
2 Dec 06
My little boy was very upset one day that I went to work with my Mom for cash and wasn't home when he returned from school (my nephew was here to baby sit). He was crying and saying, "Mommy, don't leave me. I was crying for you. I couldn't find you!"... I felt so guilty!
@byspitt (4)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I have a hard time dealing with people who like to try to make others feel bad and razz others, I always find they are extremely jealous people and they try to belittle others to make themselves feel better, we have seven children and the comments that are made are so extreme sometimes I am just in shock...I would never say the type of things to others and always think of things I wish I had came back with later, but why people try to cut others down is definately and inferior problem,
Maybe your husband should say...Oh You mean you make your wife work...LOL turn the tables back on them...Just hang in there for yourself it is your life and your choice and shouldn't have to be made to feel bad by others on personal choices...they don't have to live your life.
and try not to let it get to you the best you can.
2 people like this
@shirgie (230)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I don't think it is anyone business about what you and your husband decide. However, I don't see why the comments would be continuing if your hubby isn't adding any fuel to the fire. I am sure he can figure out ways to change the topic of discussion. Perhaps he could just ask about other peoples families. Surely, there is a lot more interesting to talk about than whether you work out or not. It does seem that the workplace can be as bad as the school yard for people picking on eachother. I am a stay at home mom. My husband hasn't ever gotten razzed about that as far as I know. They do razz eachother mercilessly. I think that part just goes with the territory. It seems to me that your hubby just needs to become a master of changing the subject or diverting the attention to someone else.
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Thanks. They only JUST started to razz him. This is the second job that he had to deal with this same situation. The other one was when I had our first child, years ago.
I have updated the situation and outcome throughout the posts, if you care to read. I think I wrote out the conclusion on page 12??? Well, somewhere around there ; ) It was a little more complex, as the boss was razzing and is also my friend's hubby.
@dmanuel (411)
•
19 Dec 06
i know how you feel. some people just can't understand how hard it is to be a homemaker. maybe because moms don't dress up professionally or put on makeups and expensive perfumes. don't they know that its the most important job in the world?? don't mind those shallow people around you. I am proud that you chose to be a mother more than anything else. And i won't be surprised if your kids turn out to be winners. :)
2 people like this
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Thank you very much.
Honestly, I feel that my rewards, though not monetary, are much greater than those slaving to serve some company or bossman. Sure, my family is MY company and my hubby is like my bossman... but I'd rather serve and support them anyday : )
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Yes I do think tha it is rude. Tell them to mind their own business just because they want other people raising and dealing with their kids so they don't have to doesn't mean you do! Their kids will be the messed up ones who doesn't think thier parents care about them because they are always working never taking the time for them and in the future just tell them your a home-economic engineer. means same thing as a stay at home mom or woman. just a fancy word for it since they are always wanting to put titles to people...lol
@lucky_pinay (274)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
i wouldn't really care to comment on other people's lives. i have my own life to live.
@chiyosan (30183)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
it is rude! i mean we all have our own decisions in life that others must not intercede with. it is our decision not theirs, it is to change our lives, not theirs. if they are getting into your nerves questioning your decisions, why not try to speak with them and tell them directly that you are doing this for your family and that you can live by with your decisions. are they even close friends to comment on your life?
2 people like this
@ksuccubis (71)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I think there are some cases that warent talking about the person... especially when they make it public that they are sleeping with 3/4 of the maintenance shop... (sorry thats a girl at my work) but them talking about you not working that is just rude...
I think its not the norm in our sociaty most women think they have to go out and make a living and do the kid thing too but a lot of people dont realize how cost ineffective that is. you have to weigh the pros and cons of it and if you are creating a happy enviroment for your children and husband then dont worry what them nosey people at the office say.
the most important thing is that you are there for your children how many people can say they never miss a thing. I would love to be a stay at home mom however my ex (my childs father) does not make a lot of money and well he lives below poverty. i grew up really really poor and i refuse to let me son live that way so i went to contracting overseas to make a good wage just so my son can have a better life then i did.
I envy you sweetpea. i really do.
2 people like this
@bhattyboy (116)
• Pakistan
2 Dec 06
To me job is not the one to go outside and work and get paid, job is just a work you do. If women dont go outside and look there children, cook for hubby settle home the whole day is a tought job. We cannot campare housewife with a person doing job outside. both have there own values at the point.
Secondly i dont think one should interfear in others life, you have to ignore such type because there are peoples in the world who dont have anything to do except interfearing in the life of there coworkers. So be patience and ignore such type of things which destroy your good relationship.
2 people like this
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
19 Dec 06
Staying at home with the kids is a full time job. Tell these people to butt out.
2 people like this
