Relationship Advice Please?

Wow djshocker... you have a lot of issues in this relationship. First off, I just wanted to say that it's very clear that your fiancee is just using the Avon as an excuse to go and see her family without you (and I'm sure you realize this). I know people that both sell and purchase Avon and you're not going to be doing that with the exact same people every day and it doesn't take 8 hours to handle the orders. That's just silly. Since her mother doesn't like you (ummm... she tried to run you over with her car and she has a restraining order against you??? Good grief! I don't like my daughter's boyfriend either but I'd never do anything to physically harm him!), she just thinks that she needs to have a "cover"... but she has chosen something that just makes her look ridiculous. Someone once told me that the best way to look at a problem is to first remove any emotional content from it. Then look at what's left. You have a car and she drives it, without contributing anything to it financially. Your choices seem to be taking it away completely, letting her drive it as she does now, or telling her that she should have to at least earn enough money with her Avon to cover the cost of the gas she's using. I don't think her needing to cover her own gas expenses is asking too much. She's not a child. I mean, you live together and are engaged... I see why you feel it's appropriate to let her use the car... but she needs to grow up and take some responsibility for herself. As far as her getting mad and saying she'd like to see her family -- exactly how many hours a day does she NEED with them? djshocker, I don't want to offend you but this girl sounds like she is extremely immature, irresponsible and nowhere near ready to leave the family to be in a committed relationship with you as an adult. To leave you alone in order to spend all this time with her family, it makes me question whether she really wants to be engaged or not. And, like it or not, you have to realize that the entire time she is with her mother, her mother is probably telling her that she shouldn't be with you, shouldn't be marrying you, etc. That is not going to be constructive to your relationship. I am absolutely not going to assume that I can give you concrete advice about whether or not your relationship is "ruined"... but I would suggest that you give it some serious thought. If she is mature enough to become engaged and live with you, there has to come a time where she cuts the apron strings. She should still have a good relationship with her family but NOT at the expense of her relationship with her partner. She doesn't seem even close to being ready to do that.

I hate to say this but are you sure thats were she is going I mean does she actualy sell avon like the other said one can only use so much avon every other day is kinda hard to believe .I hope she is not telling you that and meeting some one . I mean why would she want to see her parents that much ?

some body need fried advice only i acepted.

Hey there... This is "veggiegirl80" from the yahoo group! :) Anyway, honestly...do you want to hear what I think??? I don't mean to hurt your feelings but this is coming from someone OUTSIDE of your relationship looking in. I actually someone would have said something to me when I was dating a cheater... But anyway, this is what I think... I really think she could be cheating on you and using avon as an excuse to be away from you... I hope this doesn't hurt you. I bet you are a GREAT guy and you definitely sound like it. But I get this vibe that you are a NICE guy -- but your girl is a BAD girl. Again, no offense. ;) Since you are a NICE guy (and NICE guys DO finish last -- my hubby is an example), you should find a NICE girl. :) I don't think a relationship has a VERY good chance of surviving if her mother doesn't like you and tried to run you over--well the mother has problems, not you. Oh, and Avon should require someone to be gone for hours! That is insane... LOL I don't sell avon but I sell other things which I do online... So from my end, I think she may have someone on the side and is using Avon as a cop-out...

This relationship is not ruined yet. What you need to do is try to sit down with her and talk to her on a nice lunch, dinner or supper or just anything. Be honest to her and tell her how you feel about her and how you love her and how much you need this to workout. Let her try to explain and express herself to you. Make sure you tell her that you are not going to be arguing, you are going to sit and talk like two mature adults and talk this out.

WOW!!! I think your girlfriend needs to try and understand your feelings and also what it means to be a responsible adult with a fulltime job. Not to say that she can't earn a decent living from selling but she must really sell not to just her family. We all love our parents but sometimes we have to grow up and start our own relationships outside of our parents but still include them. Why is the relationship with your mother-in-law so bad to the point that she got a restraining order? Is there anyway to mend it. Try to take your girlfriend to counseling and see if that helps. If it doesn't then it might be time to move on. If you can't move to the next level in your relationship.

Well, I always say that you can't EXPECT someone to change when you marry them. If they do change, hey, that's a bonus! If you can't accept them as they are before you get married then you shouldn't get married. This girl does not show you the respect as a fiancee' that she would need to be showing you as her husband. And what, if you're married, are you going to spend all of your holidays by yourself while she stays over there all day? That'd kinda suck, wouldn't it? I don't know if she's cheating or not. But it sounds like it's not out of the question, either. Check to see what the actual mileage is from your house to theirs then keep an eye on the mileage, or have someone do a drive-by for you to see if your car is parked there. Mostly, from what she says, she shows that she is too dependent on her family and is not ready to be committed to any adult relationship, as many have pointed out before me. She IS using avon as an excuse because, yes it can all be done by phone and internet, as well as she only gets shipments once every other week. It does no good to go over there 5 or 6 times a week when you only put in one order for everything at the same time. If she's putting in more than 1 order for the same order period then she's getting charged extra for it. Let her know that you two need to start working on the relationship if you expect it to work out. By the way, I wouldn't call someone I love an a$$hole, and I wouldn't stand for anyone calling me that either. She manipulates you because she knows that you will feel badly and give in. Stand up for yourself, man. I would love for someone to put me on a pedestal because that's what I do for any man that I'm in a relationship with. Personally, I think that you deserve better than what you've got. Best wishes to you.

well i dont know y she daily wnt to meet her parents once in a month is ok y daily u shud talk with her

It sounds like you really should go to couples counseling before you get married. It's unfortunate that her mother does not like you, but if there is any way you and she could make amends it would certainly help the situation. The way you have outlined it here, your relationship is unhealthy for many reasons. I think only a professional can help you resolve your issues.

Is she really going to see her family or is she seeing someone else? It sounds kinda weird to me if she's gone that long every day or every other day. And she doesn't want you to go with her and gets upset because you do want to go, sounds like she is trying to hide something to me.

The relationship is not yet ruined. it only needs a litle bit of understanding and giving. you love her for what she is and not what she is not. I know you have tried talking but it didnt get nowere. But Please be observing in your soroundings you will never now what will come up or happen.

I can't tell if the relationship is already ruined or not. All I can say is that sometimes when we love someone so much we are blinded by the truth. Our feelings get into the way of seeing what is real or what is really going on. We always want to hold on to that person because we love that person so much. I must tell you to leave something for your self don't give it all, don't put yourself in a situation where you will be sorry in the end and get hurt. Don't make love an excuse, love should not make you suffer. Love is suppose to make you happy. Can you still see love in what she is doing? You are lucky that you are not yet married and no kids. Give it a thought if you want to live with her for the rest of your life and feel that way and be left alone in the house almost everyday and if you will have kids in the future and she will continue doing that*avon* thing your kids will suffer too. Give it a thought. I do wish good things will happen to you.

dear friend,I have understood your problem,one compliment from me is you love your fiance very much even she hurts you,be like that only, and my answer is love your fiance more and more if she hurts also she will automatially turns out for your love and listens to your words yes its true because love has that much power the love you show to her will make her to forget to go daily to her family and she will make yours and their family happy.so dont fight and be patient one fine day she will turns to you.mean wile you try to make good opinion to their family so it will be easy to understand what is you to your finace.so love will make everything possible,so a good relationship starts from true love.

Ok, you definitely can't go on like this... I know you may have attempted discussing with her several times, but you have to make a decision and you have to make it fast. You should have a final talk with her (discussing everything that's bothering you). This should help you set your mind on what's going to happen next, so you don't keep your life on hold. Good luck.

If you have to ask.... :P sorry, but I think it's done. She sounds like she's being selfish, and doesn't sound like she wants to spend much time with you, but yet, she likes your car, your home, you're money, everything you're doing for her. Or, something else is going on. Really sounds like she's using you though. My family lives an hour away, and I get along with my parents pretty good, but I can't afford, nor do I want to be going over there every day. Start the new year off right, and get rid of her, I think you'll be much better off without the stress. Good luck!

i feel really sorry for you. either you're one of those guys for whom love is the ultimate truth, or you've wronged some lady sometime and you're now getting paid back. its obvious that your fiancee sees you as her financial ladder. its very convenience for her too, what with your mom being her boss! for your fiancee, its a marriage of convenience (though i doubt there will ever be a marriage) get out immediately, before she walks off with your entire bank balance.

dont be demanding. love unconditionally. patience. and most of all love her for who she is.

Well, my friend, that's the name of the game! Relationships hurt and cohabitating is hard! That's why I advise not worrying about it. Just come together for fun, when it's natural, then let things gravitate away. it's the only way to be honest with yourself, have some fun, and NOT grow tired and intolerant of each other! Really, expect things to go bad and they just might get a little better. Let her carry herself. Be rude at times. Lay down the law. Cut loose if it doesn't work out! Man, you got nothing to lose! I'm serious! This is why relationships don't work. People are always trying to accomodate other's dislikes. Just live your life and let her live hers.

FIGHTING WITH YOUR mate is not a solution to yo improve your relationship.....it is a human tendency that a person does that vwork which he is not allowed to do...so donot again n again fight over this.....also these types of things happen in new relationships...so nothing to panic this is not the end of relationship.....

i can understand your position dear...but this what we call a life...and we can't do anything for it..!