Handling Family Politics / Drama

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This will be a long one for anyone who is wiling to read! Thank you in advance! My dad was estranged from his many siblings. Things would never be resolved, so when my dad passed away last year, my mom decided she would always respect my dad's feelings and leave that side of the family as it was. Last week from out of the blue, my cousin left a message to me that her elderly father (my late aunt's husband, my dad's oldest sister) wanted to see my mother. That was VERY surprising considering some weird incidents with them in the past decade. We have not seen nor heard from them in years. Plus we never received any message of sympathy from that family regarding my dad's passing, even though they used to be probably closest to us. The tone did not sound urgent in her voice message or text. It was "when you had a chance" kind of thing. Knowing my uncle, he may have felt guilty he had not said a word about my dad's passing all this time, so he wanted to make amends about that - maybe only that. I text replied a thank you, how is everyone, and that I would tell my mom to call her, if that was ok. It was odd that she did not call my mom directly but perhaps she was testing the waters too. I immediately called my mom to let her know what's going on and how she felt about it. She thought it was quite odd too. She knows how my dad felt about them, but she was willing to talk to my cousin when I got the ok. So the plan was . . . get the ok, and have my mom call my cousin. They could feel each other out and my mom could make her own decisions about any of this. My younger sister happened to call my mom that day, and was told about this. She does not "think" like my parents and I do - she does not understand how this family rolls. My sister hollered that maybe my uncle was on his last days. She told my mom she could pick her up right now and they could run to the hospital . . . go grab a jacket because it can get cold, etc etc etc being an alarmist, as always, before getting all the information. So my sister took it upon herself to call my cousin immediately. They chatted. All was well with my uncle - in fact he is healthy except that he is now deaf. He did want to visit my mom, so my sister went ahead to start planning things for my mom with my cousin. My sister was only happy to do this to make family relations good again . . . which the rest of us did not. I did not know any of this happened . . . I was still waiting for my cousin to get back to me . . . and eventually, after the fact, I got the ok. My mom was about to make the call to my cousin, but then my sister happened to call and told her it was not necessary to talk to my cousin . My mom felt it was only right and proper to talk to my cousin, especially if they were to meet at some point - so she did. Later that day, my sister called my mom to say that she had already made the arrangements to take her to my uncle's house this weekend (in 2 days). The original plan was to have lunch at my mom's house. And by the way, my other uncle and aunt (the wolves) would be coming plus another aunt (a different kind of wolf, the sister my dad never wanted to see ever again). My cousin had made no mention of any of this to my mom. Mom's thought, as was mine . . . WHAT?! My sister never asked my mom how she felt about seeing any of them or the in laws nor about what day/time would even be good for her . . . she just took it upon herself to make these decisions for her. My mom was a deer in the headlights . My mom thought about it. She told me she was NOT ready for all of this. Maybe next year - maybe never. My mom told my sister, who got miffed about having to cancel (well she should have ASKED my mom about it all first), so my mom said maybe in January). My sister got mad in the tone that she was burdening my cousin with this cancellation and hung up abruptly. The next day, my sister texted me about what days in January I could meet my uncle and cousin at my mom's house for lunch (she did not ask my mom about any of this again). I told her she needed to arrange that WITH my mom and my cousin - NOT me - THEY are the ones that this involves. I said clear it with them first (isn't that logical??) - and that I could probably meet at that day/time. She got mad. Then she called my mom to tell her I won't give her an answer about what day I could come. My sister picked first weekend of January (geez, why is she so obsessed with planning this, and so soon when my mom is clearly not ready in her heart). My mom stood up for herself and gave her some words . My sister argued: * What - did my mom change her mind again. Well if my sister wasn't being the middle person/planner, they could have figured out things for themselves. * That my mom was scared to talk to family. In fact I (meaning me) was also scared to talk. Um, seriously? She told my mom what is she scared of . . . um, that's a bullying tactic, isn't it? * The past is the past and we have hang ups. She brings up her past woes ALL the time and clearly resents us - and she is one to talk about hang ups? * Does my mom want my dad's family to be like her estranged situation with her siblings . . . newsflash, it already has been that way with my dad's family for years now. She yelled at my mom. She told my mom to go call my cousin herself and make her own plans (um, that is what was supposed to transpire in the first place). Go do it yourself - CLICK (she hung up the phone on my mom). My mom had a heart to heart talk with me. Then she called my cousin, planned a date for my uncle and her to come over later in January. It was a simple 5 minute pleasant invite conversation. See, this is all it had to be from the first place. And of course I will come and help my mom on that day, if she'd like. She left the date message for my sister, but my sister has not returned her call. Any 2 cents? How do you deal with family politics and drama, which I hope you do not have to deal with like I do ?