joke of the day

hahahahahaha funny... I got one today thought it was funny: Designated Decoy One night a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

Just one from me - Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says," I am rechecking my answers."

now that is cool, thanks for sharing with us.

Mastercard jokes A man woke up one morning with a complete hangover. He had such a severe headache he could open his eyes.He tries hard and finally manages to somehow wake himself up to atleast look around. He finds the room very speck and clean.He looks around him and he finds a glass of water with 2 aspirins next to him.He takes them and waits for half an hour for his headache to subside.He then finally opens his eyes properly and finds his clothes neatly pressed on the dressing table. He takes a shower and then puts on his clothes and he finds a note next to his clothes. It says "Honey I had to go shopping. I have left breakfast on the stove....Love You...". He goes to the kitchen and sure as hell finds hot breakfast on the stove with his son at the dining table having breakfast. He asks his son "What happened last night".Son says "you came home last night at around 2:00am drunk and delirious. you were very violent and you broke lot of stuff in the house. Then you puked in the hallway and passed out".So father says "then how come your mom is not here to have a fight.".So son replies "Oh that, mom tried to take your clothes and shoe off you and you shouted "Leave me alone. I am married."".... Getting yourself drunk - 200$ Breaking furniture in your rage - 2000$ Saying the right thing even when you are drunk - Priceless.

Hey! it was a nice joke

1st Child: Mere Papa Bahut Darpok Hain. 2nd Child: Why? 1st Child: Jab Bhi Road Cross Karte Hain, Meri Ungli Pakad Lete Hain aur kehte chhodna mat.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

lmao....that was hilarious!

hahahahahaha......... that was god one, nice joke good

good one

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

hunny joke :)), haven`t heard a joke whit preachers before

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "I found it."

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!

Applied Mathematics ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

That is funny. Kids darndest things

Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs? Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone. ~~~~~~ Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop? Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste? Customer:No, I can't. Waiter:Then does it really matter?

A Man went into a travel agency that was offering a $100 cruise. He was surprised it was so cheap, so he went in, asked about it, and the travel director took him out back to the river. There, the travel driector clubbed the man over the head and pushed him into the river. Another man came in, and inquired about the cruise, and the same thing happened - the travel director clubbed him on the head and pushed him in the river. As the two men were floating down the river, one asked the other, "Hey, do you think they will serve any food on this cruise?..." The other man said, "I doubt it, they didn't last year."

Santa was traveling in a train. The ticket collector came and asked him to show his ticket. Santa politely asked, "Which one should I show, the one in my right pocket or the one in my left pocket?" The T.C. was taken aback. He then said, "Show me the ticket in your right pocket." Santa promptly showed the ticket. It was perfectly in order. The T.C. then asked for the reason for buying two tickets. Santa explained, "If someone picks one pocket then I have the other ticket left." The T.C. asked again, "Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?" Santa said with a smile, "I have a concessional monthly pass also."

cool effort