I wish i had a sister for whom i meant something but,what to do

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Reading how some of you mention your siblings and how are you constantly supporting each other,i enjoy reading it.at the same time,it brings me gloomy feeling of sadness how i don't have it. Many times but this time for real, i accepted i have estranged sister with whom i can't communicate any longer. Did she ever offered help with my unemployment or maybe ask,cause she works in school for some job openings or elsewhere,no.i remember as clear as a day how i begged her to help me anyhow,to enlight me and she gave me a frustrated answer,help yourself. I just stared at her how shocked i was. With my anxiety at the end of my university days,which culminated after i graduated,one year she didn't talk to me,while we were living together.Later,when i came now and then for job interviews in the city,while living with my parents at the countryside,she demanded i pay her half for staying in the same flat as her,which i did but she was mad at me,saying i spent too much toilet paper. She later confessed she didn't receive paycheck for 2months. Imagine this,i was unemployed but,that didn't matter to her. One time,she didn't want to share an umbrella with me,saying we each need our own. With disgusted and irtitated tone. Even before i graduated,i socialized with her friends and not sure why but one friend of hers didn't want me on one quiz party. Guess whose side my sister took? Not mine. I'm a younger sibling but many times felt like an older one. I was never dotted like some younger siblings and it is too late now. Words that she wants me in my life and hysterical crying from her side last time don't work anymore. She wasn't there for me;always mad at me or my existence, wanted me out from her 1st and second flat, when i overburned and went to er, she didn't give me slack or with my anxiety(bought me a book instead of talking to me) or with kidneys inflammation;she always demanded some kind of respect and treating me as a lower being. She always wanted for me to bow to her, delivering messages to our mother how she wasn't harsh enough with my upbringing (she was just 20months older than me), like i'm her pupil (she's a pedagogical expert) and that's it,no feelings involved. When i asked for help with tiny things, she complicated and made me to give up while when she offered,it was for vacations so i can keep her company there. Showing off. I have memories of hugging her and her meaning a big ball of positive energy to me but that was in ancient times. I didn't hug her in years;her patting now and then didn't feel great. i didn't want sometimes to be touched by her cause it was fake. She was forcing closeness and i hated it. Why she abandoned me in a way and treated me with hatred,only her wicked persona knows but i wish i had a sister,a true sister that made me feel good about myself and not bringing me down, at the same time expecting of me to be there for her,like a servant. My wish that never came true.