What would you do??
By honeybfly83
@honeybfly83 (1021)
United States
December 29, 2006 7:34pm CST
One of my best friends just got married a few months ago and since then we have all been really good friends (Me, her and her husband) Well, her husband got my email address from someone elses forward and started emailing me from work. I didnt think anything about it so we have been chatting a little through email everyday. Well, lately he has been hitting on me and saying things in his emails like you should go to the beach with us next year I bet you look great in a bikini ect. It is really making me feel uncomfortable because he is married and married to one of my best friends on top of that! What should I do? Should I tell his wife or should I just tell him I am not interested and not tell her anything about it? What would you do?
16 people like this
147 responses
@thundercat (505)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Considering he is married to one of your best friends I think you should tell your friend. Clearly she doesn't know its going on and if you confront him about it and then she finds out that you didn't tell her you could lose a great friendship. I'm not saying to ruin her marriage but she does have a right to know.
4 people like this
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Thank for the advice. I know that telling her is going to hurt their marriage but I do feel that she has a right to know.
3 people like this
@blastrail (345)
• India
30 Dec 06
I think you like him that's why you didn't hesitate to avoid him. If you don't like the person personally you will not bring the matter till this point. Anyway go ahead and enjoy with him till you get married if you really like him. Don't let your friend know about it. These things are common nowadays. So I am pretty sure you will end up making intimate relationships with him without letting your friend know about it.
1 person likes this
@nickventere (1420)
• Zambia
30 Dec 06
But before u tell ur best friend, have u tried to tell him off about it? I mean, not in a nasty way, but just to talk with him that u r not comfortable with his approach or advances, or that u think his choice of words and descriptions of u are not appropriate?
Perhaps that would be the best way to go about it. If he persists, u can then tell ur friend.
I just hope u still have all those e-mails and/or chats for proof in case ur friend finds out b4 u tell her. At least, u could defend urself that u wanted to deal with it in a more mature way than make a fracas. So, never delete both ur Inbox and Sent Items!
PS. I think u sure would look gr8 in a bikini! :D
1 person likes this
@BittyBiddy (2903)
• Ireland
30 Dec 06
I would block his e-mail address and then just pretend you never got his e-mails if he ever asks. Pretend you know nothing about what he's said. Nothing has happened so far, and if you approach your friend about this, you're going to upset her, maybe cause a huge argument between herself and her husband, and probably end your friendship with your friend.
4 people like this
@greengal (4286)
• United States
30 Dec 06
A little tricky ain't it..Well if I were in your place I would tell my bestfriend about it so she can talk to her husband in turn. Instead of her finding out about this in some other way its better you tell her. If she really is a good friend and trusts you then she would be more than glad you told her about it. It definitely isn't right of him to mail you with such things. The sooner you let her know the better, before things get out of hand. Wish you luck!:)
@rebelann (112966)
• El Paso, Texas
6 Apr 20
I can't help but wonder what you finally did @honeybfly83 I hope you're still friends with her.
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I would first let him know that you do not appreciate him hitting on you or making those kinds of comments, then if that don't make him stop, I would threaten to tell his wife, and if that don't stop it, I would tell his wife! Don't give into temptation girl!!! Best friends are hard to come by!
Good Luck!
@melody1011 (1663)
• India
30 Dec 06
Yes I agree, it would be better to talk to him first and let him know you don't like the way he talks to you. Tell him if he continues talking like this you would be forced to tell his wife. Hopefully he'll back down. Otherwise, be prepared to lose your friend if you do decide to let her know about her husband's behavior.
1 person likes this
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I know they are hard to come by! I am not interested at all in him and I feel so sorry for Sara (His wife) Thanks for the advice
3 people like this
@natuser28 (907)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Okay, first off u have to blame yourself for continuing the conversation after he got your email.Second, did u ask him right away as in how did he get your email address? Third, u need to tell his wife right away that he wanted to get with u to begin with.
3 people like this
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I did not continue the conversation. I just didnt answer his emails after he sent those. He sent another later saying He guessed I must be busy and he was getting off work. Thanks for the advice :D
3 people like this
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
30 Dec 06
Man, what a creep :( He's a newlywed and he's doing that?? I'd just be direct, honeybfly83. Tell him that you are very uncomfortable with the comments he is making and that you are SURE that his wife wouldn't be pleased to find out about them. He *should* get the message. If he doesn't stop it, I'd tell her.
3 people like this
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
I think that is what I am going to do. He doesnt work on the weekends so He wont be emailing me again until monday. Thanks for the advice!
4 people like this
@rebelann (112966)
• El Paso, Texas
6 Apr 20
Just delete his emails or maybe show them to her either way get away from that relationship @honeybfly83 Men sometimes think women are flirting with them if they happen to be friendly so he might think you wanted this.
@kstanley7 (1171)
•
30 Dec 06
I think that what you should do is backlog all the emails into a folder, make sure you mark it with the following name.. For (friendsname here) to see. then do either one of the following things, Tell him to stop, just by replying to the email, and then blocking his email address, or you can do this, but it might cause tension between your friend and her husband, either way, this is a serious position of mistrust on his part. something that you or your best friend should have to go through. Remember if you do tell your friend, show her the contents of that folder. so she knows that it has been going on. I am sorry that you are going through this though and I wish you all the best with your friendship as well as your state of mind during this persecution.
2 people like this
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Thanks for the advice. I think I am going to just tell him to stop. If he doesnt I guess I will have to show her his emails.
4 people like this
@unithorn (193)
• United States
30 Dec 06
You need to express and truthfully justify anything that you have said to him.
If she is truly a dear friend, you will deal with having to earn her trust back (if it goes that far).
Don't make him out to be a creep, just let her know what is going on. It may benefit you to say something to the extent of "Hey, let me show you these. I was talking with *****, and it just struck me kinda odd - I'm not offended, but it was a little flirty, almost. Is that his nature, or am I reading too far into it?"
Perhaps this seems a little too light for it, but keep in mind that she is married to him, which GENERALLY (though not so much anymore) means that she loves him and plans her future with him. Simply bringing it to her attention will let her decide for herself. Don't do anything rash. If there is potentially a problem, she will immediately start putting things together in her head (and, by you showing her what he wrote, you will most likely not be held to blame)...if she's not concerned, you don't need to be for her sake (though the emailing should probably stop).
1 person likes this
@aycutie79 (21)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Wow! I could imagine how awkward you must feel. I would first let him know that you feel very uncomfortable with him making such comments and kinda tell him to back off. If it persists after you let him know that then I think it would definantly be in your best interest to let your best friend know about her husband. I would definantly want my best friend to let me know if my husband was making passes at her.
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Thanks for the good advice! Thats what I was thinking If I was in her situation I would want to know too.
2 people like this
@Stefanija (80)
• United States
31 Dec 06
Basically I think this question is self explanatory, she's your best friend, you tell her and show her the emails for proof, you need to save her the heartache of a cheating husband, if you dont tell her, then she will be hurt in the long run when her husband decides to hit on someone else and possibly take it a step farther, put yourself in her shoes, you would want to know right?? then do the right thing and tell her, but show her the emails as well, so if she wants to disbelieve, she has the proof in front of her!!!
@isawu2 (97)
• Canada
7 Mar 09
I was in a similar situation only it was my sisters husband was cheating on her I told her and she didn't believe me eve though I had pictures. She never spoke to me for over a year because she though I was after her husband which I hated with a passion.
@amit312_18 (638)
• India
30 Dec 06
well i think first of all you need to be very straightforward to him that you are not at all interested in him and not even in his rubbish talks.then you must say him that if he is gonna continue like this then you are gonna tell all to your friend.
Still if he persists on abusing you or making you feel uncomfortable you must tell your friend that her husband is disturbing you and sending you mails....like that.
i think she will manage it.
And even after that if he continues to disturb you then you can take legal action against him.i think that will be when the water will flow above the bucket.....I think if i wud have been at your place i wud have done the same thing i m telling you.
@ahmedrulezz (103)
• Pakistan
30 Dec 06
I think you should first talk to the person right away and confirm his expectations. If they re bad then straight away tell Sara all about it. Be faithful to your friend. Even your friend doesnt deserve this person too.
@leedug (920)
• United States
30 Dec 06
Ewww, thats gross...and he JUST got married? Tell him that you are not interested and if he keeps it up you will tell his wife. You want to get him to back off before you tell her because she may get mad at you herself because they are newlyweds and she wants it to work with him. He may be just scared that is he is newly married and acting it out. Make it clear to him that you are not interested. Good Luck.
@vishal_patel (194)
• India
30 Dec 06
Don't take it lightly, Do talk with him that you feel uncomfortable.
@bonnielass (484)
• United States
30 Dec 06
telling her when nothing happened could reck your friendship. You could say you seen him looking at women in a sexy way and it icks you out. That might work better.
As for him you need to tell him your off limits. That its morally wrong and that you love your best friend and wouldnt want to hurt her as he should love her and not want to either. That if you catch him doing it again you will tell.
I really do hate when a married man hits on me. Makes me feel skeevy.
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
30 Dec 06
telling a good friend that you may look good in a bikini, is not hitting on you... maybe you are letting things go to your head.
of course i dont know what else he said, but thats a complement. if he continues to push it then dont respond to him.
@honeybfly83 (1021)
• United States
30 Dec 06
That is not all he said if that was it I wouldnt have thought so much about it. I dont really want to post everything here but, he was clearly wanting our friendship to go further. Thank you for the advice!
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
30 Dec 06
My goodness! I feel for your situation I really do. And what hope is there for your best friend's marriage if this is happening only after a few months of walking down the aisle..... I would definitely make it very clear to your friend's husband where you stand and if he still persisits then tell your friend. For God's sake make sure that you keep a record of ALL the emails back and forth so that you can prove what really happened.
@paulaoliver (36)
• Brazil
30 Dec 06
I think that you should to comment with her friend what her husband said about you, if she is your better friend, things as this must be said.
