Friends Who Leave You For A Relationship
By susangpyp
@susangpyp (40)
United States
December 17, 2006 7:42am CST
I posted a discussion yesterday about rekindling old friendships. After I posted it and was reading all the comments (thank you guys!)I realized that a lot of the "rekindled" or "rekindling attempts" friendships ended because the friend left the friendship for a relationship (disappeared into it or put it way ahead of our friendship).
I used to think that my issues with this were off the mark but then a friend told me this happened to him and his best friend and he told his friend, "I understand you're in love with this woman and she gets 99 percent of the time you set aside for other people but I want my 1 percent." He didn't get his one percent and wound up ending the friendship.
I've had this happen to me more than once, where I did not even get my one percent. Just scraps of time where the person was trying to squeeze me in while their boyfriend/girlfriend was out doing something or working.
Sometimes my friends seem to think I'm being unreasonable when I find this objectionable. I have never let my new relationships or serious relationships interfere with my friendships. I always make time because it's important to me to have friends and not devote all of me to a relationship. Thoughts?
Susan
http://GettingPastYourPast.wordpress.com
3 people like this
22 responses
@guitarkidwr (224)
• United States
18 Dec 06
rekindling old relationships is a good thing. i love it when i get a chance to see old friends
@damsel_prerna (863)
• India
18 Dec 06
hehehhe
its reaaly funny this has happened to me also
my best frnd ignored me because she was in a relationship and now tht relation is over so shes again frnds with me...
@Asimk12 (737)
• Pakistan
18 Dec 06
i hate those friendz or people who left his friendz only for the fqing relationship..!
So tht tim,e u should understand tht he was not ur friend..and he was not supose tobe a friend.he was only selfish man and he didnot care anything which he done with you or other..
@called2serveHim (205)
• United States
18 Dec 06
I LOOOVE YOUR BLOG! I have had the same thing happen to me also. When my sister got married, her husbank would have all of his friends at their house but when our friends would go there, he would rush us out of the house. She would spend all of the holidays with his family and it was like she forgot about us. Well we all got together and told her about this and she said she didn't realize that and we were being selfish and of course it went on again. I just accepted it and spent time with my friends, until she and her huband split up and now it's like she want to be there again. So I just accept her back and move on. I wrote all of this to say when a close friend or family member gets invloved in a new relationship or married we sometimes get put to the side because they are beginning a new journey in life so if we love them unconditionally we just accept it, be happy for them, and move on.
@priyank_lan (22)
• India
18 Dec 06
dear are you given me a http://GettingPastYourPast.wordpress.com is site it is realy gives me perfact information, are you belive in horoscope, if the above is yes so will you tell me how it is work?
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
17 Dec 06
guilty as charged! i am that kind of person once. but i realized it was wrong. i lost my friends in highschool. but i am glad that they still accepted me with open arms when i returned to them. i realized that i should have time with my friends even if i am in a relationship. i should learn to balance everything and be a responsible , reliable friend and girlfriend. hard at first but when you're used to it, everything's okey... even better.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
17 Dec 06
I've had friends I stood beside and included when my boyfriend would be over. We even would all go places together because he considered them his friends as well. Just as soon as each of them found themselves boyfriends they forgot to want to spend time with us. They both ended up with the biggest losers. Their boyfriends ended up being mooches and unemployed. One learned her lesson but the other didn't she married him.
@nehakalley4 (1918)
• United States
18 Dec 06
Yeah it happens with some people. One of my friend falls into a relationship with our friend only, but it didnt work out, now she has another boyfriend who knows all about the previous one and therefore dont let her talk with the rest of the friends as he think that we all are responsible for the previous relationship, He alsodosent let her talk with the guys as he is too possessive for her. We werebest of friends but nowthe relationship is there just for formality. Its so sad, and the more sad thing is that she thinks that what he is doing is correct.
@unisis (1673)
• Indonesia
18 Dec 06
Friends who leave us for a relation ship are not same as friends,because i think they should keep both things, both with us and with their boyfriends/girlfriends, but if they do not want to sacrifice themselves certainly they are not as true friends,i think so and how about you ?what do you think about this situation ?,friends sometimes can be hard work, and when you find your one true love, you often find that you get everything you need from that person and spending time with them is the best thing you can do,- it is enjoyable and it strengthens your relationship.
@bonnielass (484)
• United States
18 Dec 06
Some people let brand new relationships come and take up all there time and mind. Im a person like you that cherishes my friends from long time. First comes then, then the new friends. To me friendship grows in time. So it will take time for the new ones to be up where the old ones are.
@dip_cool (411)
• India
17 Dec 06
well yes i also had such friends who have stopped giving time to their friends because they are in love.all of a sudden they disappear from the scene,do not come to hang around us anymore.well i cant say for myself cause im still single but even if im in a relationship my first priority will be my friends and will absolutely spend time with them.
well another way of spending time with your partner and your friends together is just introduce your bf/gf to your friends and bring him/her to hang around in the group of friens.i have some friends doing that too and both them have become good friend of ours.
@learnandearn (254)
• China
18 Dec 06
Yea, I think this is a common question which may confront with everybody in the life. I always consider that which is more important to our life, lover or friends? Some people may say lovers is the answer because lovers will probably become the one who shares the rest of ur life. However, some other people may argue that even if lovers can be spouses, u may get divorced someday. who knows? but friends is the whole life thing which will company with us much longer than a relationship.
I have a roommate. we are best friends since his girlfriend's interposition. as what u said, he spent all of his time with his girlfriend and didn't play with other ones in the dorm. I just think it's sad, but I eventually find that these phenomena are very prevalent, and more and more people "join their team". This upset me, but what can we do to stop this? We even don't know whether or not we have the right to interfere their personal "two people world".
Maybe, what we can do is just wait. Wait for them to find that friendship is also indispensable and come back to us. I really don't know what we should do except for this.
@totolotto (711)
• Singapore
17 Dec 06
yes ... happened to me as well. but from the other person's perspective, they would prefer to spend their time with their other half as it makes them happier... so the only thing we can do is to find new friends who enjoy spending time with us :(
@Aeval39 (773)
• United States
17 Dec 06
I've been in a relationship for 3 years, and it's never gotten in the way of my other friends. If there is a problem with spending time with your other friends, just bring your significant other! My boyfriend loves hanging out with my friends and with me. We make sure to be friends, and not lovers, when we're around my friends. That way everyone gets their time. But really you can always find time to be with your friends.
@nirmalgold (295)
• India
17 Dec 06
I've been in a relationship for 3 years, and it's never gotten in the way of my other friends. If there is a problem with spending time with your other friends, just bring your significant other! My boyfriend loves hanging out with my friends and with me. We make sure to be friends, and not lovers, when we're around my friends. That way everyone gets their time. But really you can always find time to be with your friends.
@medako (33)
• United States
17 Dec 06
It's pretty common for friendships to change over time and outside relationships are often a reason. It's hard for people to juggle work, school, family, friends, finances, and everything else that comes with daily life.
Of course, it's always a sad thing to lose a friend...but it happens all the time.
