Should I tell?
By jesi06
@jesi06 (279)
United States
December 22, 2006 4:44pm CST
Here's my problem: A very close person to me is dating someone for a few years now, and they are constantly talking about marriage. The problem is, my "friend" is not only seeing that person. She has had several guys call where I hear her say " I love you to" as well as several guys have gone to her house where I have witnessed her kissing them. Her boyfriend doesn't know any of this and I feel SO bad when I see him as I know this has been going on and I haven't said anything. I keep telling myself it is none of my business but at the same time I wish if someone knew of something like this happening to me they would come and tell me. What do I do???
8 people like this
86 responses
@onesiobhan (1327)
• Canada
22 Dec 06
Are you sure that the boyfriend doesn't know about it? Maybe they have an open relationship.
Another possibility is that she is just demonstrative with friends. I've been known to kiss my best friend and tell him I love him. That doesn't mean I'm having an affair.
If you are really uncomfortable with this your best bet is to talk to her about it. Either she will lay your fears to rest or you will find out that she really is cheating. (In which case I would give her an ultimatim - she tells or I will.)
One thing to keep in mind is that nobody ever thanks the person who tells them the unpleasant truth. You may find you lose both of them as friends.
1 person likes this
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Thank you for your advise. I never really thought about it the way you said "nobody thanks the person who tells them", you are absolutly right. As far as the kissing of friends, I give them an occasional kiss as well, just I don't "import the kiss from France" when it's just a friend :)
@jammed (153)
• Philippines
23 Dec 06
I understand how bad you are feeling right now. I've been through to this, the only difference is my friend knew that the guy, which was also a friend, was cheating on her. We were too involved in their relationship that our friendship with the guy was broken. Involving yourself to other's relationship may not be that good. But you have to weigh things out. Are you friends with the girl, too.
If you are concerned with the guy, maybe you can tell him how the girl's been acting.
1 person likes this
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
23 Dec 06
The female who is the "cheater" is my friend only. The only reason I have come to know the man is because he is her "fiance". I don't know him long, basically about a year or so but I see him often. It just makes me feel like a "liar" and almost guilty when I see him. I don't want to BE involved with their relationship, but she kind of "forces" you to be when she brings all these different guys around then wants to act "innocent" when her fiance is present. It makes me sick!
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
23 Dec 06
To be honest I think you should talk to your Friend and see if you can get any sense into her and if she is doing this she is definatly not ready for Marriage at all
If you think your friend will fall out with you if you say anything then you have to think how much her Friendship means to you and possibly turn a blind Eye
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Thank you for the advice. I have tried to "blind" myself however it is really hard. She acts as if she is "almost proud" of the fact she has all of these men. I don't feel as though she truly loves any of them. I feel bad of talking about her like this, but she is selfish. This man truly loves her and she is treating him like garbage.
@xtedaxcvg (3189)
• Philippines
22 Dec 06
You should always follow your conscience. Do what your heart tells you to. But you have to plan your actions, dont just go barge in on them. You have to talk to your friend about it and ask her to stop or at least make her tell her boyfriend about it. If she doesnt listen and keeps on with her flirtation and all, that's the time that you tell her boyfriend. Or maybe plan a scheme where her boyfriend would catch her on the scene. That way at least you gaev her a warning. If she tells you that she doesnt want to be friends with you anymore then fine. You wouldnt want to have a friend like her anyway.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
22 Dec 06
How well do you know her boyfriend? You obviously feel this is unacceptable behavior on your friend's part. He deserves to know the truth about this woman. If she marries him, this game she is playing will obviously go on. She is pulling the wool over his eyes now and she will continute to do so. Better to break up a relationship than to have a marriage fail later on.
1 person likes this
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I just know him through her. He seems like a really great guy. I see him do many of the things women wish their b/f would do...like open doors,shower her with gifts,(flowers, jewelry, candy, etc)tells her how beautiful she is(even when she is a complete mess :). I love her and all, she's like a sister to me, but it really STINKS what she is doing to this poor guy.
@sammy1128 (241)
• China
23 Dec 06
first of all,if her is your close friend,you should talk to her seriously,since she has talked about marriage with her boyfriend,she should not be dating others again.as a girl,she should not be of easy virtues.if she doesnt take your advice,you just wait to see the result.
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
23 Dec 06
I agree, they are. However how far must one go. I bring myself to wonder how far I would go to protect her. Would I "cover" for her if she robbed or killed, no because she would have done something illegal. Then what about this, this is immoral which I believe is worse.
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
22 Dec 06
I've been in your shoes and I tell everytime. I have lost friends over it but I have also kept friends because of it. She is the one that is wrong.
@inderjeetnogi (514)
• India
23 Dec 06
if the relations between her and her boyfriend are strong, he may understand it.
one thing which should lie in between is understanding.
you should first know the nature and relationship roots.
1 person likes this
@darkwingz (46)
• Philippines
23 Dec 06
I think you should ask your friend bout her actions, because you feel sorry for her boyfriend that you think you should tell it to that guy right? So you need to talk to your friend first so she wont get angry to you, tell her that 'your a true friend and you just dont want to tolerate that kind of actions, you just feel guilty because you know that she's cheating on her boyfriend yet you didnt say a thing because your afraid that your friend might get angry at you so there.
@remaster74 (4064)
• Greece
23 Dec 06
Tough situation and decision. First of all, talk to your friend. Tell her that it isn't right, and that there are lots of people that could tell her steady boyfriend about the others. If she continues doing it, then first, she doesn't deserve to be your friend as you have different morals, and second, you tell her boyfriend, so not to get hurt by someone laughing at him.
1 person likes this
@scorpius (1792)
• India
23 Dec 06
she is your friend.so stay out of it if you want that friendship to last.howevery if you think that friendship is not worth it then fine go ahead and tell that guy abt her.but polease remember they may not exactly thank you fr telling the truth!
@susanscs (268)
• Spain
23 Dec 06
My advice is to stay well out of this, because whatever you attempt to do will be wrong. Let your friend sort herself out and stay in the background, be there for her if she needs you. She isn't a very good friend anyway putting you through this sort of torment.
1 person likes this
@learnandearn (254)
• China
23 Dec 06
As a friend, it's not advisable for you to tell that guy directly the truth about your friend's unfaith. Because that doesn't do any good to this problem. The wise thing you should do is talk to your friend and tell her what she does is wrong in any sense. I think your friend may realize that she'd better stop the silly thing, and treat her boyfriend sincerely.
