Working Moms vs. Stay-At-Home Moms

I've been on both sides of the fence too and as mentally and physically exhausting as being an at-home mom is, and as much as I would like to "escape" and make some money (and friends), I would hate to give up my freedom and my time with my family. It's a no-win situation, my friend, but it's one you have to make the best of for the time being if you and your husband have certain goals in mind. Kudos to you for agreeing to take on the huge responsibility of outside work AND full-time motherhood while your husband finishes his degree. It sounds as though you both are feeling a huge amount of guilt, mainly because you both feel as though you aren't doing enough - he's not contributing financially and you feel like you are missing out. I had this same problem when I was going to nursing school and working nights at the hospital (I had just two children at the time, as opposed to three now). My husband assumed his normal "work" duties but also cared for the kids while I could get a few hours shut-eye in the mornings before he went off to work. I would be left for the rest of the day, caring for kids on very little sleep. There was A LOT of disconnect going on between me and my kids, and me and my husband. It wasn't until things really started to go downhill that I quit nursing school and my job. We decided we ultimately wanted another baby, and things pretty much went back to how they had been, with me being a full-time mom. I think you and your husband should have a heart to heart and really discuss your short and long-term goals. Is there a way for your husband to work AND go to school? I know many companies will even foot the bill for education, and most schools offer flexible scheduling to accomodate families. I have no idea what you do for a living, but would your job allow you to work from home or job share? Maybe you and your husband could both work part-time as opposed to one of you working full time?My sister, who is expecting her third baby in a few weeks, has made the decision to quit work. They are taking about a $70K decrease in pay, not to mention some really great benefits. She had a GREAT job and was a really important part of the company, which meant she worked some LONG hours. Her kids have been in daycare since six weeks old. But they are a VERY loving family. When she was working, every extra moment spent together was important and counted. She found time when no time was to be had. She had no regrets about working because she felt like she had given a lot to her family as well. I think it's a difficult juggling act, but it can be done. Just . . . don't be too hard on yourself. Give your family extra hugs and kisses. They know you love them, even if and when you are working away from them. Best wishes, BusyMomOf3 http://www.LittleWoolgatherings.com

Hi CrabbyPatty,I am Cheryl from the Caribbean and I can identify with what you are saying. Your situation somewhat relates to mine. But I encourage you to hang in there. Though it may be hard now it will be worth it in the end. Every thing in life that worth something have sacrifices to them. Like the elders say all thing good come with one sacrifice or another. Better it is like this now. That way you have more to contribute to your children's future. I stuck it out and have just about six more months to go. If i did it I know you can. All the best and keep the faith.

I am a working mom who works from home. I guess that actually makes me a work at home mom. Although, I am still a stay at home mom. It is kind of weird, but I rarely work, although today is an exception because I am backed up, when my daughter is home. Right now she is sitting at the kitchen table with me doing some crafts. For the most part, I only work at night. I try and do that, so I can spend as much time with her. I work as a freelance writer. Personally, I am lucky that I have found something tht doesn't require me to be on the phone with someone half of the day or something that really doesn't have a set scheule. Aside from trying to work from home, I really don't know what else I can suggest. To me, it sounds as if you are trying to make the best out of the situtation and that is really all that you can do.

I'm a stay-at-home mom now but I used to work full time for 3 months, I decided to quit because I want to take care of our baby who was only 6 months then. Now I just work part-time as a Real Estate Agent, on days that I go out I can't help but miss my baby but I need some time for myself too and I can do it when I'm out with a client. It's really hard to leave the stay-at-home mom life especially when you like it, but try to understand your husband, now he's having a hard time taking care of your kids and studying but you'll get through it. Stop counting the days and you'll see that the 3 years is already over. Don't worry too much, your husband and kids love you. Take Care!

I think it's wonderful that you are doing this for your family. It sounds like this is only a temporary situation, albiet a loooong temporary situaton. so hang in there!

I'm not a mom, but I do work at home. I think what you're doing is great and will pay off in the longrun, not just financially but for your kids as well, though I can imagine it would be difficult to make such a change and have time with your kids taken away. My guess is that you husband and your kids will look back on this and be more thank thankful, and the effort will pay off. You should be proud of yourself. Just focus on how things will be in the future and try not to check the days off the calendar too much. I definitely think switching to daytime shifts would do wonders for the time you can spend with your family.

I worked from the time I was 16 to 2004. I am 31 now. I hurt my knee and unfortunately cant work. The small amount I get from comp sucks. cant touch my regular pay. I love being home with the kids. the only thing I dont like is that the longer I am home and not working, there is no security for me. I am a step mom to two kids, and I have two of my own. IF i were to ever get divorced, what would I do? I would have to try to get a job to keep my kids. I definately dont like loosing my security that I once I had.

It is said that children growin with stay-at-home gets more love and less responsible..and others ie workin moms get more independent and responsible..this is just a rough case..ultimately it all depends on the mother..

yeah i know my aunt who was in this situaltion.. as far as you are doing this for your family.. its perfectly ok..

Each mum has to work out what is best for her family. I support both types as long as the kids do not suffer.

i havent been a mom yet, but i always dream to be a good mom for my child and a good wife to my husband even i am a working woman.although just by thinking it,i have thought that it will be difficult to make it balance.. well..i think if the conditions of your family need you to have more money, it doesnt matter if you work hard..but if not, why dont u try to find another job which can give u personality time?i agree if woman become a working woman,but taking care of child and husband is more important for woman..we cannot forget that..i just can hope that u can face this..your problem has given me input before marrying

IT DEPENDS ON THE WOMEN WHETHER TO WORK OR NOT AND YET WORKING ITS TOTALLY HER TECHNIQUES HOW TO HANDLE HIS HOUSE AND CHILDRENS. SO I MUST SAY THAT WOMEN WHO ARE WORKING CAN PRODUCE BETTER YOUTH/GENERATION.

I forgot with my last discussion to tell you somthing. Just focus on love of your family and don't give up!! Trust me I have felt very frustrated for long periods of time, and exausted you will find a way to make it work!

I can not say that I have exactly been in this situation, but I can say that I feel for you and understand. I was a working mom and now I am a stay at home mom. I know what you mean, missing being involved in all of the daily doings at home. Just remember everyday that you get up and go to work, and come back home, you are just one more day closer to being able to stay at home again. It will all be worth it in the end. You know this deep inside. Every morning before you leave for work, sneak a peek at those babies and your husband, you'll have an easier time making it through the day. Now you are another day down. Good Luck keep your chin up your still the mom.

I'm a SAHM and though I haven't had to deal with the work thing yet.. I'm pretty sure it's going to come up sometime for us. I don't have any advice, but your post almost made me cry (yay for postpardum hormones!) because I know I'd feel the same way.

I think this is just temporary as what you said. Of course I will give my time for the benefit of my kids even it will suffer my wants and interest.

I'm a working my too, like you i'm having problems with time. I do not have enough time for work and for my son/family. I don't think you can serve two masters at the same time, if you know what I mean, so my answer is that ou have to give up one.So in my case, i chose my son. i quit my job and choose to stay at home.Now Ii just do a little bit work at home's like this. i'm happy with my decision.

its a matter of proper time management. in today's world and pace, it is imperative for women to be in the workforce to make both ends meet. i suggest that u dont feel guilty about anything. just do what you're supposed to do, that is, earn mmoney then exert effort also to spend quality time with your kids, meaning, the time u spend with them may not be that long compared to before but try to make it as substantial as you can. i know thats easier said than done, its not easy to become a working mom especially if in your heart u also want to stay at home and be ur kids but as they say, "nothing is impossible"..."if there's a will, there's a way.." and as what the NIKE commercial always say -- "JUST DO IT!"

I have been on both sides of the fence working and staying at home but I have to tell you with 4 kids and a husband I am a more balanced person staying at home I dont feel as rushed. I was working and the kids were getting sick I had to call off ,doctors appointments etc. I was pretty much forced to stay at home and i tell you if you dont have subsidized daycare today you can almost bet you will be forced to stay at home too.unless hubby has alot of $$$$$$$$$$.

life must be very challenging for those who work as well as take care of their children. it is painful as u r not close to ur children whom u love the most.