12/12/24 - Update On My Husband
By LindaOH
@LindaOHio (181321)
United States
December 12, 2024 8:16am CST
I had quite an involved conference call yesterday with the staff of the rehab facility. The physical therapy staff said that my husband has plateaued with his therapy. He now has a choice of coming home or going into long-term care. If he goes into long-term care they DO NOT give any PT which means he would never have a chance to come home. I also mentioned the doctor's appointment that he had. Apparently that was a heart doctor and had nothing to do with the Foley that is inserted. I told them I wanted answers about the Foley since he's had it for quite a while. I also want him to get a cognitive evaluation; and they said they would do that. They said some days he is as sharp as a tack; and other days he's confused.
I spoke to my husband and, as expected, he wants to come home. I know it will have the same results as before; but I will respect his wishes. I am going to check to see if a home health aide could be present when he comes home. Needless to say, I was immensely stressed yesterday, trying to figure out what to do. I am going to call right now to see if a home health aide can be present when he comes home.
Thank you for your continued prayers, support and thoughts.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
31 people like this
29 responses
@Beestring (14674)
• Hong Kong
12 Dec
It appears that coming home is the only option. He'll feel more relaxed at home. But you definitely need full time help.
9 people like this
@FourWalls (68884)
• United States
12 Dec
Have you talked to the VA yet? That’s also something they may be able to provide. I think what he needs desperately is a PCP (primary care provider). I remember you said all he has is a cardiologist, and he needs much more medical care than just checking his heart.
Call the evil empire, I mean, the insurance company, too, and see what options you have with them.
7 people like this
@Dena91 (16692)
• United States
13 Dec
@LindaOHio It took the VA a little bit to get involved with my father in law when he came home under hospice care. At first they didn't want to send anyone but at the insistence of my mother in law they finally did.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
I am waiting for a call from the VA. They must look over the application first.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (93740)
• United States
12 Dec
@LindaOHio Bless you, Linda. Please know we’re with you in our hearts. We all wish we could help in some way.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
It will have the same result; but he needs to experience it for himself. 
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (181962)
• United States
12 Dec
Praying for you Honestly though, your hubby is probably at the point where he needs a nurse to be present. A HHA is going to be very limited as to what they can and can't do.
3 people like this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
Thank you. I doubt he will make it past one day at home.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (181962)
• United States
12 Dec
@LindaOHio You may be right. My bro in laws mother was in the hospital for a few weeks. She wanted to come home. She came home via ambulance or transport service and was happy to be home, but she only lasted about a day and a half. The next time she left it was in a hearse.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
No, it's much too expensive. I doubt he will make it past one day at home.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (107878)
• Marion, Ohio
12 Dec
That is the only way I see him coming home. You need full time help
3 people like this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
I doubt he will make it past one day at home.
1 person likes this
@kareng (61152)
• United States
14 Dec
If you do bring him him, I would recommend someone coming in to help every single day. You also have to think about him falling and hurting himself very bad. What if he falls, hits his head and had bleeding on the brain, multiple broken bones? You need to think on all of this since you are not in a situation to really care for him 24/7. I can tell you from my experience from caring for my mom it is VERY tiring! You don't have time for anything else. It's care all of the time. Then when my father was ill, my mother was worn out from caring for him. I relieved her as much as I could and would come down on Saturday and spend time with him and cook. That let my mom run to the store or take a much needed nap.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. My prayers are with you both.
1 person likes this
@kareng (61152)
• United States
15 Dec
@LindaOHio I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you. Stay strong!
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
14 Dec
I have made the very hard decision to put him into long-term care.
1 person likes this
@jobelbojel (36020)
• Philippines
12 Dec
I hope the health aide is available if he comes back home.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (80635)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
12 Dec
Looks like you might have him home by Christmas, Just don't know how you'll manage but I wish you all the best, Many blessings to you both,
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80635)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13 Dec
@LindaOHio that sounds like giving up and the worst for him, He will think he's been abandoned, There must be another way,
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
13 Dec
Thank you. The right decision is to put him in long term care; but it breaks my heart to do that.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
14 Dec
@RasmaSandra If you know of one, please share it with me because I can't figure out a way his coming home will work.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (341752)
• Rockingham, Australia
14 Dec
@LindaOHio I'm sure you are. You must be feeling exhausted.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
14 Dec
@JudyEv I've made the decision...now I feel devastated; and I feel as if I've failed my husband.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
13 Dec
I'm still laboring over making that decision.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (44716)
• Staten Island, New York
16 Dec
It would be great if he could finally come home. But risky if he may fall again.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (44716)
• Staten Island, New York
16 Dec
@LindaOHio but then you won’t be together. 
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
17 Dec
@lovebuglena Exactly. That's why I'm devastated.
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (15512)
• United Kingdom
13 Dec
You should also think about yourself.
I worked in home care for a number of years with people in very similar situations to yourself.
They put so much thought into what the other person may want they forgot their own wants and needs.
There was often a crushing guilt when the realisation hit that their other half just wouldn't be able to manage at home and needed residential care.
Take time to think about yourself.
2 people like this
@NJChicaa (120056)
• United States
12 Dec
I know you both want him home but you know that isn’t possible. He would require a nurse 24/7. He fell 3 times in 1 day the last time and was lucky to not be more seriously hurt. You are already blaming yourself and feeling guilty from the initial accident. You would feel 100 times worse if he fell and was injured again.
The best and safest place for him is in long term care. You know that.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (120056)
• United States
12 Dec
@LindaOHio Is it really worth the risk? You've said several times that he gets confused, hallucinates, and possibly has the beginning of dementia. Even if he gets home and falls 5 times he may not understand that he simply cannot be at home for his own safety.
3 people like this
@NJChicaa (120056)
• United States
13 Dec
@LindaOHio it is a sad situation for sure
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
Yes, I know; and it breaks my heart. He wants to come home though. Maybe he needs to see that the outcome will be the same as before.
@MarieCoyle (38562)
•
12 Dec
I am glad the appointment was informative. I am not surprised that he has reached the end of PT, I’ve not known anyone to have it this long.
I know you are doing what your husband wants if you arrange for him to come home, but as you stated, it will have the same results. I would suggest full time nurse or LPN, 24/7!! He is so weak and unsteady, he has so many problems, the Catheter, etc. Finding good reliable caregivers is very hard here.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
13 Dec
@MarieCoyle It's such a hard decision. The hardest I've ever had to make.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (38562)
•
12 Dec
@LindaOHio
Maybe you recall I had a man on my front porch not long ago at 3AM, he set the camera off. It ended up being a new neighbor couple and he has dementia/Altzeimer’s. They have been approved for caregivers for him, but there are currently no caregivers available. His wife is very frail and she is trying to take care of him right now. So, if you are going to need caregivers for him, get on a list or two. It’s sad being so difficult to find someone.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Dec
I hope you get the answers you need and that the cognitive evaluation outcome will also give you some clarity. You are in a wheelchair, aren't you? So he would need an ongoing home health aide daily wouldn't he? I sure hope you get some good answers.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168126)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Dec
@LindaOHio ........You sound like me. I can walk a ways but then I need a wheelchair too. Yes, 24/7 would be very expensive.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
13 Dec
I can walk around the house with a cane. Anything further than about 50 feet I need a wheelchair. He really needs 24/7 help which is too expensive.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (51458)
• Canada
13 Dec
That is a big decision for you to make.
I would consider the long term care, and try a home visit for a half day or whatever he can tolerate every now and again.
That might be a good solution for both needs, his for coming home and yours for his continued safety.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
13 Dec
I want him home so badly; but that's not the safe decision for him.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (38562)
•
13 Dec
@LindaOHio
No, it isn't safe. And so much chance of falling...not to mention falling with a catheter, which could be painful and traumatic.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (220068)
• Walnut Creek, California
12 Dec
@LindaOHio What is a PCP? Pulmonary Care Physician? I'm just guessing.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
They are saying that he must see a PCP before he can have home help. That's not what was required before.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (181321)
• United States
12 Dec
I don't know. He's not going to be able to make it at home.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (84183)
• Rupert, Idaho
12 Dec
Hopefully there is someone that can do that, be there when he comes home and to help him at home.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (84183)
• Rupert, Idaho
12 Dec
@LindaOHio That's not good to hear
1 person likes this
