what should i do?

Aww this is sad, wmaharper. One of my family members has a very overweight child, who was just found out to be diabetic too, and in spite of doctor's instructions about eating healthy and exercise, the little girl's mother refuses to accept that her child is overweight. She dresses her in a clothing size that she "thinks" should fit her, so everything is way too tight, and she put her into cheerleading and says the daughter "loves it"... yet I think she's quite self-conscious because she is not as physical as the other girls. Whether or not you can say much, really depends on your friendship with the mother and you've made it pretty clear that she WON'T take it well. If you really want to maintain your friendship then maybe there are other things you can do to help. When you are going to be together, maybe you can plan to get out and get moving. Go to a park with the kids, instead of giving the little girl more access to a comfy couch and a tv... go to the mall and walk around for a few hours (it's still walking)... serve only healthy snacks, if they are at your house... things of this nature. In some situations, all we can do is lead by example. I don't understand parents who refuse to be parents. It's not a popularity contest -- sometimes the kids aren't going to like what's best for them but they need parents to be the guides for their lives!

I would say something to your friend it seems like her parenting skills are out of whack.because kids need discipline,structure,and kids need limitations,they also cannot be allowed to do whatever they want either.these kids sound like they are heading toward obesity which they will have a rough life i would talk to your friend she may be upset but you care about these kids so i would say something.kids need to get exercise on a regular basis they cant just sit in front of the tv all day.

its hard to say. i would try to talk to her about it. just tell her she did to do more thing with the child. good luck

We are all so sensitive when it comes to hearing things about owr own children. It is even hard for me to hear things about my children from my mom or a good friend. BUT, I think there is love in a great friendship. I think it is important for you to be able to say what you are thinking and since this is a health issue very much in the spotlight right now, it is important for your friend to sit back and try to hear what you have to say. I always approach conversations like this by telling my friend that I know what I am going to say might come off more harsh than I mean it to and to plese stop me if they feel uncomfortable. Then, I go for the most tactful opening I can muster, In your case, I might tell your friend how much I love her kids and with all the focus in the media about kids and movement, that I wonder if she feel she is letting them sit inside too much. I might not start off talking about eating habits as much as talking about how when I was a kid we played outside like wild animals from dawn to dusk. :) My mom had to beg us to come in. We did not have the net or cable and vcrs, of course.

it is impossible to discuss these things with your friend, you will hurt the friendship. People get very defensive about their parenting skills. What I do with my relationships like this is set the best example I can and really bond with the kids in healthy ways. If I were you, I would get involved in outdoor physical activities with the little girls and show them how much fun it can be to get moving!

Oh, I also wanted to say that you could suggest activities that the children can do that will get them moving. Invite the friend to a playground with you and your child. Or go to a roller skating rink (might be too young for that) or some other active place. Good luck

Maybe you should tell your friend in a good way that you are just concern with her little girl maybe she will listen to you for you are her friend.

This is a sticky situation of course, because you will no doubt insult your friend's parenting skills. Maybe you can find a toddler tumbling class, or like a "mommy and me" group that gets moms and young ones together and encourages activities that also include fun little physical fitness activities. Ask your friend to join it with you, and then you will be at least encouraging the kids to be active instead of sedentary. Also, you can maybe start a weekly outing with your friend, where you take the kids to the park, or someplace where they can run around and be active. This way you aren't pointing out her parenting flaws but helping her incorporate some new habits without actually telling her she needs to be doing this. You can also make a fun day of things by ending it back at your house where you will provide healthy snacks and foods for lunch. Maybe after she sees you doing this a number of times she will catch on to the trend and want to also do that at her home. If you are thinking about just coming out and saying it, you better be prepared to have a confrontational situation.

Its hard!! My son is also a tiny bit overweight. Not a lot, but enough, that my close friend did actually say things like " you could get him involved in more sports, let him eat more fruits and veg for snacks" I was not offended. If she cares about her childrens well being, she wont be offended. Does she want her kid to get picked on in school? Kids are very cruel. Not only that, but the health effects of being overweight. I wouldnt be scared, just tell her. Good Luck!!

It's really scary. its not really healthy for her age to be that big and its her health that will put in danger. Particularly her heart. Your just being concern im sure she will understand if you let her know about your thoughts. If she really cares for her children she will understand.

I think as a friend, it is your right and responsibility to say something. Is your friend overweight? Instead of confronting her, just ask her where she wants to see her kids in 5 years and in 10. No mother wants to see their child sick or teased. Kids need direction, that is why God created parents. Kids love and respect you more if you give them those limits. It is too much for a little brain to make such big decisions. Try seeing if she will join a mom-tot class with you. Maybe if you get the momentum going the kids won't want to stop.

I think that you should try in a subtle way to let her know that she is hurting her children.the children need her to be a mom that is concerned about their health.if the children are brought up to over eat.that will continue,because that is what they are use to,and it will soon be a never ending cycle.

This is something that is so hard to deal with at times... I have a cousin that is the same way in a matter of speaking but opposite... She's a freak over her daughter getting a little bit over weight... Even though at such an age it's important to have that extra weight, so that they can develope properly.... We had a fight a while back because of this, actually the whole family did... And a bunch of us ended up getting her books about childrens weight... The thing is that that woman isn't just screwing with her daughters developement, because being overweight can do the same, But she's inevidably screwing her up in a lot more ways than not... She's by all rights showing you that she doesn't care, as long as she doesn't have to put the effort forward to deal with her daughter, so she doesn't care if she eats and watches tv all day, because she's not in her way... There's always a way to get someone to listen, without causing a rift, you just have to do it right. I gather you've tried talking to her for a second or 2 about the effects that it can have on her daughters, Maybe try putting it to her in medical news or something, Say maybe that you saw on the internet a study about brain developement, and how it's dangerous to a child's mind to be over or under a certain weight limit, and how it's also been found that weight under the age of 15 or 16 in children has also shown that it can contribute to other problems like diabetis, Thyroid disorders and such... I think in this case isn't it more important to make sure that that child is more healthy, than it is to worry about a friendship with someone you may not even be a friend with 10 years down the road? I think your thinking the right thing hun... Take care, Best wishes.

I would have answered this question differently a few years back, but now I say keep out of it. Chances are, your friend already knows and has counted the cost in making a deterination not to take corrective actions with the child. And chances are she hears similar suggestions often. Besides, if a parent is ignorant and just wants their child happy, is it such a crime? In a world where so much wrong and hurt befalls the best of us, so what? So what if she becomes obese. Genetically, she seems to be prone to it anyway. That's what nature tells us about why we overeat and why we gain weight. We'd love so much to think that we are in control and that we can change everything about ourselves. We can't. I know this sounds defeatist, but life is life. It is about letting go, submitting, being content with negative options and circumstances. I wouldn't worry. You've got plenty of problems on your own plate I'm sure.

Tough call. Has she though taken her child to the doctor recently? I'm sure she gets checkups. I don't know if I would say anything because it might not do any good. She probably would be offended and then you could end up losing the friendship. If she has been brought to the doctor, I'm sure he would have said something. What does her husband think? Maybe you could talk to him.

Unfortunately, as much as I agree with you... and as tempting as it may be to say something to her... it's best to keep your mouth shut!! It will only make her angry, and won't accomplish anything other than her being mad at you for "interfering" even if it's for her and her kids' own good. I dont let my kids eat that much junk. I don't deny them junk either completely but I put a limit on how much they can eat AND the rule is they need to eat something healthy if they want a cookie or something. Fortunately they are active and healthy. Kids need to be kids but not when its going to endanger their health. As much as you may want to say something, don't do it because she won't listen. What will wake her up I hope anyway is when the pediatrician says something at their checkups.

Hmm this is a tricky situation. I can understand your concern too, my husband's neice too is overweight for her age. And she is only 4. Recently their family doctor told her mum (my husband's sis) that she needs to lose some weight now or she will become very obese. It is difficult to tell this girl's mother when she isnt concerned herself. Mabe you could int to her indirectly abotu obese children you've seen or heard about. she might take the hint.

It's a tough call if you think that speaking to her about it would cause problems. Perhaps you could take another route and try to show her how the child being overweight will cause her problems. When you visit instead of sitting inside perhaps suggest a walk to the park and let the kids play on the playground etc. This will not only help the child become a little more active, but first she may enjoy it and be happy to leave the tv for other pusuits and the mother may also notice the child having trouble keeping up so start understanding their is a problem and may cause future health problems etc. I understand for some kids it can be a case of a medical condition or metabolism etc but I do believe you should try to help - be it suggesting a visit to a doctor to check her health or find some way to introduce a healthier lifestyle.

If you KNOW that speaking about it will cause a rift, you can do some sneaky little things like giving the little girl a game like twister - all little kids love playing that game, I think. You can also plant seeds by asking if she plans on putting the little girl in dance class or karate or something like that.

Childhood obesity is a prevalent problem these days. As a good friend, if you see this as a risk, you should bring it up, for the sake of her child's health. There are ways to bring it up without sounding like you're judging your friend. For example, you can talk about your daughter's pediatrician visit. Then ask your friend how her daughter's visit was. Maybe that can start your conversation about her child's health. Also, you can say to her that you're looking into healthy kid-friendly recipes for your daughter, and would she be interested in helping you find some recipes too. How about inviting your friend and her daughter to an outdoor activity that your daughter is involved in, just to get them out of the house? Picnic at the playground, nature walk looking for interesting flowers, stuff like that. If the conversation is focused on your friend and daughter, it might sound judgemental, but if you phrase it so that it sounds like its for everyone, then it won't sound so threatening.