Depressed about Christmas?
By hannarose27
@hannarose27 (514)
United States
December 9, 2006 8:20pm CST
I have already went through the Christmas blues but last night made me cry. Me and my husband were just playing on the computer after the kids went to bed and my husband was being very quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he just let it loose. He started with tears in his eyes because his family does't really talk to him, and he feels like its his fault that we don't have much money to get the kids anything. I try to make him feel better but its hard to snap out of. I told him not to worry i'll figure things out. I feel so bad when he gets this way. I talked to my mom and shes helping out with gifts for the kids at Christmas but I don't know what to do about his family there very selfish people. They look down on us because we sleep late. My kids are 2 1/2 and 7 months so they are on our schedule. They get to see daddy before they go to bed this way. His dad goes to work at 4 in the morning so our households are on 2 different schedules. Everytime we do see or talk to them they make my hubby feel like crap. The saddest part about last night and this is the reason I started crying, was when he said that he was upset he couldn't get me anything. I told him that getting to spend Christmas with him was the only gift I needed. And thats true. All I want for Christmas is the love of my family and a good day for my kids. How do I help him snap out of it if he doesn't in a few days?
69 responses
@MrsAdvice (623)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Suggest you make each other a coupon book. You could even give the kids a coupon book. "An extra hour of television this week" for a kid "A backrub or massage" for each other. Or, if you really want some real gifts, take $3 each and go to the dollar store and see what 3 things you can find for each other that each other will love. They have romantic cd's, bath oils, computer games, books, dvd's, all sorts of wonderful treasures. Make a game out of it, make a rule that you can only spend X amount and it has to be at the dollar store. You may even find some nice stocking stuffers for the kids at the dollar store too. The main thing is that you don't let the kids think that Christmas is about getting presents. Maybe your whole family could do something nice for someone as a way of teaching the true meaning of Christmas, like shoveling a sidewalk and porch off for an elderly neighbor. If you have insurance you may want to take hubby to the doc to rule out depression. Merry Christmas.
@caribe (2465)
• United States
10 Dec 06
MrsAdvice, That is such good advice. I love that idea. I think that would be a great thing to do because it is not the stuff that is important, it is the thought and care behind it. If this family does this, they will probably look back to this Christmas as being one of the best Christmases and most memorable that they have had.
1 person likes this
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I think I will do the coupon book idea. Thank you for your idea and your response. We also do plan do do alot of the kids shopping at big lots they have really good deals.
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
10 Dec 06
We have the same stuff going on around here. I sometimes wish we only had to buy gifts for our children and parents. It would lift such a burden.
1 person likes this
@Juliephine (286)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I agree, just do it! Talk to the other people on your list and let them know you're doing something new this year. If you feel like you just HAVE to do something for them, make some home made goodies and give them on a paper plate or something. Many times something made from the heart is much better than a store bought gift. Happy Holidays.
1 person likes this
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I know its not about the presants, its about love. Thank you for your responses.
@laydon (25)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Why just wish it...do it. We only give gifts to our parents, children and grand-children. Christmas should not be a burden. My wife and I don't really give anything to each other, just little funny or cute stuff that is also useful. It's not about the presents.
1 person likes this
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I'm sorry to hear that . I hope and pray that he makes it home safe to you. thank you for your response.
@Juliephine (286)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Wow. Sorry to hear of your trials. I know the holidays can be very upsetting for many. Unfortunately, hearing from you that it's okay and all you want is to spend Christmas with him, it usually isn't enough. I know you mean well and you mean what you say. But, men are primarily physical and success driven. Since he is unable to get you anything, he will continue to feel bad most likely. As for his family, you don't have to worry too much about that. If his family doesn't like the way you do things, you don't HAVE to have the relationship with them. I know that is hard for your spouse too. But, a man leaves his mother and father to be with his wife. You and the kids are his family now. And together, you can make it through anything. On that note, I speak from experience.
I wish I had money to help ya'all out for Christmas. We have agreed to only buy for the kids this year. I wish you the best. If I think of anything else that might help, I'll come back and post it here. Take care.
1 person likes this
@Juliephine (286)
• United States
11 Dec 06
You're welcome! I've found there are a lot people who are only on my lot to make the money. I think it's important to care about what you're posting. You never know when what you say or in this case type, could really hurt someone severely. Sometimes it's a stranger's care or lack of it that can really drive a person to depression. Hang in there!
1 person likes this
@nascar8fan (742)
• United States
10 Dec 06
OH girl, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how you feel. I am going through some of the same things. My boys are wanting certian things for Christmas and I am not going to be able to afford the things they want. I think you are already doing the best thing and that is being there for your hubby. I don't really know what to say about your inlaws.. I'm aorry I can't help you there..I wish you the best this Holiday season.. Merry Christmas to you and your family...
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Merry christmas thank you for your response. I'm lucky my kids aren't old enough yet to remember what they want.
@SamDontBeStupid (60)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Also, be fortunate your children are not old enough to want very expensive things such as the new Nintendo Wii that was released. Aside from that, it is still hard financially around this time of year. Good luck, and Merry Christmas.
1 person likes this
@deeeky (3667)
• Edinburgh, Scotland
11 Dec 06
Love conquers all so they say and it looks like that is in abundance in your family.
I've slept in a cardboard box in London when I was homeless many years ago so this time of the year is especially lonely for some who are unloved and without a home.
So we are have to be thankfull for what we have and think of a brighter future for us all.
Making something out of nothing like a boat or statue from a piece of wood and given with love does't cost anything! and will be remembered longer than a box of chocolates.
Hope your family has a good festive season and prosperous New Year
1 person likes this
@the_vicar (1477)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope all is well with you and that you are in better circumstances. We ALL need to be thankful for what we have. Thanks for reminding us of that.
1 person likes this
@baldingeagle69 (749)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I go through the same things. I hate the holidays. I work hard but don't make much. I struggle daily just to survive. I don't have long distance phone service and my family is far away. I have actually written letters to my family asking for help or at least for them to call me. My mother calls about every 4 or 5 months. It sucks. I know exactly how your husband feels. I have had several tragic losses during the season, which only adds fuel to the fire. It is very valiant and unselfish of you only to want to spend time with your husband. Alot of people would be mad at not getting anything material.
First off tell hubby he is not alone. I try my hardest not to get into that kind of mood. I am a very positive, live for the moment type person but it does get to you. If his family can't accept him for who he is, then he must realize that maybe it isn't his fault it's theirs. They raised him. He didn't get through early life by himself. He grew up and did what was important for him, had a family. He needs to look at the positves in his life. He has a wonderful wife in you, and his children. He should understand that even though his family thinks that he is below them, maybe he is actually above them.
I don't know if this will help at all, but he is not alone.
@steffylikewoah (1762)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Omg.. that almost put me in tears. I'm going through the same thing.. my mom is helping us with gifts. As for his family.. I'm sorry to hear that. I get upset every time I talk to part of my family. But you're so right.. the best thing for Christmas is spending time with those you love, and your kids happy. We still haven't been able to buy my daughter anything.. I hope we are able to.. but if not, at least she's only 6 months so she wont know.. I just hope next Christmas is better.
1 person likes this
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I'm sorry to hear your in the same situation. I wish you the best and a merry christmas.
@Pici0274 (557)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Very sorry to hear that you are having this kind of trouble for the holiday. If it helps any, my husband and I are in the same situation. He hasn't worked for 3 months now and my mother is helping us out also. So what I am doing is trying to think up things to make. It isn't easy because I'm not very inventive. But I have found some ideas on this site. Good luck to you and your family.
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I think i'm going to do that coupon book idea someone posted. I hope things work out for you guys also. Merry Christmas. thank you for your response.
@kakuemmom (859)
• Canada
10 Dec 06
Tell him things will get better. I have been where u are, when my 2 oldest were small we had no money at all we were lucky if the bills got paid every month. Christmas was not a good time for us at all. This one year we had a car my husband was trying to fix up but that takes money so not a lot was being done with it. We had a guy come to our door and asked what we were doing with the car cause he could use it for parts and he had seen it sitting there for a while. Well we sold him the car for $150 and that bought christmas dinner and presents for the kids. We did not exchange gifts that year but the joy on the faces of the kids was gift enough and they really didn't get much but it was enough. that was about 14 year ago over the next few years we still had some hard times but never as bad as that christmas. Now my husband has a decent paying job and things are easier for us. It was hard work on his part and a lot of paitence from me but we made it. You will too just be there for him and let him know that u love him and its the kids who are important right now. Things will improve everyone goes through hard time. I wish you a very merry christmas and gl in the new year
1 person likes this
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Thank you for the encouragement. It helps alot to know other people have been where I am and can come back from it. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
@kawillow74 (1416)
• United States
10 Dec 06
It will all work out I know we where there. We where so young when we had our boys we had nothing it was tough but as years went on we have build our self up. My husband and I do have the money to buy each other gift but we don't because that is not the meaning for us. Your kids are still very young the 7 mo. old 2 or 3 little thinks she won't know the differents even the 2 1/2 year old I know when our kids where young we did not spend much because they really don't know or care they have more fun with the paper. Christmas can be depressing for some people it is overwheleing. Just do the best you can and be happy you are all together.
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I'm trying sometimes its hard to stay happy for the both of us. thank you for your response.
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
10 Dec 06
all i can say, is stay calm like you have, dont feel bad, and just be there for him for support, as sometimes my boyfriend feels like that and makes me feel like crap but i just learnt best thing is be there for him at the end of it when he does come out of it. and the best gift you could have is a wonderful hubby and kids having a good day. doesnt have to be all flash
1 person likes this
@ansmellayisa (504)
• Australia
10 Dec 06
Wow your husband is sensitive thats great and hard to find in a man.
I think you should ignore his family and tell him that dont let them bother you and dont let them know it bothers you. christmas is all about love not money and spending time with the people who love you enjoy the christmas and dont see his family
1 person likes this
@ShadowWalker (969)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I think the point is her husband wants to give her a gift to say thank you for say thank you for being there when I've, nice, nasty, hard to live with, etc. I can understand that because my brother is my main caregiver and I won't be able to give him a gift this year. Which has made me very sad and depressed because he does so much for me and doesn't have to. He could be one of those brothers who just doesn't give a crap but he isn't. I thank God for him every day. Hannah, be there for for him, love him, and make sure he knows he will always be there no matter what.
1 person likes this
@siddharth_sampad (319)
• India
10 Dec 06
well actually it is hurting him because he loves you all so much and loves his family so much n we all want love from our family too.. but thats not the case... and yes christmas is about being together and sharing wat u have...... so its ok just be with ur husband hold him hug him and tell him how much u love care n value him and not just u but everybody around......
best of luck
merry christmas
1 person likes this
@hannarose27 (514)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Thank you. I love to hold him so it isn't hard for me to do that.
@LovingIt (5396)
• United States
11 Dec 06
There's really not much you can do about his family. Does your husband work late, is that the reason the children stay up late and sleep late? That's what I'm understanding. If that's the case, I'm assuming you have explained this to his family? If they can't understand this, then I don't see what else you can do.
As far as him getting you a gift. Why don't the two of you agree to do things for each other for a gift rather than spend money on each other? I know that something like breakfast in bed would be a wonderful gift for me!
1 person likes this
@mystikel (577)
• Australia
11 Dec 06
Christmas is a hard time and I belive people have forgotten what it is about and its becoming too commercialised.
i am a single mum and have injured myself at work so been off for the last 4 weeks...makes it tough getting things for everyone at xmas. My kids are 20 months and 7 years. Luckily I started collecting things back in July and had tghem hidden in the cupboard. I have a few craft thngs here for my son to make pressies for the grandparents. They understand that I cant afford a lot right now and dont expect it.
Good luck and hope things cheer up for you soon
1 person likes this
@blakky (137)
• Australia
11 Dec 06
this is a really tough one and it's going to take more than just snapping him out of it sadly. i go through a similar thing every year - literally each Christmas i get very depressed and cry about it and i have huge issues. so i know how he feels and it really is something he needs to work on to resolve it. he's got to try and feel good about himself regardless of how his family are treating him and if theya re that horribly he may just have to cut off contact and ask them to respect him or he can't see them.
@proofsay (661)
• Indonesia
11 Dec 06
I know spending time with our husband is the best time in our marrital live.But we have to understand some guy sometimes still can accept it.They love to being with us but they still find their own lives because they were affraid that they had lost it.So i suggest it leave the problem away and enjoy your christmas with your kids,by the we still have so many christmas next years, isnt it?
@GrammaFood (716)
• United States
11 Dec 06
You just have to assure him that you love him and the kids are crazy about him and technically you and the kids are his family! What and how his family feels doesn't matter anymore. That the only people he has to worry about pleasing and making happy is you and the kids,thats it! Tell him for christmas he could make dinner for you,run your bath water,and watch a special movie when the kids are asleep. and you could do the same for him. You could even make a handmade card from you and the kids for christmas. To me when something is made from the heart and done with the heart that is the best present in the world and i has a special meaning that is priceless.
@yannefranco (341)
• Philippines
11 Dec 06
just make him feel that he's doesn't have to buy you presents to make you happy this christmas. Although gifts can be really sweet but what important is the sense of togetherness. =)
