OMG!! I need your help!

• United States

2 Jan 07

Thanks Hun, My hubby & I have said that they can BOTH stay with us, until they can come up with the money to get their own place. Him & his family keep telling my daughter that WE are trying to break them up! How's that again? If we were trying to break them up, wouldn't we have said that ONLY she could live with us? (I'll admit, I'd have loved for them to break up, before she got prego. I'd have jumped for joy!) but, now it's different, there is a baby involved, now if she breaks up with him, it will be all her choice. My hubby & I are trying to get along with him & his family. THEY don't want to get along.

3 people like this

Stephanie5

@Stephanie5 (2946)

• United States

2 Jan 07

Oh, I'm so sorry. It must be so hard to deal with people like that! I hope you can convince her and him, if that's what it is going to take to continue to live with you. It sounds like his parents pretty much run him, and he's so young...so it's going to be extremely hard. It sounds like you are doing everything right, so all you can do is keep doing what your doing and pray for the best! Good LUck, I will pray for all of you!

4 people like this

@jade01 (803)

• Australia

2 Jan 07

I just want to say I think you are handeling this very well, your strengths as a mother are strong, I wish my mother handled things like this when I went through my bad stage. Keep up the good work, I hope my mothering skills will be as good as yours when it comes time to deal with the trying times with my children. Your family is in my prayers

3 people like this

jade01

@jade01 (803)

• Australia

1 Jan 07

I was 17 when I fell pregnate with my twins and in a situation very similar and all I can say is have a bit of faith in her, she will come to her senses, she will put her baby first, and later in life she will thankyou for stepping in. Dont push her too much you will only push her away. have a little faith and good luck

3 people like this

• United States

1 Jan 07

Thanks hun, I'm doing my best to just stand by her. But I'm so worried. Him & his family are trying to pressure her. She asked me earlier if him & his family didn't quit pushing at her, she was thinking about leaving him. she asked what I thought of it. I told her it was up to her. I wasn't gonna tell her what to do, but I would stand by her, whatever she decides. I just worry because he's so controlling.

3 people like this

@jade01 (803)

• Australia

2 Jan 07

Its the best thing you can do. So long as she knows that you are there for her no matter what and that you will continue to support her no matter what descission she makes and no matter how much you dont agree with it she will come around. It sounds like she had a good upbrining and she will want that for her baby. Hang in there lol Jade :)

2 people like this

theaustinproject

@theaustinproject (99)

• United States

2 Jan 07

It might help to hear more about your experience when you got pregnant at 17. What happened? Would you have done anything differently?

1 person likes this

@nobodyspecial (1011)

• United States

2 Jan 07

Since the boy is 17, his parents still have legal rights to dictate where he lives. Your daughter however can and will most likely make up her own mind about where she wants to live. I highly doubt she believes the old saw about 'having to get married for the baby's sake'. Kids today are smarter than that. As for there being feces on the floor, that isn't healthy for anyone including the animals. Poor kitties and puppies... I think I'd sit down with my daughter if I were you and simply ask her what her plans are. If she doesn't presently have one, give her some time to think about it. Being a parent is hard, letting them go is harder.

2 people like this

• United States

4 Jan 07

Because of the way HE has been acting lately, she has now said that she plans to wait till AFTER the baby is born to decide if she will marry Him. Hopefully she will stick to it & not allow him & his family to pressure her.

jenbatres

@jenbatres (799)

• United States

2 Jan 07

I would explain to her that child service can and will take her baby from her when it's born, if they find out the living conditions of the home. I would also call and animal shelter and let them know the conditions in the home.

2 people like this

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• United States

4 Jan 07

OH YECK!! I hadn't thought of that! Oh! I feel sick. :(

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thanks for the idea, if she moves back in with them, we will certainly look into it. I feel sorry for the animals, they stink from living there. Old softy me can't help but pet the little dogs when I see them. but, I gotta wash my hands after I get home, yech

jenbatres

@jenbatres (799)

• United States

4 Jan 07

Best of luck to you, I am hoping your daughter opens her eyes and sees what kind of life that child will have. REmind her that child will need to learn to crawl. Does she want her child crawling on the floors in that house?

1 person likes this

mamabulldog60

@mamabulldog60 (351)

• United States

1 Jan 07

Maybe mention child endangerment if she moves back with him, he's 17, hes not an adult, I assume he is not working. Go softly with this or you will alienate her

3 people like this

• United States

2 Jan 07

I'm doing my best to "go softly" with this. I'm taking her to the health dept. tuesday. Hopefully she can get them to do a pregnancy test, so she'll have proof that she's prego. Then I'm gonna take her to get put on medicade for her & the baby. (she's a hostess at I-Hop resturant, so she makes very little & doesn't have any insurance). Then I'm gonna take her & try to get her on WIC. LOL, I got a really busy day Tuesday, I also gotta take my oldest daughter's kids to the doctor for a check-up. LOL, busy, busy, busy. a momma's day is never done ;)

3 people like this

• United States

2 Jan 07

Thanks, My hubby mentioned that. yes, he works at taco bell. (but, since she's been with him, he's been out of work, more than he's been working) if he gets mad at work, he quits! & then takes months to get another job. They both dropped out of school a few months back.

2 people like this

cyntrow

@cyntrow (8523)

• United States

2 Jan 07

you should suggest that if they get married, they should move in with you. Stipulate that they need to pay a bit of rent, and help with food and electric costs. And that it is only until they can stand on their own feet. Honestly, I wouldn't want any child of mine living in "Jerry Springer Land" and it sounds like the boyfriends family is just that.

2 people like this

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• United States

4 Jan 07

We have told them that the boyfriend can move in with us, as long as they help with the gro bill. Until this evening, HE didn't want to. Right now, HIS father is on the road (He's a truck driver), should be interesting when the father gets home & finds out that the boy has moved out.

shywolf

@shywolf (4514)

• United States

2 Jan 07

I agree with this - it would be helpful if they could move in with you and have somewhere good to live and feel stable. I am so sorry for your situation and wish you the best of luck! ^_^

1 person likes this

@sexysilver (928)

• United States

3 Jan 07

As mamabulldog60 (the second poster) mentioned, if she moves back into that household it IS considered child endangerment, because of the fact she is knowingly & willingly moving out of a good environment into one that is unhealthy for her baby. And she can lose the baby that way (I'm not saying CPS, but yes CPS can wait until she has the baby, then take the baby away because of a bad decision like that), but i'm talking about a miscarraige. I would personally advise against a marriage simply because it seems all of a sudden, and I thought the same as you. That he might only be wanting to marry to insure he might get custody in case of a seperation. Marriage is a very hard thing & takes more effort than a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I got married at 19, had my son at 20, had a daughter at 21, and I'm due with our 3rd baby a month before I turn 22. To add to the stresses my daughter is disabled & is still in the hospital (she's almost 5 months old). Living at her boyfriends house MAY cause birth defects in her baby & to see your baby suffer & be helpless is horrible. I think the only thing worse is to know that you caused it (my daughter's problems are genetic). Feel free to contact me (your daughter too).

1 person likes this

bad living situations

gittabest

@gittabest (1946)

• Iceland

2 Jan 07

http://www.sciencetheatre.org/ask_st/041697.html Here is some site about how dangerous it is for pregnant women to clean cat litter box :D don't know if it will help but it's something :)

1 person likes this

• United States

2 Jan 07

Thanks hun, They keep telling her that they will clean it up, so she can move back in. BUT, they have carpet in most of the rooms, & the animals have been doing this since they've lived there (they own their home, so they can do what they please). How will surface cleaning get it out of the carpet? it's gotta be deep in the padding, maybe even in the floor under the carpet.

2 people like this

• United States

3 Jan 07

I found out yesterday that the boyfriend, his family & the animals have lived there 3+ years. A few months ago, the city got on to them for the outside of their house. They had junk cars everywhere. Said they were "working" on them.

Stephanie5

@Stephanie5 (2946)

• United States

2 Jan 07

Oh, if that's how bad it is, they will NEVER get it out of the carpet, it will all have to be replaced!!! Ewww, that's so gross!!! I really hope your daughter understands that this is a serious health risk, not for her really, but the baby!!

1 person likes this

Metallion

@Metallion (2227)

• United States

2 Jan 07

Well there must have been a reason a 19 year old would leave her parents to move in with a 17 year old boyfriend who probably has no way to support himself. Have you all had issues in the past? Granted it's probably not the best place for her to raise a baby, but in the end she will make her own decision. You might want to think though "What did I do that she would choose to live in such horrible conditions over living with me" and correct any issues you two may have.

1 person likes this

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• United States

4 Jan 07

Well said, my big girl. Love you bunches. Thanks for always trying to stick up for me. I understand why you do, & that makes it all the more special to me. Big Hugs, Momma p.s. Come here, I'm in the mood for a kissy/huggy attack (no fair replacing yourself with my granddaughter, LOL, I'll get you both). ;)

nightpegasus

@nightpegasus (15)

• United States

4 Jan 07

Hello new topic of discussion...just so everyone knows I am the big sister...I have 3 childreen of my own, I'm not too happy with the situation my little sister is in and I have to look at the stress all this is putting on her and the stress it's putting on my mom and I am supposed to sit back and keep my mouth shut because the "father to be " thinks I'm trying to invade their privacy, (even when my little sister has told him that she tells me everything and she asks my advice on everything) he thinks I'm invading... I am the one in the family with a short fuse and it's about gone... ...As for her moving out to live in that filth...she moved out when she was 18 and didn't tell anyone(no not even me) I knew she was thinking about it but this new family has a pull on her that I can't understand. A typical teenager is not going to get along with her parents, and is going to take any and every chance to prove that they are an "adult" that's why she moved and she also thought that she could clean that filth, she had attempted to do so until she thought she might be pregnant. An now she knows she is and is taking my mother's help and partly taking her advice. I think the "teeny bopper" issues were resolved when she(the little sister) realized that she had to grow up realy quick to raise her own child.

1 person likes this

texasclassygal

@texasclassygal (5305)

• United States

4 Jan 07

Oh goodness such drama at such a young age. First you can't control your daughter and what she does or whom she sees, just not going to work, probably didn't work with you when your parents tried to do and I am sure it won't work with her. Try to reason with your daughter and explain your concern, that is the best you can do besides be there for her when she realizes what you said is the truth, which she will in time, just relax Mom, it will be okay, you will see. Just love her and show her love and it will come back to you. Good luck and God Bless.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thanks Hun, I've been talking to her as an adult. so far she seems to be listening.

JustSimplyLissa

@JustSimplyLissa (547)

• United States

4 Jan 07

Ok i looked up some sites and your right. The following are links to sites that agree with what your saying about the "litter box" and pregnant women. Hope this helps! http://www.kidalog.com/catlitter.html There's alot of info on this one. http://www.bellaonline.com/ArticlesP/art2481.asp This is one from a news channel http://cbs2chicago.com/health/health_story_040081413.html there are a few. Hopefully this will reach her and she'll take note of what will happen to her baby in those kinds of conditions.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thanks so much for looking up those sites for me. I'm hoping she does what she says she's gonna do.

southernpixie

@southernpixie (741)

• United States

3 Jan 07

I don't think she should move back to a place that is that filthy. It can't be healthy for the baby or her for that matter. As for getting married, well I think it would be best for them to wait until they can afford to support themselves. It will make things a lot easier. I had my first child at 18 so I know how hard it can be.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

She has said that she plans on waiting till after the baby is born to decide if she is gonna marry him. she's giving him that long to straighten up. he keeps pressureing her & upsetting her. he even complains because she's tired & don't feel like doing everything HE wants her to do. she plans on getting her GED while she's prego, so she'll be able to get a better job after the baby. that way she'll be able to support herself & the baby. with or without him. I'm so proud of her, I just hope she does what she is saying she will. I had my first child at 18 too, wasn't easy.

fluffleshark

@fluffleshark (810)

• Ireland

2 Jan 07

Mommamichelle what an AWFUL situation!!! It must be really diffcult trying at once to 'go softly' so you don't alienate your daughet, and at the same time being so concerned over hear and her unborn baby's health!!! There is just NO way she should move back in there - I was recently pregnant, and I know that I was advised (by doctors) to not even do gardening in case any neighbourhood cats had 'done their business' there! It is SO dangerous! But this guys parents actually sound really scary! Yelling and performing and manipulating and being, quite frankly, what sounds to be rather psycho, while you're bending over backwards to accommodate everyone! Apart from the danger to the unborn child, would a filthy environment like that not also pose a danger to a new born baby? Maybe I'm wrong, but as far as your fears of them trying to gain access to the baby if they break up, I think that if the social services saw the state of the place those people are living they would have serious doubts about the baby's welfare there? I am so sorry you are having to go through this awful thing.Please keep us posted on how you are coping, and if we can be of any help in any way.

1 person likes this

• United States

3 Jan 07

They did more yelling than I knew about. My prego daughter told me that this last Tuesday, when she went with them to the grandmothers house (the boyfriends grandmother) for the grandmothers birthday, the father of the boyfriend went off on my daughter, yelling & carring on at her for moving out & the yelling that him & my oldest daughter did over here the day everyone found out. The "boyfriend" said "Go for it, let him get it out of his system!" and they keep complaining about putting her under stress! Even she is saying " it's you & your family thats putting me under stress.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

My family has always felt that the boyfriend was too controling. now I think my daughter is seeing where he gets it.

1 person likes this

fluffleshark

@fluffleshark (810)

• Ireland

3 Jan 07

Oh my heavens..... How AWFUL to see your poor daughter involved with this kind of family..... Your daughter and her unborn baby DO NOT need this kind of stress... As some other poster commented, these people sound like they're straight off the Jerry Springer show! Something that strikes me here is - it's very well known that stress (to the mother) can negatively affect unborn babies - now if these people were genuinely concerned about their unborn grandchild, SURELY they would not be abusing your daugher like this?! Because thats what it is - abuse! And as for the boyfriend - allowing his father to yell at your daughter - what kind of a boyfriend does that?! I may sound like I'm overreacting here, but it sounds like your daughter is in a sense in an abusive relationship. I really, really feel for you with this situation. And your daughter.

1 person likes this

goldilocks70

@goldilocks70 (89)

• United States

4 Jan 07

Okay, I just had to add my 2 cents. First and foremost, breathe. Secondly, let his dad talk out his fanny about his earnings. I think it would be best if you do the best you can to keep your daughter at home with you. They are way too young to get married just because she's pregnant. Don't be afraid of anyone taking the child away. It is very difficult to do. But for protection you can file papers or at least have them (custody orders and such) drawn up now. This will protect the baby and your daughter from any actions they might even consider taking. You can ask your local courthouse or social services office if they can refer you guys to an attorney that specializes in low or fixed income situations. They are pretty decent attorneys. Something like this doesn't have to be a permanent thing, but it sounds like you guys should be a few steps ahead of the game. I wish you luck with this and hope your daughter chooses wisely.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thanks so much, I hadn't thought of that. Hugs to you

goldilocks70

@goldilocks70 (89)

• United States

5 Jan 07

Your very welcome!! If you need any further advice, drop me a message. I will do the best I can to help!! I was in and out of court for many years with my oldest sons dad!

1 person likes this

steffylikewoah

@steffylikewoah (1762)

• United States

2 Jan 07

Ok.. I got pregnant with my daughter at 17, had her at 18. I'm 19 now. I found out I was pregnant in October '05, my boyfriend (now husband) moved in with us (I was living with my parents) in November. We got married in April, had her in June. I tell all that to you so that you'll understand that I have been in her situation. First.. I love how much you care of your daughter :). But what I want to tell you is, don't pressure her. If you do, she will go back to the Litter Box. I do know that a pregnant woman should not change the litter box, but as for being around the filth.. as a doctor.. or her OB. I believe even nonpregnant people being subjected to those kinds of bacteria can get diseases and such. Since she just found out, she probably wont see her OB for a few weeks, but she needs to talk to him/her about it. Best wishes to all of you, and btw.. Congrats :).

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

I made her an appt. today with a doctor that spealizes in prob. pregnancies. She goes to the doctor Jan 16th. I plan on telling the doctor about where she was living, so they know to keep an eye on this child.

shoelover

@shoelover (896)

• Australia

3 Jan 07

Hi, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I cannot understand how anybody could live in filth like that. When you are pregnant I agree with what one of the other ladies have said that your sense of smell ect are heightened. As soon as she would walk into that house I am sure the smell would make her sick. Cat and dog faeces and urine smell are very hard to get out of a house especially if there is carpet. The only real way to get rid of it would be to rip up all the carpets. It also then depends if it has soaked into the floorboards too. For your darling daughters own health she would be much safer staying with you. It sounds to me if the parents of the boy are not ready for him to move out of home yet since they keep harping on about money. Maybe they rely on their son and your daughter for bringing more money into the house. Encourage your daughter about hygine also. What I would suggest is to have a big family conference with a third party present like a counsellor or something that way if things get heated the counsellor could settle things down and just generally keep the peace. Hopefully that way a few things could get sorted. I wish you and your daughter all the best. ((hugs))

1 person likes this

daughters

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thanks for the idea. We had a meeting tonight. (minus HIS father, he was on the road. he's a truck driver). everything went pretty good, without the yeller around. I'm just not looking forward to the father getting back into town. (if you know what I mean) I think it would be really hard to clean, they have lived there 3+ years! with the dogs & cats doing their thing all this time.

suedarr

@suedarr (2382)

• Canada

2 Jan 07

You might not be able to find anything in regards to general filth and pregnancy online because it is just common sense that the one is bad for the other. I believe there are already a few links posted about pregnancy and cat poop. I wish you all the best and hopefully your daughter will listen to the advice already given here for the sake of her unborn baby's health.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

So far, she's listening. I'm so grateful to everyone who's been helping me thru this, it helps to talk about it.

tbomb2002

@tbomb2002 (269)

• United States

3 Jan 07

The transmission of an infection called taxoplasmosis is the primary concern related to cats. Transmission occurs from contact with feline feces. Worms can also be transitted from both dog and cat feces. Even if the feces has been cleaned from the carpet, the larvae may still be embedded deep within the carpet. These are just some things that could be potentially harmful to both the pregnant mother and to the baby once it is born. If you are truly concerned about the living situation, I would inform the health department when you take her in for her appointments and let them have a discussion with her about how to keep herself and the baby healthy, and maybe they can have a bigger effect on what they tell her then you can. If she still moves in with his family and the living conditions do not improve, you can always call protective services to go out to their home and investigate the situation to make sure it is a safe and healthy one for the baby. She is old enough to do what she wants to do, but as a concerned parent, you also have the right to contact the proper authorities to make sure the baby does not have any harm done to it. Good luck!

1 person likes this

parenting

pregnancy

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thank you. I took her to the health dept. today. they agree that she needs to stay out of that nasty house. they also said to be sure to tell the doctor, when she sees him/her.

ilvrshn

@ilvrshn (463)

• United States

2 Jan 07

There is a baby book that doctors usually give to you when you go on yoru first check up. It basically tells you the ABC's of pregnacy. If not you ccan always look online for concerns addressing your issues. I am so sorry to hear that. That has to be a health issue and you need ro bring it to her attention.

1 person likes this

• United States

4 Jan 07

Thanks Hun, I made her an appt. with a doctor today, she goes to the doctor Jan. 16th. I plan on telling the doctor about everything so he knows what's going on.

mom2rottie

@mom2rottie (620)

•

2 Jan 07

Your daughter and her unborn baby are lucky to have you looking out for their best interest. I hope his parents realize you are really trying to help and to keep them safe.

1 person likes this

parenting