me and my son

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single parenthood is a joyful, sometimes frightening, odyssey. the responsibility of vince's upbringing is predominantly mine. this means i get to hog the happy moments, like a hug and a goodnight kiss and the smile that brightens his face and makes his eyes dance when i say, "I love you vince" and he replies "i love you mama." but it also means im the only one around when he's burning up with a fever. he's the cuddliest roommate, the easiest date to please when it comes to eating out. he's now an eager companion to Mass, although he's abit noisy and sometimes impatient. no need for an alarm clock, because when its my time to wake up, he instinctively knows to turn on the radio and to scream, "ate, kakain na si mama." and he's the only one i know who joyfully kisses the pictures when he sees my face. i was so scared and unsure when i found out he was on his way. his delivery was one of my greatest physical and emotional challenges. but on the days and nights when he's visiting his dad, our home feels so quiet and so empty. "until you have children, you won't know the depth of your capacity to love." i read this statement recently, and because i have vince in my life, i know and i continue to experience the truth in that statement. in a perfect world, vince would share a home with both his mom and dad. i wouldn't be scared that my having such a strong personality and my being the primary influence in his life would be detrimental to his overall growth. just the other day, i am confused what to do, or what advises should i give to him most especially, his now on his 10th year. there should be a father who will give him support and advices "lalo na kung malapit na cya tuliin" (hihihi)...) he has a masculine actions. yet my son's exposure is limited to what i do, and what he sees me do, day in, day out. there's no dad around for him to see shaving, no basketball to dribble to foster a desire to engage in sports activities other than swimming, and no big male sneakers or boots for him to step into. he has a mom who uses all beauty products available, constantly rearranges her clothes, reads every single fashion magazine, pores over cookbooks and stays glued to all the cooking shows, relaxes by slaving in front ofthe hot stove, and listen to mushy love songs and boy bands. at most, he sometimes spends his night with his dad. that's really not enough time for him to have a dominant male fuigure to emulate. i know now that vince is missing out on so much. it's hard enough to be sure your efforts in rearing your child are adequate when you have a partner to share responsibility. when you're in it alone, you can't help but sometimes feel that your child is getting a raw deal. a child can never have enough hugs and kisses, words of encouragement, caring reminders to serve as guidance, concern about his safety and most of all, unconditional love and support. that's why a home, regardless of how comfortable it is, isn't complete if there's just a man around. she can try her best, and she'll give it her all. in the end, it's vince who gives so much of himself because he makes do and tries to flourish when not enough is given back to him. vince was the only one who i felt loved me unconditionally. shouldn't it be the other way around, that as the mother i should be the one loving unconditionally? it goes both way for vince and me. he loves me, not because i am deserving of his love. he just does. he loves me despite my shortcomings as a parent. he makes allowance for me when he knows im bone tired from work. he looks at me with eyes that make me feel like im an angelic creature. i hope that as we both grow up, vince's faith in me never waivers. and because of his fortitude, i will be strong enough so that we will evolve into all the family that he'll ever need.