Kids aren't always honest but they are pretty funny sometimes

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The fun thing about working with kids is the blunt honesty they have about anything but the things they are supposed to be honest about. It's a common phrase I hear that kids are honest to a fault but that's not true. Kids will totally lie about things if it means staying out of trouble but will have zero problem pointing out flaws in your looks and personality. If you have a crooked tooth, a mole, or are overweight they will point that out so fast your head spins but ask them if they were running in the hall and suddenly it's like they've lost their sense of hearing "What hall?" They also LOVE telling on everyone else but when someone else tells on them that child has become the enemy and has betrayed their trust and when you question them about what said kid has said about them it's always "I don't know what they're talking about" "Do I need to check the cameras?" "No, I don't THINK I was running, but I'm not sure" "you'd know if you were running" "Well, I have a bad memory" "You literally reminded me about the treats I said I'd bring in three weeks ago" "Well, I only remember that". It continues to go on that way until you finally end it. My buddy I work with was in EVERYONE'S business yesterday and I was like "who do you worry about?" He kept acting like he didn't hear me and I kept asking and he's like "I forgot how to talk" which is hilarious because he clearly talked to tell me that but finally begrudgingly said "me". Kids are only honest about things that don't concern themselves they'll throw a friend under the bus in a second for no real reason when said friend wasn't even on the radar. If the friend was running in the hall I'll know about it seconds after it happened. They had no real reason to tell on their friend but suddenly that streak of honesty they hide when you confront them over things they've done comes out and they just have to tell me about everything everyone else around them is doing. I always laugh when people say kids are honest because as someone who works with them I can tell you it's rare a kid is entirely honest. They can be honest but once again only about things that have nothing to do with them. They love putting their noses where they don't belong. They never hear you when you're talking directly to them but the second you are whispering to another kid across the room their ears become as big as satellites as they try to figure out what you're talking about. I preface all of this by saying I absolutely love kids, or I wouldn't do what I do. I know a handful of kids who are genuinely honest, but the vast majority of them are similar in their convenient honesty. It doesn't bother me as much as amuses me. I've seen kids who tattle on a kid because that kid hit them and then when I talk to the kid that hit them they said it was because they hit them first. I look at the kid that came up to me and they suddenly get very quiet. I'm like funny how you left that part out. My son when he was little was pretty honest but he definitely left parts out of his stories and when I'd get the full story he'd get quiet. Over the years he learned that being honest got him in less trouble than if we found out he was lying. Kids learn how to lie very early and it's through parenting that they eventually learn how to be honest, not always, but usually. I always say that MY honesty will one day get me in trouble when it comes to them because they ask me questions and sometimes I'll be blunt with them but not in a highly inappropriate way or anything. I had a kid come up to me and ask "Are you going to be sad not to see us for five days?" I looked directly at her and said "I love you and I'll miss you but no, I need the five days away from you". I work with third graders and I've been with them since they were in kindergarten and they know me and they know I love them and they all get a laugh out of my honesty but they also know I love them. It's the relationship I have with them. I joke around with them and we have a good time but they also know I won't lie to them and that when I'm serious I mean business. It has taken me a long time to develop this relationship with them but they appreciate that I will be honest. I remember one kid was being a jerk and I looked directly at him and go "you're not funny and right now you're being a jerk" and he looked at me in shock but then went to the kid he was being a jerk to and apologized. Yes, I am bluntly honest sometimes, but I also feel like they need that. I'm not some stranger. I know these kids and they know I love them. They also know I know when they're lying. I have a decent sense of humor, and I don't get my feelings hurt easily. Sometimes I have to hold back the laughter when they say things that are hilarious but mean. I had one kid tell me to "Shut up old woman". I mean it was incredibly disrespectful but if you knew the kid it was kind of funny but I had to be dead serious and be like that was rude and we don't talk like that. I had another kid who was mad at me and asked me "How can I trust someone whose hair is bigger than their head?" That took some serious restraint to hold back the laughter. I am a girl with long hair that's the majority of the school staff. I have kids tell me they hate me all the time, but they seldom mean it. They're kids, they say things out of anger and by the end of the day they're back to hugging me and telling me they love me. I always tell people if you work with kids you need a sense of humor because otherwise, it's going to be mighty difficult. I have kids tattling on each other all the time because kids are mean to them and it takes everything in me to not say "Guess what they're mean to me too and you don't see me crying about it". It's always something so small that they should be able to handle on their own like someone won't be their friend because they don't like something they like. I always tell them unless it's something super inappropriate or they're physically hurting them or bullying them (a repeated offense) they should be able to handle it on their own because they're in third grade now and it's time to start learning how to handle some things on their own. We have tried to explain the difference between tattling and telling but it never sticks. I have kids that come crying to me about how someone is mean to them and when I tell them not to play together five minutes later they run back to that same kid so it's hard to take them seriously. I always say I have to laugh or I'd cry where my job is concerned. I deal with a lot of inappropriate behavior and when I confront the kids about the behavior they always act like they have no clue what I'm talking about even though I saw and heard it. I'm like I know I'm not going crazy I witnessed this so fess up, do I need to check the cameras? Some of these kids need to be lawyers when they grow up. If I didn't know better I'd almost believe them. Some of them I've been with so long I can tell when they're lying. My buddy his voice goes high when he lies. He will even tell me he didn't do something like steal something off a friend's desk while the item is in his hand. It always makes me laugh when kids take him telling us things so seriously because we already know he's lying. He's a little stinker sometimes but he isn't terribly behaved most of the time. My favorite thing ever was a week ago when the word autism came up and up until this point, none of the kids had any clue he has autism even though there are about a billion signs he does they are just so oblivious that it's almost hilarious. We were getting ready to leave since we leave about five minutes before everyone else and he got all excited and goes "I have autism" and the way the kids reacted actually amazed me they were all super sweet and supportive and then a little girl raises her hand and says "my friend has asthma" and the teacher and I about died laughing it was so random and hilarious that now we were losing everyone to the different things people have. My buddy quickly gets excited and goes "Yeah, I had asthma once that's where your nose gets all snotty and you can't breathe" I was like no that's not asthma that's a cold but that's a conversation for another day. It just derailed so quickly after this amazing moment of acceptance among his peers that I couldn't help but laugh. These kids are an endless source of amusement and laughter and they are amazing in their own way, but I can tell you they are definitely not always honest and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. That doesn't mean they are always dishonest or that they won't one day be honest but as a whole, kids lie unless it's being brutally honest about your insecurities in which case they'll point those out in seconds after meeting you like the time when they first met the PE teacher we later had for two years when they asked him "why are you so short?" When I met the new PE teacher who is shorter than the old one, I was waiting for them to notice but surprisingly it hasn't come up. When the new PE teacher mentioned he wouldn't be here for a couple of weeks after break because his wife is having a baby they asked what his baby's name was going to be and he said they didn't know yet one of the kids without missing a beat "How do you not know? It's your child" I had to hold back the laughter. I remember watching the Dean Martin Celebrity roasts and laughing, and I can tell you I'm roasted on a daily basis at my job. Anyone without a sense of humor should not apply. They're all like little comedians without even realizing. They're incredibly rude sometimes but I usually find the humor in it. I don't take life too seriously most days.