Zen story: The master answered his own koan on his deathbed

@innertalks As a parent, there were many times I needed to employ tough love.

Yes, some people love in a way that does not seem warm, as they are perhaps too shy to do so, too, but their hearts mean well, and as we age, we can begin to overcome our withdrawingness, I think too. "Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. She gives most who gives with Joy." Mother Teresa said this, and so, if we do love with a streak of non-joy behind it still, as it is in our character to do so, we perhaps, should also try to work on our makeup, and become more joyful, more often, instead of always remaining the same tough approach to life, and to living. Both toughness, and softness, should be part of us, and we should not always side with just hardness, or softness, as each must fit the occasion, not just be trotted out routinely.

@just4him I have never been a parent, but I agree with you that tough love must be used to discipline children, at times. I think that Jesus Christ's parable of the two sons shows us how love can change someone, who comes across as non-loving to start with. Someone with a conscience, has love in them still too. Matthew, chapter 21, verses 28-32. The Parable of the Two Sons “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’ “‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. “Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. “Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “The first,” they answered. The first son loved his father, despite his initial refusal, the second son, perhaps, had little love in him, for his father, but more love, only for himself

It is good that those people you met both were trying to help you with good intentions, as there are also types that just try to pull people down, as they are not supportive, but sometimes jealous of others. The ones with their heart in the right place help us, despite their way of doing it, some like tough love, others like soft love.

@innertalks You are right. Everyone has their own way and they get it if they have a good heart and a right intention behind. And as children and growing up youths, we have a sixth sense to know that. Somehow, children tend to sense you under your skin. They will bond well with the ones with tough love too if they sense a good intention.

@arunima25 You are right with children, and with animals too, I think. They can sense the underlying goodness of a person despite some apparent roughness on the exterior. Some people, who pretend they are being loving in a tough way, but are really mean spirited individuals, do not fool these children, and animals either. I knew a father, who after whipping his kid with his belt around the legs, would then, smile at the kid, and ask him, if they were still friends, as he only whipped the boy for his own good, he said. The father was evil though, and took out his anger problem on his kids. At least, the kid had the guts to tell his father that, no, they were not still friends, which always got through to the father, and made him think twice about his methods, until the next beating, anyway.

Some people act tough to begin with, and might even come across as being dismissive, and abrasive, but later on, because they also have a conscience, and awareness, they will reexamine, how they have acted, and act more kindly the next time. Nobody should be mean-spirited all of the time, as we owe it to others to be more balanced in our displaying of who we are to others.

@Shiva49 Yes, some might put it down to a general increase in overall conscious awareness in humanity. The rare individuals have always treated people with respect and love, though, and these types should be examples to us all, in the best way to live our own lives too.

@innertalks In my younger days, bosses tended to put their subordinates down and it was taken as routine. Times have changed and now employees want to be treated fairly It is to give respect, and take respect. This general awareness took generations to permeate society in general.

I am also introverted, and a bit antisocial too. I come across as standoffish, and a bit mean with my time, and connection, to others too. Yes, we think that we need walls for our own protection. I also take a long time to trust people to come into my world too. It is good to be able to finally love someone big, so you are fortunate to be able to do that, and it means that you have a big love in you, just waiting to come out, to the right person, at the right time.

Yes, some amount of discipline is necessary, I think. But discipline must be carried out from the heart, with love still behind it, as if the ego becomes involved, and we punish others with our mind behind it, we will become merciless in our administration of the punishment, and punish others as retribution, rather than as a teaching.

Yes, I agree, and only love can warm our soul in the best of ways too.