some of funkiest jokes........................bad jokes.............

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Gifts One day The Lord spoke to Aadam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Aadam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new oragans for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eave. oamThe other organ I have for you is called a paenis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and 2007 populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to feb give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" The Lord looked upon hum Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time." ** Small Compensation A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own 005 shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on 22 my shirt again. If the wife 21 finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the ba07 rtender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his ok wife feb jan about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds tjawo twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yea nh, he crapped in my pants, too.”

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The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can`t you see, Ben," intoned the Parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."

Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide. Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green. Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide. From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE BAD HAIR WHEN... ...birds return to your hair every year to nest. ...people ask you what it's like to get electrocuted. ...people stop you on the street and ask if you do children's birthday parties. ...children point at your head and say... "What's your kitty's name?" ...you're asked to remove your hat in a restaurant even though you're not wearing one. ...you get barber shop gift certificates for birthdays and Christmas. ...dogs growl at your head. ...a parent points to your head and says to their kid, "That's what will happen to you if you don't eat all your vegetables". ...your barber asks you, "Should I cut that one on the top?" ...you get job offers from Ringling Bros. Circus. # How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@OCDSB.edu.on.ca or Elvis-the-King@OCDSB.edu.on.ca Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." Dont use any punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Specify that your drive through order is "to go." Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" 3rd time this week!!!" When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!" Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."