Two Trump Miracles (Mylot Exclusive #1764)

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Many people are saying, "Sir, when the going gets tough, the tough get going." Thusly inspired, I got up this morning, got in my biggest truck and went to Costco. And bought two pallets of Kirkland Signature Extra Strength Heroin PM. And a case of Bud Light. It's a Trump Miracle! RFK Jr., isn't even in charge of HHS yet and already, you can buy Heroin at Costco. You couldn't do that on Hard Monday when Sleepy Joe was still in charge but here on Wonderific Wednesday, with the DonOld back in charge, you can. To be fair, I don't know if the heroin is actually making my life better but I've been taking it all day and I certainly feel better. There's also another Trump Miracle I want to talk about. Jobs. Right here in my backyard, this amazing Trump win is providing good construction jobs for over 400 people for the next 35 days because I went to Atom Haven Inc and ordered their Deluxe Backyard Nuclear Missile Silo that only takes 35 days to build. Actually, I ordered it months ago and I was afraid I'd have to cancel the project but Trump won and my God Given Second Amendment right to own and use nuclear missiles at my own discretion is being protected. That hasn't stopped the critics from coming to me and saying, "Sir, this is ridiculous! Why in the name of Bob Oppenheimer do you need nuclear missiles?" It's getting tedious, because every time, I have to explain, "For protection from the hungry caravans of dirty immigrants that are coming here to eat my dogs. And cats! As my friend Dubya said, 'Guns no longer protect us! So kindly support your friendly neighborhood Defense Contractor!' And what if my team loses the World Series next year and I have to teach some know-it-all Liberal City some manners? I don't have enough guns to do that!" They can't win on the merits, so then they complain about the cost. "Sir, I know you bought this nuclear missile silo on sale but it still costs $458 Billion and you're just barely a multi-trillionaire. Plus, after it's installed, you have to hire lots of expensive experts to run and maintain the facility. And the missiles themselves cost millions each. It costs too much, Sir!" You just can't reason with some people. They will never understand that security and peace of mind are priceless. So I stopped trying. I'm just gonna be me and do what I want and anyone who doesn't like it can just kiss my Launch Button! Which, by the way, I'm installing on my desk. Right next to the button that gets me a new Diet Coke whenever I need one. It's the same setup President Trump has. With that in mind, let's go to September 1986, to see what the Cosmic Universal Anthem Song Of The Month Club Anthem Song for today is. ************* Timbuk 3 - The Future's So Bright