empty nest syndrome 20 yr old son joined the army, anyone know how to cope?

You are not wrong, maybe depressed, not crazy. Sounds like you were very close to your son, all parents should be so lucky! He is doing his country a great service, be proud of him! Perhaps you could try doing volunteer work in a nursing home or daycare, soup kitchen, or somewhere you would be helping others and to occupy some of your free time and take your mind off how much you miss him. Take some classes or learn a new skill. And be thankful he has grown to be an independent adult, that is the result of his good parenting!

I am not going to tell you you should be happy he has a good job, instead I am going to tell you something far more basic. Kids leave their parents, you are lucky he stayed until he was twenty. I left when I was 17. You knew he wasn't going to be there forever, and he isn't going to come home and live with you again. Even id he came back to your town he'd probably get his own place, that is healthy and normal for a 20 year old boy. He needs the independence and the lesson in growing up. As for you, I am sorry you feel so angry and sad about this. My advice is go out and get involved in something. Join a sports team, a mentoring group, a book club, anything! Get out of the house and do things with friends. Eventually you'll enjoy the time alone. It should be relaxing. So take the girls out for a night on the town, go to a movie, anything, just do something to keep yourself busy and you'll find you are okay.

Whether he has a job or not he is your son and after having him around for 20yrs i can understand what you are feeling .My daughter of 22 has just moved our eventhough we still live in the same town it`s not the same i miss her terribly we were more like sisters the things we shared , the talks we had ,the coffee`s we shared all those little things .I however do have four other children but they do not replace the one that has left . My heart goes out to you .My best advice is to find something you enjoy or even try some thing a bit challanging to pass the time of day .I look after others little children they keep me happy and i love them so .Make things for your son and send them to him .You have a beautiful relationship don`t let the miles between you make you feel so sad .Plan for when he comes home for a visit . god bless and keep you both safe until you see each other again

I can understand why you feel this way. I dont really know what would help. My mom felt this way when all of us moved out (we all moved out of state too) She said she cried alot and missed us all the time. Mom and Dad always wanted to adopt internationally so they decided to do that and now they have a beautiful little girl from China and she says that totally helped her. They are in the process of getting their second baby from china now. I hope you find some way to cope with this. Good luck!

You just have to accept it. You are feeling sorry for YOURSELF. It should not be like that. He is a grown man now and has his own life ahead of him. Just like you did when you were at his age. You need to let him go and keep yourself busy with something creative and that makes you feel happy. I am not trying to be mean to you, so dont take it that way. Best of Luck

I'm only half empty, my youngest joined the Navy at 19 and will be 21 this spring. He's stationed in Japan on a ship. I've heard his ship has been on the news - in the Phillipines after the mudslide last year. He e-mails me every once in a while, and calls even less. When he called last weekend, I hadn't talked to him in months. I can't call him because he's on a ship. There are times when I really do miss him but I know this is the best thing for him. My oldest son (23) is still at home, but I rarely see him. He's busy with work, school and social life. Mostly it's me and my husband. We rarely see his kids so he misses them a lot. There's no miracle cure for empty next syndrome, just keep the good memories going :)

I do know your feeling.my mother had the same situation 20 years ago,she love me like all mothers love their son. it is common you miss your son.on the other hand,you should be happy coz your son grow up now,besides he would come back after ending the service.

I know it must be hard for you, but you have to understand ou cant run your son's life, sooner or later he would be going away, and his time came know. to try to fill this emptiness feeling i would tr to do some voluntary work, for exemple with children. Some abandonm children just need some hugs, kisses and love to have happy days, and love is one thing you can give them. also, that way you might be contributing to make fom this children better persons in the future. Consider voluntary, you probably will discover new things about you also.

It is an empty feeling when all of sudden the house is empty. He is not there to eat with you, or tell you about his day, or just to have a chat in general. But you have to know what a good parent you are. You have raised him to be independent, and that is wonderful gift you have given your son. Have faith that he won't be posted to Iraq. You are not wrong or crazy , and you yourself will know if you are depressed. If necessary visit your doctor and ask him for something to put you back on track again. Join a club that involves your intrests, and maybe invite a few people around for a make-over or something nice like that. Keep busy. I hope you make many friends of your own, and the empty nest syndrome will not feel so bad. lots of luck!

When my daughter moved out a few years ago (I was single mom) I had anxiety attacks. Nothing too major but it was new and weird. It was not a good feeling. I get out more and build my life and take advantage of all the newfound benefits. My daughter could act more like a nagging mother than I did. Where were you? Why didn't you call? I was worried you know. LOL I'm not really sure what to recommend for you.

He would have left eventually. What are you going to do when he get's married? When he goes to his in-law's for the holiday's? Oh no!!!! lol. I don't know what advice to give you, I would say maybe, go into his old room and look at his stuff, maybe that would make you feel him closer to you. Good luck. P.S. I am going to rate your topic +

It is a big adjustment. Our daughter joined the army before she graduated from high school, so right after graduation she was off to boot camp. She was in the army for 8 years. She spent time in several places here in the states, in Korea, in Germany, in Kosovo...it was very traumatic for us...she was/is our baby. That's when we first got the computer, so we could email back and forth. It was also when I went back to school. Just pray a lot for his safety, be proud of him, and try to keep busy.

The best thing I can think to suggest is to try to find an organization or hobby/activity to get involved with that will help fill your time. It might also help to find a local support group for moms of soldiers. They exist all over so find one and join! Then you will be surrounded by others who will probably be able to relate better to what you are experiencing.

I can totally relate to you right now, my 23 year old son left for Ft Benning, GA 3 weeks ago and other than a few quick phone calls I am finally receiving mail from him. I got 2 letters today! He is hanging in there, but he is lonely. I hope that this will pass and I try to encourage him as best I can. It's hard because my husband and I miss him so much. I am very proud of him for making this tough decision but he did it to secure his future. I think all the ideas that everyone gave for taking your mind off the depression are wonderful. I've taken note of a few of them myself. He comes home for Christmas and then we won't see him for a year, who knows maybe more. But as long as he can handle it physically and mentally then we'll be fine, and will always be here for him, encouraging him 100%.