Will you be eaten by your frustration?

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These days,i've been feeling nauseous,summer seems to come here,hot weather with the endless anxiety made me lose the sleep.I only could take a nap at the afternoon.I plan to do make videos,but i found there's no place to share my videos.Chinese Internet will ban me and Communist will come to arrest me.But i have no foreign smart phone number,so i couldn't register Youtube.As for other video websites,they asked for the money or have many limitations.Meanwhile,they're almost banned by CCP. I also found i have no readers in my life,i couldn't share my works to Chinese,they'll sell me out,Communist will persecute me if they found my speech.I also didn't have the energy to share with the Foreign readers.Because English is too difficult to me,and i really couldn't see any hope that i can succeed in English Literature.That's impossible. So i am stucked now,my emotion is very frustrated.With my two psycho parents,who will fart and spit the saliva to each other when they're having a lunch,i have no one to ask for help. What could i do?Now i feel my heart is eaten by this bottomless frustration,i feel feeble.It's a feeling that is near the suffocation.I want to calm down,but in China-this Modern Sodom,real hell,how could i cool down when the Communist Persecution is everywhere?I am suspicious for everything like a lunatic rat in the sewer.This 1984-like Totalitarian country,i can't stand it anymore. But i'm too poor to run,and even i run away,Communist Party still will harrass or cheat me for kidnapping me back China.That's how they did to their dissidents.That's too evil. Where is God?Where is my future?How's my level in literature?I'm not sure,i've lost the confidence and courage,like a lamb lost in the mist. Will you be eaten by your frustration?If you encounter setback,how will you deal with it?