Narcissism Bingo - The Main Characteristics of a Narcissist

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Not every point applies to every Narcissist but if you find someone close to you fits a large number of these character traits and behaviour patterns, you might want to ask yourself why they should remain your friend as they could be causing great distress and hurt to other people in your company, be it friends, family, or anyone else. Total or near total Lack of Empathy Coldness, insensitivity Pedantry Rarely shuts up Interrupts Back seat driver mentality Hypercritical, Heckling, and cajoling Dominates conversation, Passive-Aggressive Talks about people behind their backs, rarely positively. Makes often cruel jokes at the expense of others. Seems to target some individuals for jibes, insults, ridicule, and as the butt of the joke far more often than others. Shows a sneering tone and disdain to some Jealous and indifferent to others achieving success or gaining attention he covets Tries to be the leading expert on any topic under one to one or group discussion Egotistical, often to the point of sociopathy. Drags conversations off at tangents to gain control of them. Speaks and laughs loudly, often exaggeratedly. Talks at you rather than to you or with you Manipulative, Shunts around people in wheelchairs without asking them first if they want relocating. Eager and needy to be the life and soul of the party. Infuriated with anyone interrupting or correcting him, and even vengeful. Holds grudges, often indefinitely. Attempts to get him to hear something personally deeply important as in that you want to redefine boundaries, get apologies for some hurt he caused, etc will be ignored, mocked or treated with immature scorn and abuse. Though he can see, or hears you directly saying you are uncomfortable with what he says or does, he will continue with it, even upping the ante. Your most heartfelt worries will strike him as a cause to jape and grin. Your attempt to open your heart can be met with the behaviour of an immature guffawing jackass. You will be left feeling totally rubbished and utterly demoralised. If his behaviour drives someone to leave a social group entirely rather than risk facing him again he won’t care one jot and may treat it as a personal victory, possibly even to be repeated on a new victim. If you are left unhappy by their comments they and their ‘flying monkeys’ (a clinical term inspired by the Wizard of Oz) will say you failed to appreciate a joke, or that you only got upset because you already have stress and anxiety levels. They rarely ask how you are even if knowing you are ill, grieving or overcoming a break up. If others around them ask you about such concerns the narcissist will feel irritated, move away or interrupt to change the subject. If they themselves are ill, grieving, etc, they will expect maximum sympathy and support. They can be divas and drama-addicts. Asking around their other associates or people from their past uncovers that many have had reason to dislike, or mistrust them, and others will recall them as annoying, rude or outright unpleasant jerks. They will deeply resent it if you seem to have more friends or gain more attention than they are getting themselves. If you have done something or seen something likely to draw a focus of attention your way they will feel threatened and intensely envious/jealous. If faced with concerns about his behaviour he will deny it or have no recollection of what is being talked about. He won’t stay around long enough to hear the accusations through let alone answer for his behaviour. Points at people and yells their name, often from a distance, commandingly to draw them to his attention/bidding. Treats people like marionettes. Sulky and moody if not getting his own way, often as petulant as a child denied a third ice-cream by parents. Often has a Svengali-like hold over some people while holding others in contempt. Arrogant, cock-sure, Eager to target weaknesses and insecurities in others. If challenged on wrong doings or mean remarks, develops 'Selective Amnesia', forgetting having said or done anything like he is accused of - has perfect recall the rest of the time, especially of anything negative associated with you. Often bullying to some, even if overtly-friendly to others who can end up blinkered to his dark and true nature, which is often just plain nasty. Mansplaining, patronising. Exudes an air of expertise and authority he does not actually have. Genuinely intelligent and articulate, he will study a lot of text books and journals because knowledge and information is something he will weaponize to throw in people’s faces at any given opportunity. Proving others wrong and humiliating them, ideally in front of others is a fetish to him, possibly even a source of sexual gratification. Conversation is a game, to be won, just like Monopoly and he will monopolise, talking louder, longer, forfeiting any other players gaining ground in his eyes, and trying to get the last word. Trying to talk to him, you will rarely finish a sentence and he will run you ragged so you stammer, hesitate and end up forgetting what you were trying to say in the first place while he smugly holds fast. Repeats back loudly something heard, mirroring your words with a riff, in effect taking ownership of it and rolling on with his own views from there. He will try to own the scene and command the room. He behaves like Nero, with everything said in his presence meeting or failing his approval, like gladiators in the arena, waiting for his thumbs up or thumbs down deciding if they live to fight another day or not. I think of one of the worst Narcissists I know as being like the TV ad Man From Delmonte, taking hold of the prize fruit his workers hold up and deciding on the spot whether it is good enough or not. The Narcissist is deluded in this as he is not the Man, but just one of the orchard staff like the rest of us. Sadly, many seem to fall into the sway of thinking he is the Man he very much isn’t. Conversation will be reduced to a monologue from him with occasional interjections from others reduced to one liners as the sprawling monologue rolls on. Looks round for a group of people clustered around a successfully flowing conversation and gatecrashes his way in, requests a recap and then starts orchestrating and dominating the conversation, reducing it to a husk, before looking for a new cluster of conversation to do it with again. Relationship partners are often intensely passive in his presence, as he speaks for both of them, and they rarely dare disagree with him. When he chooses to move away or leave an event they just go along, few if any questions or objections raised. Opposing points of view are not just disagreed with but bludgeoned into the ground. Sees himself as the alpha-male, with the weak zebras to be left behind for the lions when he runs to safety. Over-relishes proving others wrong, or painting them into corners. On Zoom or similar platforms he will sometimes mute or block other participants. Denies any wrong doing, evasive if challenged. Often simply storms off in a huff if unable to feel top-dog. Ungrateful for much done for him or on his behalf. Gifts, cards, loaned or shared books may be mocked for not being fully up to his satisfaction. He comes across as devoid of gratitude. Tendency to try to make others feel foolish, inadequate, unwanted and unappreciated. Often harshest to those already in low esteem, as easy to kick someone already down. Blames and shames, and sees no responsibility for any hurt generated from his activity. Pouts a lot. Disregard for boundaries and space - very intrusive, often talking right to your face, pointy finger. If you are chatting to someone else and it looks as if it is going well he will put himself right between the pair of you. He has no patience to wait his turn, but will often do his best to get in front of people. Sometimes makes gestures to shoo you away from a group conversation he is securing attention from as if you are some irritating insignificant insect. To him, you are. Arthur Chappell