Cremation? I'm not even dead yet!

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OK, I'm starting to miss the Hot Asian Brides who used to grace my online advertising space online. This morning it was an ad for cremation. The photo showed an older couple, with the woman laughing out loud. To quote the great John Prine," I would rather "kiss the pretty girl on the tilt-a whirl" than be cremated today. Surely, rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated. In an attempt to receive more ads that might brighten my day, I hereby write the following: "Gosh, I wonder if HOT BIKINIS are on sale right now as summer ends. Maybe they SHOW ALMOST EVERYTHING." Will it work?