I Feel Weird
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (169842)
Boise, Idaho
August 19, 2024 3:23pm CST
The air quality is way down. It had been up in the triple digits about two weeks ago and I was really suffering in the breathing department. Headaches and scratchy throat too. I didn't really realize it until it had me grabbing a deep breath every few minutes, as if I just could not get a good breath. Now that is gone away. Thank goodness.
But, I have also been feeling really down because of this new evolving feeling of dread that I have. I am not afraid of what is coming but, I just don't want it to happen. I would make a pact with the devil if I could stick around a lot longer. I DO NOT WANT TO DIE!! I have a real issue with it and am really trying to cope. Each time I even think about it I get very emotional.
Part of it is because of my kids. My daughter and grandson that is. We are so close I know it is going to be very hard for them.
I had tried to find a therapist online and that was a total bust. They all want money upfront and I want them to just bill Medicare. So it is an ongoing thing for me.
Life is a lovely gift and I just don't want to relinquish it.
11 people like this
9 responses
@kaylachan (73466)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
19 Aug
Have you tried better help? Or going directly to medicare's website to find a therapist that specializes in telehealth appoitments?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (169842)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Aug
I have a little and will do more. I had reached out to a couple online. One that was for seniors exclusively. They don't even bill Medicare. I will have to delve deeper.
1 person likes this
@JESSY3236 (20141)
• United States
20 Aug
I hope you find a good therapist. You should look up ones that just take Medicare. I have medicaid that is what I did. I found ones that bill Medicaid.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (169842)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Aug
I guess I am going to have to. I was hoping to just do one online and have had little luck with that.
1 person likes this
@BearArtistLady (6036)
• United States
19 Aug
I have to add to my response, I have noticed that my breathing has been kind of difficult too. I think it's coming from the trees and their getting ready for the various stages of the seasons. I'm having to use my air filter system to clarify the air in the apartment.
Your title for your discussion has reminded me that I want to get a kitten and name it "Weird". That way when someone says "I feel Weird" I can reach out and pet the cat. 
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (169842)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Aug
What you are feeling may be allergies. I get many symptoms with that. Even the scratchy throat from time to time. Mine comes with the smoke mostly. I have had the windows closed for weeks now and am getting tired of it. I am waiting for a good rain to wash all the smoke out of the valley and let me open the windows again so I can get a breath of fresh air for a change.
With your comment about 'weird,' it reminded me of a time when my grandson asked me what weird meant. I had an old dictionary that was nearly worn out from my use and I looked it up. One of the definitions was "magical'. I went with that.
@celticeagle (169842)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Aug
No, I don't. I am sensitive to the smoke from the fires. I was diagnosed years ago with major depression with panic attacks. I used to get bronchitis every couple of years. The fires here are an annual occurrence.
@wolfgirl569 (109712)
• Marion, Ohio
19 Aug
Hope you can find someone to talk to
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (169842)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Aug
I don't go outside. I have not been outside since July of 2022 when I had my cataract surgery. There are many reasons.
I know it is normal to have these thoughts but mine come to me and I get very emotional. More than normal I think. I just don't want to die.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (183946)
• United States
20 Aug
Try buddyhelp.org. Maybe they can help you. Don't despair!
