Money Matters: Breaking The Cycle of Insanity, Ongoing Thoughts About a Post Initially Written by Porwest
By LooeyVille
@LooeyVille (35)
United States
February 23, 2025 12:10pm CST
The venerable @porwest wrote a post titled "Breaking the Cycle of Insanity" but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to include a link to his post here. You should check it out though.
I had responded to him on that post with a story, but now I'm thinking that story, expanded, would make a good standalone post of mine, so that's what I'm doing, borrowing on the original theme by @Porwest.
My brother-in-law and his wife have always lived paycheck to paycheck. They are terrible with money. They work in a factory, have for 20 years each, and the two of them together earn about $100,000/yr. That's pretty good money in my opinion. All their kids are grown and 2 are out of the house and the last one will be shortly. She doesn't cost them any extra money living there.
They recently refinanced their mortgage (for the 5th time) to pay off all of their accumulated debt, but they still hemorrhage money and have no savings, no investments, don't participate in their company's 401(k) plan, have no retirement, have no life insurance, and have a high deductible health insurance plan.
It's their way of life. They don't know any other way. They can't fathom any other way.
They look at us, with no debt, some savings, and some disposable income and think we're "rich" and have "money coming out our butts" and resent us for it when the real reason is because we make good decisions.
(from my response to Powest) "Their 24 year old daughter just completed college and has a good job as an xray tech making $38/hr, Not bad for her first job! So she signed up to have 10% put away in a 401(k). Her parents didn't know that. The tax preparer did her taxes and she'll be getting $2,000 back and he praised her for putting 10% away. On the drive home, the parents ridiculed the daughter saying, "Knowing you, you'll probably put that $2,000 in savings!" as if that were a bad thing. They make fun of her for saving her money. I don't know where she got the good common sense to save money because it certainly didn't come from her parents" , but I'm hoping she can break the cycle. They actually laugh at her behind her back as does my mother-in-law saying, "She probably has a coffee can of money buried in the back yard. She doesn't spend any money."
Again, they're making fun of her for doing the RIGHT thing and wanting to pull her down into their pit of despair and poor decision-making and poor money management because it's the cycle of insanity that they're stuck in.
I'm hoping she'll have saved up enough money soon to get her own place and make her own decisions before her parents pass along to her their errant ways regarding money.
Who taught you about money? How did you learn how to handle money?
9 people like this
7 responses
@kaylachan (75288)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
23 Feb
My parents tried to teach me about good money managment, but I've had to fall on my face, and make my own mistakes before I got it. I am far from rich, but I make sure the bills are paid. Which isn't easy since my, and my husband's main sorce of income is his social security and mine.
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (162260)
• United States
24 Feb
I still do not know enough about money, but I do know mistakes that were made in my family and how hard it has been to do something else. When my first husband was diagnosed with ALS the thing that saved our bacon was when he got his yearly raise we decided to sign up for short term disability. Three months later he was disabled and unable to work any more and we had a cushion until the long term disability kicked in. We had maxed his 401 K contributions as well. He was raised with better money savy than I was.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (111952)
• Marion, Ohio
23 Feb
Glad she is making good decisions. I think she will continue to do so.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (82647)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
23 Feb
I have never had the chance to save any money in my life. I have worked I have tried and now I am in the late part of live. I look at the fact that the Lord is with me. I am blessed with health, I can live alone, pay rent, have an apaertment and food for me and the cats. I cannot have more and never will and so be it.
2 people like this
@porwest (96533)
• United States
24 Feb
Your story is representative, unfortunately, of too many people. People resent people like you and I because they don't UNDERSTAND their situations and circumstances are their own fault. They look at people like us and simply think, "They got lucky," or "They've got a magic wand or something."
Like I have said many times, the secret to wealth building is...there's no secret. It is, as you said, a product of good decisions and having a plan, and understanding how wealth is actually built and created. It's also a product of WANTING to know.
I often wonder how people actually live like this. I mean, personally, I would find life terrifying flying by the seat of my pants, being one paycheck away from total disaster. How does one even sleep at night?
Of course, 9 times out of 10, if you happen to try to explain things and say, "this is how you do it," what you get in lieu of nods and wonderment, are "buts," or excuses, or people try to say something is different in your life and that's why you have an advantage.
What do you do with people like this? I guess all you CAN do is let them fight their own battles and hope they figure something out on their own when the you-know-what really hits the fan. Of course, if that does happen and they turn to you for help and you say no, you will then become a villain.
As for who taught me about money or how I learned to handle it, I am unsure about that. I didn't come from money. Our family was middle class, so we weren't hurting certainly. But I didn't come from money. I do know that from a VERY early age I was always interested in money and always looked up to the rich and wondered how they became wealthy. So, somewhere along the line my curiosity caused me to dive deeply into the world of the rich and wealth creation, and I followed their lead to an extent.
My mom's uncle, Archie Meinerz, was a successful and very rich businessman who owned a dairy farm he inherited from his father who turned it into a major creamery he eventually sold to Beatrice Foods, who went on to sit on the board of Beatrice and was one of the original investors of the Potawatomi Casino shortly before he unfortunately passed away at the age of 60 from a brain aneurysm.
I didn't know him well. He was a very busy man, and I was rather young when he passed. But there WERE many lessons from him about money, business and other things that I am sure I picked up.
1 person likes this
@kareng (68494)
• United States
23 Feb
She probably learned from observing her parents BAD judgements and does not want to be like them! It sounds like she is on the right path!
I was very independent as a teen and worked in the summers from the time I was 12. I worked for a major safety wear supplier in high school starting my Junior year that led to full time work when I graduated with a promotion to Inside Sales and a territory all my own. I had the title of Office Manager during my Senior year of high school. I moved out of my parents home before I graduated, but was already paying my own way 100%, so pretty much off to a good start.
1 person likes this
