So this is the status of the sister trip.
By Amber
@AmbiePam (96069)
United States
February 20, 2025 2:03pm CST
You might remember I was excited when my sister told me she and my dad were going to surprise me for my upcoming birthday this March with a sister trip. They thought it would be a nice birthday/Christmas present combo. My sister said we could go anywhere, but she strongly suggested Disneyland. Yes, Disneyland. It’s her favorite place other than Jamaica. The problem is, and if you keep up with me on Mylot, you know the condition of my back/neck. Not only is that a lot of walking, but her plan was to leave on a Monday, and come back Wednesday morning. That’s such a rushed, uncomfortable trip I didn’t see how I could do it. Every suggestion I made other than DL was shut down by my sister. Meanwhile, my dad, willing to pay half of my trip, is flat out telling me I’d be crazy to subject myself to that kind of trip, and not to go. My sister says, okay, we can go to Disneyland or we can go to Blank (I’m not saying the location because someone from Mylot is from there and I’m not going to set anyone up for boring accusations). She says if we go to Blank, we’ll leave on a Monday, and come back on that Thursday. Since my whole desire is to spend time with her, I say, oh definitely, let’s go to Blank (it’s also cheaper even if you stayed a week). I’ve been there before (we both have), but there are some things we could do. She says okay, we’ll go to Blank. The very next day, she calls and says now that she thinks of it, Blank is more boring than she thought, so we should make our trip as short as the DL trip would be.
Sigh. It’s very obvious she wants a quick trip to Disneyland (she’s been 5 times with her kids). I’m not quite sure if I’m an important part of this trip or not. I thought maybe it was because this DL would be in the off-season and would be done really cheap. But I found other things cheaper than we’d never done. I even offered to kick in money despite it being a cheaper option.
Are you, as an almost 44 year old woman with a terrible back going to Disneyland on a Monday with your sister, and coming back that Wednesday with pain as a certain companion? Or are you going to say hey, who cares why she invited you or where you go. Get a scooter at DL, and if the quick turnaround hurts you, then you’ll have time to recover when you get home.
The part of me that has always wanted to be close to my sister says to go, and deal with it. Meanwhile, my dad, is vocal about saying she doesn’t get it, and if she can’t understand that’s her problem if she’s offended.
*This trip is likely to be in November. Please note I am VERY appreciative anyone in my family even thought of me, and hope I’ve conveyed that well to them.
20 people like this
18 responses
@Juliaacv (52312)
• Canada
20 Feb
You are such a sweet sister wanting to spend time alone with her.
I think that I would have a quiet sit down chat with your Dad and suggest that if he turned down that same trip, due to having a bad back, how can he help his other daughter understand that this destination isn't right for you.
Maybe he will have a suggestion for how to best approach your sister with a possible trade off location.
This is so sad, it is very one-sided, and if she can just stop and listen to you, that would make the world of difference.
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
21 Feb
My dad must have seen this coming because when the idea of this trip came up he said he wanted nothing to do with the planning and not to involve him beyond contributing money. On the other hand, a few weeks ago he said he was trying to think of an alternate destination for us.
I’m going to see if I can get him to do something like you suggest, I just have to figure out how to involve him without aggravating him.
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (141822)
• United States
21 Feb
No, she doesn't understand and is just focused on a trip to a place she wants regardless of where you can go and still be comfortable during and after the trip... I'm sorry she's like that.
If it were me, I'd thank them for thinking of me and decline to go. But, you aren't me. I hope you make the right decision for you. Good luck!
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
21 Feb
She laid a line on me the other day that made me feel a little sick. You know my mom was 46 when she was diagnosed with dementia. Mindy just turned 46, and I’ll be 44 on March 1st. She said she wanted us to have this trip because who knows how long we’d both be in our right minds.
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (141822)
• United States
21 Feb
@AmbiePam But, trying to make you feel guilty for something that might not happen isn't right, either.
4 people like this
@kareng (68240)
• United States
20 Feb
It sounds like your sister is not thinking about you and your comfort at all, only her wants to go to DL. Would it be possible for you two to do something very soon like shopping for her to see how walking sends you into pain? Maybe she would get it that way?
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (185370)
• United States
20 Feb
If she wants a quick trip to Disney let her go with somebody who would appreciate the trip. Maybe if she is balking about going somewhere else, you guys could just go out to dinner or something just the two of you. What about Nashville? That might not be too bad.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
20 Feb
She nixed Nashville. I’m telling you I went through every place I could think of. Now, I thought I came up with a winner. I thought maybe I could get a hotel, and spend a few days in the area she lives. There was a concert she really wanted to go to that I could pay for myself. Her husband said she should stay the night at my hotel so we could make a night of it. Go to a fancy restaurant. She didn’t like that idea either.
She tried to get my dad to go to Disneyland. He said she was nuts. He couldn’t walk that much.
4 people like this
@snowy22315 (185370)
• United States
20 Feb
@AmbiePam Surely, she knows other people she could go with other than you and your dad. Disney would be great, but it's just so big! Even the flight would probably be uncomfortable for you though
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
20 Feb
@snowy22315 It usually takes me a day to get over a flight, but she wants to get off the flight that Monday and go straight to the parks.
I don’t know if she could get any of her friends to go without their kids. I’ve never seen an adult so keen on going even without kids. She sends me videos of roller coasters once a day, along with pictures of her family having gone in the past, once a day. It’s getting to where when she calls I hesitate to pick up because she wants to talk about all the stuff she wants to fit in. At first, it was just nice to hear from her because she has never been one to call.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (346571)
• Rockingham, Australia
21 Feb
You really need to stand up to your sister on this occasion. Your Dad understands the pain you'd be in and really she should appreciate that, if you say it's not for you, then she should accept that. I hope you'll stay firm and that it all sorts itself out.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
21 Feb
I know I do. I guess with her I’ve always felt like any time she shows interest in me I need to take advantage of that. It’s one of those sad instances of one sister always wanting a relationship, and one not.
As it stands, I know I can’t do the trip as she currently has planned. That’s not up for debate.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (346571)
• Rockingham, Australia
21 Feb
@AmbiePam Vince and I would desperately love to have a relationship with our daughte-in-law. Just to be tolerated would be good but it's simply never going to happen. Somehow I must learn to live with it. As long as she makes our son happy, that is going to have to be enough.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (4537)
• United States
21 Feb
I'm sorry to hear you are in such a predicament. This must be frustrating for you. I think it would be best if your sister can go with someone else instead. It is wrong to force someone who doesn't feel comfortable going to go with them. She needs to be considerate of your feelings and your perspective.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
16h
@lilacskies She doesn’t want to go alone, unfortunately.
1 person likes this
@lilacskies (4537)
• United States
22h
@AmbiePam Is it out of the question that she can go alone? Does she not like doing things alone? If I took a vacation somewhere, I would be happy to do it alone!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (162238)
• United States
21 Feb
She will never understand your kind of pain until/unless something happens to her to put her in your very same shoes. I am sad to say that I went to "help" my younger sister while she was enduring cancer treatments, etc. She loved to shop and we did, until she ended up in the hospital when I went home. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas one year. She loved it, until she didn't.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (111792)
• Marion, Ohio
20 Feb
She should take her own trip to Disneyland. Pick something you want as it's your present.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (111792)
• Marion, Ohio
22h
@AmbiePam My ex sister in law made the remark she was going even if there was a hurricane. But that was the first time they went
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (82565)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 Feb
Keep praying it might all work out. Do you mean Disneyland in California or Disney World in Florida? I would think you would do netter in a botanical garden that also has rides for kids and those who want them. There are also aqua parks where you could sit and enjoy the dolphin acts while she and the kids go on rides and stuff. Just saying everything should be taken into consideration.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
14h
@RasmaSandra I would absolutely LOVE that. It can’t hurt to ask.
@RasmaSandra (82565)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15h
@AmbiePam excuse me if it would be just the two of you why not look for places like botanical gardens or even zoological parks
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (42449)
• United States
20 Feb
What a predicament. All I can advise is to pray God will work this out and give you wisdom to make the right decision. I'll be praying with you. 
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (42449)
• United States
20 Feb
@AmbiePam I know you don't, but taking care of your health isn't being unkind.
2 people like this
@aninditasen (16701)
• Raurkela, India
23h
I never over exert myself at this old age and avoid long distance trips.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (40983)
•
20 Feb
Can you possibly have a Pow-Wow with your sister, your Dad, and yourself? Even if it's a facetime type of call? If he can advocate for you involving the trip, in front of you, and just flatly tell her ''do you want Amber to be so ill the trip sends her to the hospital, or what? Gear it down to what she can handle!''
She isn't thinking of your health, and she needs to. My kids have taken me on trips. They are really good to gear it to what I am able to handle, and it's so much appreciated. I know you love your sister, but she has to wake up. No one wants a special time to become a painful nightmare..
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (96069)
• United States
21 Feb
You know you and Julia had a similar suggestion, and although he told me flat out weeks ago not to involve him, he might help me if I can think of how to involve him without annoying him. I was trying to talk through the problem with him, and he just kept saying it’s between you and your sister. All I’m here for is to contribute money.
2 people like this
@RevivedWarrior (3593)
• India
21 Feb
Sounds like you are in a tough spot. It’s understandable you are conflicted since your sister is set on Disneyland and while you are trying to find a compromise that works for both of you. You dad did make a fair point: whether the trip is worth if it’s going to be painful and exhausting. If the main goal is to spend time with sister, then you need to prioritize on the activities that are being done and avoid the walking and heavy ones. However, if you feel the trip is not really for you, acknowledge the same. You need a trip that you can enjoy as well. Put it across to sister gently and firmly something that works for you or an alternate trip that both of you could enjoy. Whatever the decision is, do not feel guilty prioritizing your health. Your family loves you; your sister values your company. Take care!
2 people like this
@much2say (57209)
• Los Angeles, California
19h
As a person who knows how Disneyland can be, I say don't do it. It is VERY crowded on any given day - especially during the holiday months. It is a lot of walking and standing time (the lines everywhere - rides, food, restrooms, gift shops - are horrendous). A full day there is exhausting . . . we did the 3 day thing once and that wiped us out - even the kids!
Your sister probably means well, but it does sound like she is pushing for Disneyland. "The Magic" is obviously special to her, but it's your birthday trip - the choice should be special to you. If anything, she should at least be more mindful about your back/neck . . . your comfort should be a big priority. I agree with your dad.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (141014)
• India
20 Feb
It is a gift that is given to you and surely you should choose where to go.
1 person likes this
@grenery8 (13525)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
20h
i'm going with your dad; she made it all about herself, sorry for saying this. and dl isn't a bad destination but it should be adjusted to your health needs. if only you can go with your dad and meet her in other way, not at trip
1 person likes this
