Orientation Assumptions

There has been only once that I was bothered by that; but that is mostly because I don't really identify myself as a lesbian as my primary self. My primary self is a human being and that is just one facet of it. I am what was formerly known as a "lipstick" lesbian and my S/O is the "butch" one of us. So in the public, IF anyone notices, it is very obivous we are a couple; however we do nothing to draw attention to ourselves either. Several years ago during the holidays we were in the mall and in two different stores. I was in the sports logo part of Penny's shopping, had gotten everything I needed, and was in the checkout behind two very "obvious" lesbians who were just having a fun time shopping. They appeared to be in the mid-30 range, were not being disrespectful or impolite; but as the things they had bought were being rung up were being totally ignored by the 40-50ish female cashier. One of the women attempted to hand the cashier her credit card and was told to place it on the counter, where it was then picked up. She lay it back on the counter again after processing it; and also refused to hand the bags (and those women had spent quite a bit of money and had several bags) to the women, but just shoved them toward them, and nodded them away with a look of total hatred and disgust as they left. It was then my turn to approach her register, my arms laden with expensive shirts, a jacket, a down vest, and a pair of leather high tops. I put all of these on the counter and as she started rining each item up she was smiling very sweetly at me and hoping that I was having a wonderful holiday. At that point, I moved in and asked her about the two women that were in line in front of me. She could not wait to tell me her opinion of "that kind" of people and went on a verbal diatribe; which of course, I allowed her to do. When she finished talking, my order had been completely rung up and she was waiting for me to hand her my payment. I had my Penny's card in my hand when I told her, "I AM ONE OF THAT KIND", and since you could not stand to be touched by them without them first putting their card on the counter; and I have no intention of putting mine on the counter, I suggest you call your manager because we have a little problem here it seems." I let her wiggle and squirm for a few minutes trying to get out of calling her manager; but in the long run, just left my clothing on the counter and suggested that from now on she put on that fake smile to every one of her customers because she never knew what the customer behind them might have to say. I have stated many times on MyLot that I do not drink and I don't. But before I became disabled I did love to dance. This incident happened on a Saturday afternoon. That evening we went to a local gay bar and the same two women were sitting at a table near ours. I excused myself and went over to talk to them and told them the ending of their Penny's shopping experience. They got quite a laugh out of what had been a very humiliating time for them. ~Donna

Hello. As a nurse of 25+ years I can say that old habits die hard! When I first graduated nursing school, it seems that being 'out of the closet' wasn't as common or something. Yes, heterosexuality was assumed, and we were taught in school to always be kind to families. For instance, when a patient was admitted, say a female, we were taught to say, "Can I call your husband for you?" Times have changed and it is now considered politically incorrect to make those assumptions. And, in my opinion, not just politically incorrect, just plain incorrect!!! I am trying very hard (but old habits die hard!) to remember to say, "Who can I call for you?" when an upset, crying patient is before me. (leaving gender totally out of the statement) I am trying to remember to use the term 'significant other' when I am admitting and am trying to fill out papers that will later dictate to whom emergency calls and inquieries might be directed. When teaching fresh, new, young nurses, I am careful to always use the term 'signficant other' when I teach the importance of caring for the family as much as you care for the patient. So, there is my perspective on your question. You now have the opinion of a 50-year-old, (old as dirt according to my teenage children!) nurse!

Only if I have corrected them once already.Otherwise no, if they're just straight themselves and unaware, I have no problems saying "hey,nope, it's like this."

I'm out of the closet with my friends and at work. But I'm not sure I'm "very" out. I don't have a rainbow tattoo on me anywhere and I suppose they tell me at work the only thing I could do to be more out, would be to wear flannel everyday. Since I'm often told there is no way that I could pass for straight, I kind of just laugh when I do. It's kind of cool being able to seem both ways and useful too sometimes. It kind of catches people off guard if they tell me they don't know any lesbians, and I'm like, "Umm, hello?" And they are shocked. And you gotta love the face you get when people ask about your boyfriend, and you tell them that your girlfriend is doing great.

I can't say that I am "obviously" of the closet. I don't have a butch appearance or wear gay jewelry, so it's not obvious that I am gay. I would say that I probably have a typical "het" appearance. But it does bother me that I am perceived as heterosexual - for several reasons. 1) I want other gay people in this small town to recognize me. There are very few "obviously" gay people here and I would like this to change. We need to be seen and supported by one another. 2) It would be nice to have some gay friends who are couples and in our age group. There are a few young people (16-21) who make it obvious they are gay, but the older gay folks are deeply in the closet. 3) I want the people in this bible-belt community to see that many of us "het-looking" "housewife-types" are lesbians and we are no danger to them. We have been living next door to them for years.

What is this??

Most of the gays that I know are out and flamboyantly out at that. Here in Palm Springs, Ca the gay lifestyle is alive well and way way out. In fact the mayor of Palm Springs is both black and gay. Very few of the homosexual people that I know get mistaken fof straight men or women. It just seems to never ever happen. But heteros do get upset when people assume that they are gay! Why is that?

Only if I have corrected them once already.Otherwise no, if they're just straight themselves and unaware, I have no problems saying "hey,nope, it's like this."

I actually don't get upset when people assume I'm heterosexual. It happens so often that it just doesn't surprise me or upset me anymore. I had an ex-girlfriend that it used to frustrate, so she got her hair cut to look more 'dykey' but it still happened *laughs* I look at it from the perspective that I generally assume most people are heterosexual, why shouldn't other people assume I'm straight also. I'm completely out, and everyone I know including family, friends and workmates know that I'm gay. They are like my 'team out' and let anyone know I'm gay if they make an assumption about my sexuality. And I have absolutely no issue in setting people right about my sexuality. I normally just introduce my girlfriend as my girlfriend, walk in somewhere holding my girlfriends hand or mention my partner is 'insert girls name here.' Gone are the days of non-gender specific pronouns. I'm completely confident with who I am and if people don't like it then too bad. And that goes for all things that make me who I am. Sexuality, looks, personality or the color of my eyes...

I am a straight guy, but if I was heterosexual, I would have to have confidence it what I am or want to be.

I am Straight. I don't see why it would be insulting that people may think you are straight. Most people are, therefore a good guess would be that most people you run into are straight too. I do agree that it would get anooying and if thatw as your question then disregard everything i just said. But if you meant insulting, then please answer my question of why.

This is actually a very interesting point and i for one have never really thought about before. I am very interested to know. I have alot of lesbian and gay frineds in my life. To tell you the truth i love to hang around with them alot. There is nothing wrong with this it is their choice and what they decide is up to them!

Well... I can see why people shouldn't make assumptions about the personal lives of others. But, heterosexuality is the "norm" and I think that unless it's really obvious that a person is gay it's only natural to assume that they're straight. There are situations where you are forced into making assumptions because some people would be offended if you asked them if they are gay or straight.