how can i tell her to pay me?
By vehaileairu
@vehaileairu (2286)
Philippines
December 19, 2006 6:15am CST
i have a friend, she does have some problems with her dad abroad, thus she have sometimes of financial crisis.. so she ask from me and swore to pay me when her dad will send by the next month. then next thing is, her dad sent the money, i went with her and she claimed the money and then talks that its not enough, with all the payments at home blah blah blah.. then i just said, its fine.. just pay me when your ready.. then next days she just invite me to join her at a bar or have fun and drink and dance at disco.. and i just replied, maybe nest time coz im on budget and i dont intend to spend because i'll save.. then, she just say its ok. next thing i know, she went shopping etc..
im so confuse with this girl.. im that type of person who has one word if i say i'll pay tomorrow, before the day ends, i have it done at once.
i have this dignity that i stick on to, she made a promise to pay... now its been months, and she acts like forgeting about it.. i dont wanna ruin the friendship but as im feeling now, shes not even worth it.. shes just taking advantage of my too kindness and too much understanding, i always consider her faulty abuse.. when she needs the help im right away giving it, now shes forgeting her obligation..
how can i teel her, shes like not listening either..
and i know i cant expect people to be like me. she just forgets her word and i dont like it. i had the difficulty of saying this to her, since it will be like forcing her, but in any ways and means.. what move shall i do?
7 people like this
86 responses
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
19 Dec 06
It sounds as if you are a very mature, responsible, and honest young man. Unfortunately, the girl seems to be using you, and you will probably never get the money back. At this point it has been so long that you have adjusted your budget to be without that money; not that it wouldn't be nice to have it, but you have made things work without it. It's time to end the friendship.
It's hard to end a friendship, I know. But you have to think about what you have told us here. This girl does not share your same values and beliefs. She has not been open and honest with you; in fact it seems as if she's using you. Is that a true friend? You deserve to surround yourself with better people in your life. Cut her out. In a nice way, just stop communication with her. You don't have to get into an argument with her about the money. Just tell her that she is not the person you thought she was, and end it there. It's her loss, not yours.
2 people like this
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
thats a good point.. thanks for the advise... but im a girl..
^_^ have a good day.
@lauriefnp (5109)
• United States
19 Dec 06
sorry for the assumption! I should check the profiles before posting!
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
not a problem, i gave you plus.. most of you here who responded..
^_^ heehe.. i sound like a guy though... *_*
mmwah!
@SimplyJo (1694)
• India
19 Dec 06
oh jees.. i have the very same problem. i can NEVER ask back for my own money which i lend to friends or even colleagues. it bugs me but i still can never ask. what i do generally is ask my friends to do that for me.. i don'r recover most of it.. but i'd rather NOT ask then ask a friend back for money. i'm just like that. i expect my friends would remember but they don't. so if u r just like me ..remember one thing.. next time anyone asks u for some money.. just say u ain't got it/need it yourself - this has saved me from lending sometimes to ppl i know wud not return....
1 person likes this
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
oh, simlpyjo... *_* we are a hell too nice to be like this... im absolutely like you.. i just shut up and wat if she could ever remember.. they just make us like crazy expecting fools... how dare these kind of people exist.. why are they doing this to us? .. they have no heart.. :'(
plus for you...
1 person likes this
@cheongyc (5072)
• Malaysia
19 Dec 06
You are in a dilemma. You either lose a friend or lose your money. Unless you are desperate to get your money back, i would advice to forget about it. Consider buying a lesson with those money you lend her. You still have a friend and gain more experience. So you need to learn more carefully next time and avoid lending too much money to friends, especially those who could not keep their promise.
1 person likes this
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
i will learn a lesson cheong..
thanks for the response.. i'll never help her again, its a distance and barrier i'll place between us..
have a good day.. ^_^ mwah!
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
There is notghing that can ruin a friendship like money. I have seen so many friendships go under just because of it and i really hate it. I am very careful with whom i lend money to these days and I would never lend to anybody i didn´t trust 100% no matter how much or little. On the other hand me and my friends very rarely lends money from eachother, instead we take turns in apying if we are doing stuff - that works great for us!
1 person likes this
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
i do that with my best friends, the ones i grew up with.. i have been with them for years from childhood to adulthood.. and they never ask money from me... even if they just walk home because of lack of money.. now they are professionals and are rich.. but never they ask money. we are forever friends and are making a promise to build our future with same goal..
while this girl is like a new person for the sake of friends she doing me a foolish thing.. dont worry.. i'll learn and never will help her again even if she bleeds infront of me..
@kahheng (281)
•
19 Dec 06
Friends like her is not are 'friends' not worth having! Just walk up to her and remind her of her debt again. If she still take it for granted, ask her is her friendship to you in only worth that much. Is she still do not get the message and pay up, it is best to keep your distance from her.
I wonder how can she be on debt and yet go partying and discoes?.. that is very irresponsible of her. As for you, I would say you too have a problem. You are just too kind and gentle. You need to build a stronger heart, else you would be pushed around by people lilke this so called 'friend' of yours. Make up your mind and insist on things. It cannot be other people's way all the time.
1 person likes this
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
a very true reflection.. i have learned a lesson... dont worry, again, even if she bleeds infront of me, i will never help her again.
yes, she goes shopping and makes a lot of spending while i just watch her like she never knew she had a debt.
@rvbolisay (62)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
i suggest you tell her with all politeness as you can,
"do you have money to pay your debt to me because i need the money. but i you don't have enough money now you may pay me next week. is that ok?"
then, come next week,
"do you have money the money now to pay your debt to me because i need the money?"
and so on...
just do this until she pays. ;)
believe me, it works.
1 person likes this
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
^_^ thats a nice thing...
hahah... although its not my style.. im gonna do it..
have a nice day.. i gave everyone a plus here.
@joynithin12 (8)
• India
20 Dec 06
There is a saying "When you lend Money to a Friend decide first which is more important to you Money or Friend " So thats it .
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
19 Dec 06
i lend money to friends, too. but i've learned my lessons. sometimes, i can just say no to them. especially if they don't know how to pay on time as promised. i once loaned out a money to a friend. that's without interest since she's a good friend. she promised me to pay after a month. i've learned that she bought a new piece of celphone. i did not mind since it's her right to do anything she wants to do with the money. but after a month, she said she can't pay me yet. so,i extended it. she promised to pay me the following month. but then, when that month came, she was already avoiding me. when i text her, she says she can't see me because she's busy. she always says that she's out of money. made me furious! i hate people like this. they don't know to pay their debts. that friend of mine knows that i am not a rich person and i need money, too. yet, she refuse to pay me.
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
that sh!it... for the heck of celphone! well same thing with me too... i do hate their styles.. thanks someone is here and shares the same situation with me, shes avoiding me too.. but when she goes to spend, its like she dont have a debt.. im just watching her spending her money and doesnt realized that im so pissed... thanks so much, i feel like i got someone who listens..
thanks.
@sann007m2 (717)
• India
20 Dec 06
At first you have to show your self that you are not finincialy strong only for those friend ,that you have to tell them to pay.If you show that you have lots then its otomatically comes from your friend's side that ...."plz pay".
@ManastheMatrix (1007)
• India
20 Dec 06
ONE THING I CAN SAY..U R MAN WITH A KIND HEART.THAT KIND OF PERSONS U CANT FIND EASILY.U HELPED FOR WHAT U R REALLY.BUT SHE ..HOW COULD FORGOT IT AND UNDERESTIMATE IT AS NOTHING HAS HAPPENED..ITS NOT ABOUT MONEY OR DOING A FAVOR TO A NEEDY PERSON..BUT ABOUT PROMISES AND WORDS THAT ARE GIVEN TO SOMEONE.ITS VERY IRRITATING FOR ME TOO.WHEN SOMEONE DO TO ME LIKE THIS.ITS LIKE GIVING MISCHIEF.AND IF U SAY IT DIRECTLY THEN FRIENDSHIP WILL BE AT STACK...I THINK U SLOWLY REMIND HER OF THIS..SAY THAT ITS NOT ABOUT MONEY BUT THE WORDS SHE HAS GIVEN TO YOU..THAT SHOULD BE FILLED..
ITS ALL ABOUT ALL'S DIGNITY.
MAKE HER FEEL THAT WHAT U NEED .AND I WOULD SAY THAT IN FUTURE U SHOULD NOT GIVE HER MONEY ANYMORE.AS THATS TOTAL USELESS AND MEANINGLESS..AND I THINK WE DO WHAT WE MEAN FOR OUR WORKS..
I HOPE I HAVE SHARED YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME...HAVE A NICE LIFE.
@ManastheMatrix (1007)
• India
20 Dec 06
AND YES GIVING MONEY TO NEEDY ISN'T BAD..BUT TO THOSE WHO RESPECT YOU AND YOUR WORK DONE FOR THAT PERSON.AND THOSE WHO REALLY KNOW THE MEANING AND IMPORTANCE OF YOUR WORK..
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
yes, it is my problem, but at least make your statement worth. your not helping here. you dont know a thing to say this to me. it is you who have the problem of posting this futile response.
@raghwagh (1527)
• India
19 Dec 06
I think tat all relations and financial relations should be kept aprt and not mixed.You must ask your friend straightly about money and try to solve the issue as early as possible.Many times these financial issued convert good friends into enemies.Now you have two options eightr furget about he money and keep things going or be serious and try to get your money from your friend keeping relations apart.It is on you which option to follow.
@vanezzyi (206)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
i am guessing she doesnt really want to pay you in cash. When she ask you out just go with her, maybe she will treat you with te food and drinks and that will serve as her payment. Some people just does not want to think that they own someone money, but that doesnt seem that they didnt know it. they just dont want to pay in cash that i why they are repaying you in some other kind of way...
but thn again, mabe this girl is just doing this to you only..if that is the caem you should talk to her and tell her what is wrong...that is better than thinking that she is not worth to be your friend. :)
@jithinsb (518)
• India
19 Dec 06
dear friend...
i think you should tell her the thing that the times up..or you ll break the friendship with her...if she doesnt care bout your friendship she defntly wont care your warning..if so,you just forget yourself and make up your mind to hate her and tis will help you to get back your money...i think you r not able to get it back frm her is just because you still like her..if thats out of your mind you wont find it difficult..and that shud make u feel more comfortable ....and i too think SHE IS NOT WORTH YOUR FRIENDSHIP....
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
20 Dec 06
i think you have to keep on asking her until she pays your money back since i have the feeling that she is using you and abusing your kindness... you have to be firm with her and there is always a boundary between a friend... she shouldn't have make use of your kindness if she claims to be your friend...
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
20 Dec 06
i think you have to keep on asking her until she pays your money back since i have the feeling that she is using you and abusing your kindness... you have to be firm with her and there is always a boundary between a friend... she shouldn't have make use of your kindness if she claims to be your friend...
@vikceo (1301)
• India
20 Dec 06
if amount is not too big then forget your along with that girl. i hope this deal will be worth for evaluating a friend you once considered as worth.
but yes if money is big then there is no point of feeling shy and having a fear of ruining your relation. as per me be practical it is already ruined. this kind of cheap things comes in between only after impurity in the relationship. she is not worth for you to be a friend.
@vehaileairu (2286)
• Philippines
19 Dec 06
ouch! truth really hurts.. thats a very direct point but i know its constructive, your right, i'll learn from it for sure.. ^_^
