Marriage - The Giving/Taking of a New Name

When my mom married for the second time, she kept her first married last name still, but also her new last name. I think the only reason she did that to not confuse people who had known her as her first last name. So she just hyphonated the two names. But it doesn't matter to me either way when I get married, if I keep my maiden name or take my husband's last name.

I just got married, December 14th and am now in the process of changing my name to my husbands. In my viewpoint it is an honor...for me to accept his name as mine, and for him to give me his name. It works both ways. I am truely honored that he has taken me as his wife, and gifted me the precious gift of his name. It doesn't hurt that I really love his last name too, I guess, lol. I am also very old fashioned, so maybe that is where I get this idea from.

I think that it could be viewed in that way, yes. I think that they should turn the tables and have the man take on his wifes last name, hehhehe. When I get married I will be happy to take on my husbands last name (I like my boyfriends last name, as it goes good with my first name) but I think that if it sounded too funny I would still go by my own last name but have his last name on the end.

Hi! I had a hard time changing my name because it just boiled down to an identity issue. I knew who I was under my maiden name, but changing my name was scary to me. I finally did it before we had our daughter. Turns out I'm still me, but it was a hard thing to do.

hmmm... this is an interesting discussion. Part of my family is Japanese. One generation had no sons to carry on the family name, so when one of the daughters got married, the husband took on his wife's name, so that her family name would continue. I think it works both ways.

well if you think about it, if you get married and you keep you last name and then you have a baby. should you give the last name of the fater or of the mother? how will you explain the difference in the last names to your child/children? i am and will be proud to take the last name of my husband. if you marry someone who looks at you as a possession then maybe you should rethink your vows and decision to marry this person. it is a good tradition, i intend on using my maden name as my middle name. maybe that might be another way to look at it.

In Spanish speaking countries when a woman married she did't lose her maiden surname. Instead, she added her husband's surname, with de preposition "de". If Miss Miller married Mr. Brown she would then be Mrs. Miller "de" Brown. Nowadays this use is not so common. Many women continue taking their old maiden surname without adding her husband's to it.

I don't feel changing a woman's name to a man's (I assume you are talking of changing the surname from the maiden name) is viewing woman as a man's possession. I feel the woman should maintain her maiden name till she truly believes that she is in a relationship where she is equal to the man and shares everything with him. I consider it as sharing a name. I still have my maiden name and haven't changed it to my husband's because I do not feel I am sharing my life with him. We are still learning about each other. And the moment I feel we are one and I can openly discuss or talk about anything with him without having to worry about how he takes it and the moment I can trust him with my heart's deepest secrets, I will change my name. If you are wondering why I married him if we still don't know each other...mine was an arranged marriage.

Nowdays a woman can opt to not change her name and still be married. My daughter opted 12 years ago to hypenate her maiden name to her married name. But recently she totally dropped her maiden name as it kept causing trouble with the IRS and getting her tax refund. They would not accept her hypehnatied name. She is the bread winner now since her hubby is disabled and files taxes and they did not like it two years in a row they withheld her IRS refund and she had to fight to get it. So she recently just went to her married name. She needed the $4,000 to help her large family. They have five kids.

As a man I guess this is something that I never even thought about. When my wife and I got married I just assumed that there was no discussion about this, she would take my name. And infact she did. But I guess I could see how it could be an issue for some people. Personally I don't see it as a sign of ownership. There is no way in this world that anyone person should own another, and I think that if a female beleives that the person she is marrying see it as this she should take another look at that person to see if she really wants to go through with it. I see the giving of a mans name to a woman as a huge honor. Think about it. This man choose you out of all other women in the world to take his last name. Likewise, I see it as an honor that a woman would love me enough to take my last name, just another signal as to how she is another part of me.

Giving the name is a gesture of accepting the female in Male's family and treating her as a part of family after marriage...This has been an old custom and is followed till date and has a logic behind it

I think that women fought too hard to be seen as equals to men so why lose your identity??? You don't see men changing their names. I have never understood that. I would NEVER change my name because it just doesn't seem right. I think women should keep their own names and be seen as themselves as an individual person and not just someone's wife.

Hey sarahbeth :) I believe strongly in marriage (which might explain why I didn't let a divorce deter me from finding happiness again!). Where I live, women are not allowed -- by law -- to take their husband's name. Since 1981, a woman here must keep her maiden name for any official, government, hospital, etc.-related reasons. I guess it simplifies things (for them!) in these times of multiple divorces, remarriages, and all but it can be very hard on the older generation. I mean, imagine a female senior citizen entering the hospital. She may be married for 40 or even 50 years... and she is listed at the hospital under her birth/maiden name. Anyone calling the hospital for information on her condition would need to know that name and they've probably known her by her married name for her whole adult life! This even happened to us when my mother was ill with cancer and in and out of hospital over several years... we had to keep reminding people of her maiden name so they'd know where and how to find her. I love my husband to pieces and would not object to taking on his name... but the government only allows me to do it socially. Otherwise, it's not possible. I find it pretty sad, all things considered. So, as it is now, we have three last names in our house... his, mine and the kids (who carry my ex's last name). Imagine how frustrated the schools, sports and leisure organizations are around here! It's hard to keep track of which kids go with which parents anymore! ;)

You know I never thought of it quite that way, as it being sort of privelege for a man to "give" you his name. It's a good point. I always have planned to take the name of the man I marry, when I marry him. THe only twist on it is this: I will be a doctor in June. So it's possible that I will have established myself somewhat in the profession by the time I get married...So I may end up doing a sort of compromise, where I legally change my name but for professional purposes continue to go by my born name.

I think that a woman should have a choice..whether to take the man's name or not. I don't think it is totally based on men's possession aspect. I would personally not like to give up my name..and have thought about keeping it in some form..however..if there is real love there then I think that it is just your way of telling the world that you love that man..and his name.

I thought it was a tradition for a female to take her husbands surname but this day and age you can carry whichever one you want or even join them together.. I like my biological surname as that it is my identity that is who I am and I don't feel right changing it. I feel I will lose my personal identity but then I suppose it would be good for those who would like to say start a new life fresh with a new name... If I ever get married I sure I would take his name however so as it would be the same as the kids as well. I believe a child should carry there father's surname. I guess I am a little confused on the situation. It seems strange when you read to far into it..

i think that it's up to each individual/couple to decide what is important and what it represents to them. i know many women who wish that they had kept their maiden names, but they grew up in a time where it was not common. i was willing to change my last name to my wife's, and think that it is important for the children to have her name - i believe matriarchy is more functional than patriarchy!

I wish I had known when i got married that it is not compulsory for the female to take the mans surname when they get married ... I would have kept my maiden name as my husbands surname was a bit of a mouthful to say ... and I always had to spell it out for anyone ... If I were ever to get married again .. I would not take the mans name ... perhaps pair them up as a double barrelled name ... but I will keep the name I have now for the rest of my life ...

well, now a days... men can and also would change their names to be the women's name:) its fact:)

I do not feel the need to take a man's name. When I was married, fortunately it was a very short lived union and I never got around to legally changing mine and I'm glad I didn't. I really feel like my name is a big part of who I am and I really wouldn't want to change that. I can't imagine sticking someone else's last name on mine, or worse yet, hyphenating it.