What’s the best way to deal with an unpleasant relative over the holidays?
By bette1981
@bette1981 (21)
United States
December 7, 2006 5:26pm CST
What’s the best way to deal with an unpleasant relative over the holidays? My father can be a HUGE jerk with me at times… how should I respond? I live 2000 miles from home... and for a good reason. I’ve been living this far for a year and a half and so am not used to being treated like crap by others. I spoke with my father earlier today… and during the conversation… he got angry cause I accidentally cut him off and practically screamed at me “Would you please let me finish!?” I was so taken back by it because I’m not used to people talking to me that way, that I didn’t know whether or not to tell him to F-off and hang up on him or whether to ignore it. So I ignored it but in the mist of trying to control my anger with his behavior I became so frustrated that I began to cry. I don’t think he knew how upset I was… Thank God. I am going home to visit for x-mas. I can bet my life on it, that I will have to hear his crap. What do you think is the best response for any of his future outbursts? Any advice?? Thanks in advance! :)
4 people like this
18 responses
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I'm sorry that your dad makes you feel that way. Is he the type of person you can have a reasonable conversation? I would just pull him some place private and try to talk to him about it...all daddies have a weak spot for their little girls crying... :-)
If that doesn't work, I would just keep my distance, don't give him a chance to make a butt of himself or you. I know it sucks to walk on pins and needles, but it's Christmas and you have to try and keep the peace...be the bigger person! Good Luck and I hope this helps!
@Signal20 (2281)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Is he a real controlling type of person? Kinda sounds like it from what you said. I'm guessing talking to mom wouldn't help?(assuming she's there also). If he's not a controlling type, you could sit him down and talk to him about it. But I just get the feeling it won't help. Best bet to keep the peace for everyone, just try to avoid him as much as possible. A lot of times too, people may not realize their being a big fat jerk. Sometimes, a good outburst in front of everyone and then promptly leaving makes them realize that, because in their mind they're embarassed that they were talked down to in front of other people. It's kind of like taking a stand for yourself and letting him know you're not going to tolerate that anymore. Good luck!!
2 people like this
@bette1981 (21)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Excellent advice and assesment on him. He is VERY controlling... How did you figure that one? And yes, you're right, I can speak to him until I'm blue in the face... it won't help much at all. I will just ignore him if he starts popping off at the mouth. Thanks for the advice! :)
2 people like this
@Signal20 (2281)
• United States
8 Dec 06
The fact that he yelled at you over the phone-let me finish, kinda gave it away lol. Kind of a dominant trait there, he's talking, he has the last word sort of stuff. Well, good luck how ever you decide to handle it, and hopefully he won't start on you!!
2 people like this
@subhadiproy (847)
• India
8 Dec 06
try to avoid thm to tht extent they start hating u and leave the place as soon as possible..hope u wont mind with tht :)
2 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
8 Dec 06
Just be yourself, set aside your differences, speak no harm, and focus on enjoying the holidays with your friends and relatives. Don't let another preson makes you unhappy. But please, pay him/her a respect just life anybody. Good luck and enjoy the holiday.
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Ignore, ignore and ignore and then walk away
1 person likes this
@nirav26 (31)
• India
8 Dec 06
if that doesn't work, I would just keep my distance, don't give him a chance to make a butt of himself or you. I know it sucks to walk on pins and needles, but it's Christmas and you have to try and keep the peace...be the bigger person! Good Luck and I hope this helps!
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
8 Dec 06
Sounds like how my Father In Law is with my husband and I a lot of the time. The problem is he thinks his son could have done better with his life some of the time, and is always being really judgemental about things.
@pookie92 (1714)
• United States
8 Dec 06
You've got a difficult situation. You have to be respectful, because it is your father speaking to you. Will your mother intervene? Is there an underlying reason he is so RUDE to you? I would do like you and just avoid him, but if you are going over for the holidays, you'll HAVE to deal with it. Just try to breathe deeply and try to avoid conversation that will end in a fight. You are just going to have to be the adult, I am afraid. Can you stay with another relative?
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
8 Dec 06
The best thing I can tell you to do is try to enjoy yourself. If the person decides to be a jerk just sit there, grin and grind your teeth. You only have to put up with that person for a day or so then back to your own life.
1 person likes this
@anne_143god (5387)
• Philippines
8 Dec 06
Maybe you should talk to him so he would know what he is doing and also tell him, you are comfortable how he treats you..
1 person likes this
@ansmellayisa (504)
• Australia
8 Dec 06
Dont go home for christmas send presents instead just say your not well and would rather stay home then travel there.
Or go and tell your dad to get a life if he starts on you. or just walk away if he starts
@volschenkh (1043)
• South Africa
8 Dec 06
His actions are really offensive. i would suggest give him a microphone and some speakers next time when he does that. Tell, the stage is yours, do you want a spotlight too? Its somewhat childish for grown man to suppress someone like that.
I would fight it with every opportunity I get, I will let him now, that he wont get the better of me!
@midlandlady (77)
• United States
8 Dec 06
When he starts in say I love you dad and am sorry you feel that way and then calmly walk away. You will never change him so dont try just dont get your Blood pressure up and ruin your holiday.
@nishanity (1650)
• India
8 Dec 06
if its a distant relative, then be equally unpleasant to them
but to ur dad, come on!!!
mayb he is under some stress or strain!!
dont worry, it's work out!
@cyberhacker665 (92)
• Greece
8 Dec 06
Here is what i do: I TELL THEM directly in their face to either change their attitude or just leave. I have had quite alot of problems with my mom on holidays .We used to fight allot ,and i mean allot . We fought for nothing really important.
I MISS my mom now...
