Really worried about my friend.
By BittyBiddy
@BittyBiddy (2903)
Ireland
January 10, 2007 6:16pm CST
A friend of mine phoned me this evening, very upset on the phone. She's separated from her husband (4 years separated), she had a 13 year old son living with her and he was giving her an awful time, misbehaving and getting poor grades in school. (I met him once and he was a right cheeky pup).
Anyway, I think my friend has a bit of a drink problem, but I'm only guessing. She seems to drink a bottle of wine every night and then binges at the weekends. She's working in the evenings and trying to do a full time course during the day. She's finding the course difficult because there's a lot of computer related stuff in it and she has never even looked at a pc before. She's 40 and has always worked in fashion retail.
Anyway, last week, apparantly, her husband got wind of her son's school report and decided he was taking the boy to live with him. So my friend, now on her own, is feeling miserable.
After her phone call I called down to see her to make sure she was ok, and I'm really worried about her. She had been drinking and was extremely upset. She says the computer parts of the course are getting her down. She misses her son. She feels she's getting old, is worried about her health and was still stressing over things that happened at Christmas.
I stayed with her for a while and advised her to see her doctor and to speak to her course tutor about maybe not doing the non-mandatory subjects in the course. When I left I saw her going back into the house and starting to cry again.
I don't know what else I can do. I'm worried about her but I can't afford to get too involved as, naturally, I have my own family to look after/worry about. Is there any other advice I should have given her? Or anything I should have done?
11 people like this
44 responses
@maru_047in (1007)
• India
11 Jan 07
Ya it is pretty upset listening to the story there is very little that u can do it to her by telling some advice and good things and calming her down and see that she spends her time out with her friends and if she does that and tells her sorrow to their friends then they can give more suggestion than i do cause her friends know much better than v do. and tell her to speak with the parents and relatives of her husband and see that if the problem can b solved by them atleast.
@faustinodioso (155)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Relationship to your friend does'nt affect your family is good,Worrying to much to a friend is not right,you give her the best assistance,but if she did'nt change its up to her,she will be the one who will affected and her son will grow up never feel the love and care.You are not involve for what ever happen,try to change your environment because it will stress you out.
2 people like this
@innechen (1318)
• Indonesia
11 Jan 07
as a friend there's not so much we can do, becoz the only one who can help is her self.as a friend we can only advice her,encourage her,support her, but everything is up to her.she has to be brave to face all the problem and look at the good side.her son behaviour is not good then maybe it'll be better to let him stay with his dad, hopefully his dad can manage to give a good education etc to him.and she can look for other course place that suitable for her better then being stress and let her self trapped in her stress. every problem always have a solution if we can think in clear head which is she has to stop drinking, coz drinking cant solve anything.take her to see a doctor.going with friend can be a good help for her.
2 people like this
@Willowlady (10658)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Does your country have groups she could join for support at her time of need. They could help here since they are in similar situations. Some of them could help her with the computer stuff. I am forty and learning this computer thing as I go. Not sure what else to do, since I would invest my time and possible enlist my family to adopt her to get her through this tough time. It could work! I hope your friend collects herself and gets through this to success!
2 people like this
@ilunice (946)
• Netherlands
11 Jan 07
This is a very pathetic situation. Since she is your friend, I guess you should know the best way to help her out of the problem. This could actually be the time you can proof the worth of your friendship with her. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Have a nice day.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Your friend sounds as if she is very depressed. Her drinking is also not helping with this problem. She may not view her son's moving in with his father as a good thing, but this will allow her to focus on her problems. She needs to seek help. Counseling will help her to sort out what is going on. It is good that she has you to fall back on, but it can be overwhelming to you too. Draw boundries and let her know that she needs to help herself too. Huggers to you BB.
1 person likes this
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
11 Jan 07
By reading this whole thing all I can say is im sorry to hear such a thing like that happen to someone. I think that you have did all you can do and in time I pray that everything turns out right for your friend. It hard to help someone in that type of perdicament and I give you the upmost respect for pulling through as a friend like that!
1 person likes this
@roadromeo (376)
• India
11 Jan 07
Okay, now we have some serious stuff here!!!Welly BittyBiddy, obviously you have your own family to worry and to live with but then what you can do is to watch over her at least sometime of the day if she really is one of your best friends and you really want to see her happy. Now, firstly you need to make her stop drinking and make her understand that she should cope with her drinking habits....and then if you could you can talk to her son and make him understand that he really is giving hard time to her mother and that time is not far when he will lose her forever in his life. Also give some more emotional touch to your discussion with him and I am sure that he will understand. Lastly if you again could you can help her out in the computer course problem and also tell her that it is the most simplest thing to understand ever and is as easy as learning simple alphabets!! I know this is tuff but I am also sure that you will make it!!!lol
@gbetpangan (163)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
dont get too involved. your friend is old enough to know what to do. first and foremost, she should put an end to her drinking habit. i think everything that has happened in her life tragically has something to do with her drinking. let her reach her rock-bottom so she'd realize what she has lost.
1 person likes this
@jaykay_123 (41)
• India
11 Jan 07
hmm.well i think u just should have told her to get a hold on herself.if the course was so tough why should she bother.tell her to discontinue tht and try something suitable for her and about her husband taking the son away i dont think there is any wrong or anything upset to be about it.he got equal rights as u and he is taking him away forthe sons benefit also.just think of that.maybe theres a chance he will improve under his father.better than getting rotten with ur friend.anyways a son needs some one he should be afraid of.he is not the least bothered about his mom.so better he stays with his father.anyways he will come back to her also.just tell her that and tell her to stop boozing off.it will create bad impressions on her kid.if it was me i would hav slapped her.
1 person likes this
@SisterLove (304)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Dear BittyBiddy
Its good to know that you are concern for your friend. There is so little you can physcially do in this time due to the fact that your friend is the one to make the change. This is how this goes down and I;ve noticed for years by observing people. We want to be there for our friend and when we see that we cant make a difference we get discourgaed and tend to back away from our friend. But bittybiddy only if you knew how much you are doing listen to your friend when she talks even if your thinking what do I tell her she just needs a ear, play your part to your friend and dont feel guilty your doing a great job. Mention activities she can do such as take her son for dinner call him daily, suggest for her to attend church for her to take days and pamper herself. You must realize your friend is depress and depression can turn into other serious matters, your cant be superwoman you do have your own life but just be that ear she needs someone to listen to her. We all do good luck and your a great friend dont give up.
1 person likes this
@kanchrajesh (2)
• India
11 Jan 07
I think you were right about the way you handled her..You know shes hurt..Shes lost her son to her ex and thats really hurting..May be you can try talking to her again..and nothing is lost for her..She has to pick up herself and do something if she wants her son back..First tell her to pursue in something that she likes rather her interests for sometime..sso this may help her to get her confidence backk..THis is goin to be really tough ..and as u said u have family its going to be tougher for u..U know when one is in such a state how much ever u advise or tell them they get more down..So may be when time allows u take her out...u know somewhere where she can get fresh air..and talk to her ..give her the confidence that u will be there for her..Doesnt mean that u have to literally do that by being in person with her..but when u say that it will make hr feel better.Tell all the good things about her , her talents..ask her to pray to god...GOd will show her the right pat...I will also pray for her cos i know the pain of living alone ,separated..its really discouraging..but nowadays everything is possible...And ur a very good person to help her...dont leave her alone she needs ur support and guidance.May god bless u!! and her
1 person likes this
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I think you did a good job. It is really hard to watch someone you care about in so much distress. I can only imagine the emotions that must come along with having a child go down the wrong path. I would pray for her and give her all the support that I could. Hope everything works out for the best.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
11 Jan 07
i think your friend should go to a psychologist or councellor so that she can throw out her feelings and the psycholog or councellor can give her an advice of what she has to do... other than that, she got to have a determination and will power to move forward to sucess... other than that, you can only be there as much as you can for her... the rest is really up to her because it is her life...
1 person likes this
@vpupadhyay (44)
• India
11 Jan 07
see dear first of all u have to tell her that u r the true well fisher of her and u have to tell her that what is necessary for her at this time.se there no problem which do not have the solution.so u don't worry if there is problem than there is a solotuion and u have to tell her with best of your knowledge. i think that don't get confused and manage the situation with col mind and surely u will get the solution.
@emilar (16)
• United States
11 Jan 07
How about the video professor. He's always got a special. As for the son, let the husband try his hand at him. the first time he doesn't get his way, he'll be running home to mama. I've been seperated a little over a year and drinking is just a temporary escape and just another pain in the rump to get rid of.
thevideo-professor.com
TechTutorVideo.com
@aryaman (245)
• India
11 Jan 07
The first solution that i can think of is spending time with ur friend, but as u said its difficult for u as u have ur own family too. I think u should help her engage in some activity where her attention is diverted. It can be anything asking her to pursue her hobbies or reading. That would help her divert attention from the problem. Regarding the computer stuff, i think the best solution would be to keep her telling how easy it is to learn computer stuff. Because wht i can think of is that its just she is having this mental block that as she has never used computer she cannot learn it.
