Angry
By eyeswideshut
@eyeswideshut (108)
United States
January 12, 2007 12:25am CST
I was born overweight. I have never known what it was like to be thin. I love to walk, hike, hunt, fish, camp and I know how to work. Just this morning I was outside with my husband splitting wood while he cut it with the chain saw. Not many people can swing an 8 pound splitting mall for any length of time. I have always been able to out-walk and outwork my friends, co workers and my husband; however, I have never been thin. I have a treadmill that I walk on 3 times a day because of a leg I hurt a while back. The walking keeps it from swelling up and keeps the circulation going, but the treadmill is such a bore, so often I will take my walking outside. This is where I get angry...
I live in a community filled with fitness fanatics. They run, walk, ride bike and often I will meet them on the street. I can guarantee to hear "It's so great to see you out and about!" "I think it's great your out and getting some exercise." "How have you been feeling since you started walking?" I am overweight, not an invalid.
Then there is the mean comments, the ones from the juvenile low-lifers that just have to comment, "No amount of walking will help you" "Go home and eat your potato chips, your couch is getting cold" And my personal favorite, "I thought I felt a tremor, but it was just you walking."
Advice about getting out there and getting exercise is thrown around like confetti, but when an overweight person actually takes the initiative and takes that advice, they are questioned, teased and chased back into their sedentary life. Forget swimming at the health center, or going to the gym. If your fat, you are frowned upon. Noses are wrinkled in your direction. Only the brave will stay and try to hide in the back trying not to be noticed.
One of my favorite past times is dancing. Since I was a teenager I would wait until the house was empty, then turn up my music and dance until I was sweaty and too weak to dance anymore. More recently, I've taken up belly dancing. I love it. Beautiful, graceful and HARD. But try to tell anyone that, and it's wrinkled noses all over again. Like I am committing some kind of crime enjoying exercise that is fun, includes coin belts and GASP dare I say, shows your BELLY!? How dare I!
Needless to say, this bit of enjoyment I have kept to myself. I have terrible self esteem and I rarely open myself for criticism.
So, my question is, why? Why does a fat person have to hide until they are thin enough to go out and exercise in public? Why do we have to be stuck on treadmills, doing crunches on the living room carpet and watch the same aerobic video over and over when the sun, fresh air and conversation that makes exercise fun is out there? No wonder it is so hard for most people to keep on track. No one likes to be doing the same thing day in/out, but no one likes to be made fun of either.
6 people like this
37 responses
@Crystalwatson345 (441)
• United States
12 Jan 07
well I used to be 140 pounds I got to 205 and now I am 190 my question to you is why do you care about what others think?
If you havent learned this already the world is a cold place and it isnt a place understanding for the most part, if you want to lose weight you need to do whatever it takes and turn those sneers and comments into postive reinforcements by knowing that you will be a thin person someday if you let them these people that are being ugly to you are the ones coming out the winners because you are allowing them to. I hope you dont think I am being rude just try to be helpful and I never helped anyone by lieing to them so I tell you the honest truth about the matter. I would like to hear back from you.
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I don't think your being rude at all. I put the subject out there to be thought about. My point is that everyone is different, after years of living like I do, I am still a big person. I'm still getting out there and still doing my thing for the most part. (The belly dancing I am pretty secretive about) But I am speaking for a group of people as a whole. Really, It's hard enough going out and getting motivated without the constant prodding from both ends of the spectrum. And, It's easy to tell someone to ignore, even easy to ignore criticism when it comes once in a while. But when you are talking about someone who is no stranger to it, and has lived with it only to have to continue to try to ignore it until they are socially acceptable, well, that just sucks. Speaking from experience, it makes you see thin as an example of mean if that makes any sense at all. And no one deserves to be shamed for trying to better themselves. I agree that society is cold and heartless for the most part, but to say there is nothing a person can do about it is wrong. Writing this thread may just open a few eyes. And it just takes a different perspective to change the world in even the smallest way. This is mine.
2 people like this
@Crystalwatson345 (441)
• United States
12 Jan 07
well I didnt say to ignore anything I was saying turn it into a postive thing for when these comments leave other mouths they are neg. but when these commets reach your ears and mind and heart turn it postive and I know you. and I believe you maybe be workout but maybe your weight trouble come from what you eat. I know that my problem. and yes you can do something about the coldness in this world be a good person and try to get others to do the same but other then that you cant make people stop acting the way they do. what kind of diet do you follow as far as eating? and how much to you workout?
1 person likes this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I see what your saying about turning it around. I'm not trying to be stubborn. We live in the country which is really nice as far as choosing your food. We grow vegetables, and I can and freeze a lot. We hunt and always have venison which is very lean no matter how you prepare it. Like I said before, I'm very active. We cut our own firewood. I have a treadmill that I walk on 3 times a day, we hunt and take long walks or hike. I usually walk or ride my bike to where I need to go unless I have to take all my kids. Then we drive it the weather is bad. I don't have a hard-core regimen. I eat very little if at all until supper time, and then we have a standard meal of meat and potatoes. My doctor has told me that I need to eat smaller portions more times a day which is a fault of mine. He is also a believer that obesity is inherited for some, and I do come from a family of very big people on my dad's side which my doctor is also aware of. I love chocolate, but eat it only once a week if that. I'm not a horrible binge eater and we don't keep snacks and candy around. If we are in the mood for something sweet, I will usually bake a pie or a cake. Having to make it yourself really curbs having it around as well.
2 people like this
@jbones32103 (717)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Try to stay foccused on what you need to do in order to feel better about yourself instead of what other people are saying. What you want is more important. Go outside,and let them know how wonderful you are to take care of yourself.
2 people like this
@Honeybuttz (256)
• Philippines
13 Jan 07
I definitely agree!
Though it is hard because there are critical eyes around us all the time. As long as you know what you are doing is right, don't mind the snide commentators.
1 person likes this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I agree. It's hard, but I guess the only advise is to just keep plugging away.
1 person likes this
@kcbabez14 (967)
• United States
12 Jan 07
well hun, muscle does weigh more than fat.. maybe you have lots of muscle under the thickness escpecialy if you can split wood the old fashion way! lol, have you tried finding a diet that suits you and an exersice program? You don't have to hide..if you get in with a gym there are alot of heavy people there.. To tell you the truth i'm think but not overly overweight and i go to Fitness USA and i see alot of overweight people bigger than me and i feel unconfrotable.. but in a way it's a good thing because they probaly feel the same way but then yet again there are people there only to lose that weight and not to judge others.. I say exersice, exersice (sorry i'm probalay spelling it wrong) and don't give up..
2 people like this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
To be honest, as busy as we are over here, it is hard to have a structured exercise regimen. I have 3 kids, go to school, homeschool my son, my husband works full time and is trying to start a business, and we keep things going here with heating the house, keeping meat on the table and what not. In the summer its the yard and garden, in the fall we are out picking fruit and canning, and the winter is deer hunting, butcher time and getting in firewood. I dance while I clean, do my tredmill, walk a lot. I'm not really frusterated with the amount of work I do as opposed to how muych weight I've lost. My issue is with big people in general getting treated badly for even trying.
1 person likes this
@Nrealitydenial (46)
• United States
13 Jan 07
You post really encouraged and inspired me. Thank you! I've been overweight since I was around 5 years old and it's been hard on my self esteem and self confidence for the past almost 30 years since then. I still struggle with feeling insecure in public as if everyone is judging me. I have become a bit of a hermit this past year watching my niece and getting less and less comfortable in public places. I don't go out unless I have to lately but I'm working on my confidence and self esteem. Sometimes I actually enjoy being in public now but I've cared too long what I "think" other people think of me even if they don't say it.
Thanks again!
2 people like this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Don't be a hermit. Life is too short. There are some people I meet online I would love to hang out with. It's a shame everyone cool can't live in Wisconsin :) Find yourself a walking partner. I love to walk and chat.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Wow. You have posted such an insightful look into what it is like to be overweight and how society can make us feel. I too have been overweight since I was a toddler. Only in the last couple years have I lost enough not to be almost grossly overweight, but I am still bigger than I would like to be. I personally don't mind walking on my family's treadmill and have never thought to exercise in public simply because I am shy, but your post made me greatful that I hadn't tried. It is sad that people would look down on you or cause you to retreat just because you are actualy getting out there and doing some exercise. I say kudos to you for this entire post. It would be good if more people read it and gave some thought into how they treat those of us who have trouble staying as rail thin as society seems to dictate that we should all be nowadays.
2 people like this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
My point is that obesity is considered acceptable predjudice. Make fun of a race, creed or color and your a biggot, make fun of a fat person and its considered satire. My aim was not to make you want to hide. It is so much more enjoyable to go outside and get exercise. I was simply trying to explain how it felt to be fat and treated like a fat person.
1 person likes this
@Riptide (2756)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I totally know where you're coming from and agree with you. I think people are very cruel and treat overweight people like some kind of disease. On one hand you get told to lose weight and on the other hand when you try you get laughed at. No matter what you do,someone will always laugh. I have gotten the attitude know where I just think, if the way I look offends you, don't look at me.
But I know you are trying to open the eyes of some ignorant people out there, trying to make them realize that the way they behave towards overweight people is wrong and they need to think before they speak. Gerat topic I think and something that needed to be said :)
2 people like this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Thank you! I know I've opened up a can of worms here, but sometimes it's a good thing. Thanks for the support :)
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I know how you feel, although I have never had people to be as rude as you describe. People are just vain and judgemental I guess. You just keep right on doing what you love. I think it is great!
2 people like this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
12 Jan 07
People are very insensitive to other people nowadays. They lack the ability to imagine what life is like from other people's points of view. In any case, just do what makes you happy and ignore the ignorant.
2 people like this
@nobodyspecial (1011)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Well...I am going to chime in with a news flash! Belly dancers aren't thin! Matter of fact, REAL belly dancers are girls with some meat on those bones! It's not about body shape nor having the lowest BMI, belly dancing is about muscle control! How many of those thin girls do you think can move just one muscle in their abs? I used to do belly dancing years ago...admitted I wasn't heavy at the time...but then I only stood 4 foot 11 inches too! DARNED RIGHT it's hard work!
Sadly the people who mean well, often come across as being condescending when they say how happy they are to see a heavy person out walking or doing things...those who have cruel things to say are only trying to build up their own self esteem at the expense of another...such self esteem building never works...pity them because they are worse off than you.
If you outwork, outplay, out dance everyone else who appears to be 'in good shape' then you aren't over weight...you are the perfect weight for you.
It's easier said than done but...self esteem should never be based on what others think or say...it is your own accomplishments and abilities that count...
2 people like this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I think it is so cool that you can be out chopping wood with your husband. I would suggest that you do whatever you want to loose weight. Whatever it is, indoors or out. Ignore others who are insulting. They do not know the real you or what your life is about.
By doing the things you want to do to make yourself happy, you will create self-esteem. Figure out some kind of plan to exercise or change your diet. Then you must stick to it.
I am not obese myself, but I do need to loose 20 to 30 pounds. I find that walking is helping me. Maybe your husband could join you in some sort of activity.
If these people are getting to you, it is because you allow it. No one has the power to upset you or offend you. That is one reason for your low self-esteem. Create a vision of how you would like to look. Keep that image in your mind as much as you can. Then do what you feel like doing to help that image become real.
As you work toward becoming that person you want to be, your self image will improve. Think and feel like the kind of person you want to be. What others say or think is of no use to you unless they offer positive support. So many things in life are mental and that means changing your thinking of how you view yourself.
2 people like this
@embattledsparkle (1072)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Wow. I've wondered the same thing myself. People get onto fat people to lose weight, but then when we actually get out there to do it, people give funny looks or say rude things. It's easy for people who have never been fat to say "It's your choice to be fat." Yeah right...just like I chose to be born with blond hair and blue eyes. :oP Unless people have been there, they just don't get it. Sometimes I want to stand up and say "Yes I'm fat. No I don't sit around stuffing my mouth with candy all day. I'm just like you, just more to love."
I really admire you for belly dancing. That's on my list of things I want to do in my lifetime. Funny... I never thought about doing it when I'm overweight before I read your post. I think I'll look into it.
Rude comments hurt and it's hard to ignore them. Heck a rude comment that was said to me at around 13 years old still haunts me once in a while to this day. I like the idea someone had of having an IPOD or headphones. Just smile brillantly at everyone and ignore their looks & comments.
I'm glad I read this post because that is how I've been feeling lately. I don't only want to exercise in my home, I want to be out there doing it. The heck with everyone else. I really need to invest in some headphones. :)
2 people like this
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I know exactly what you mean. All my life I've been overweight as well. And people are quite rule. I just had a baby a few months back, and I still have a lot of baby fat to shed, and so many people that I meet say, "you should go walking, it will help you lose all that weight." I didn't ask for your advise, or for your opinion. I think people need to mind their own business.
@RAWOZNICA (58)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Yes its true, insensitive people just plain stinck!! Unfortunatly they are all around and there is not a whole lot we can do about it. I like to hold on to a little thing called Karma. What goes around comes around and one day those people that are hurting your feelings are going to get their feelings hurt as well.
Also the good thing is not all people are like this. I myself would never tease anyone for being large. I am underweight but alot of my friends and family are considered overweight, whatever the heck that means since everyone is different. I know how they feel about the issue and all I can say is that everyone has something about them that is beautiful. Those that tease you sound like they have pretty features on the outside but have ugly emotions on the inside, forget those people, they are not worth you getting hurt over. Especially if you dont even know who they are!!!
2 people like this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Karma. I used to have a very official looking ticket, like one you would get on your car if your double parked, that was from the Karma police. You could fill it out and check off various offenses...hilarious.
1 person likes this
@a_child_of_god (9)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I know how you feel because I am overweight aswell. I wasn't born overweight and I was thin as a child but when I reached the age of 7 I think that's when I started to put it on. I've tried a lot of times to take it off and it hasn't happended. I'm really depressed and I'm to the point of I don't think it'll happen. I dream of having a thin body and being healthy. I'm sick of not being able to fit into my jeans. I walk I eat right. I excercise but yet it feels like I'm not doing anything. People think that overweight people are gross when we show our bellies. They don't know what we are going through. My husband loves me for me and I'm grateful for it but I owe it to myself to take it off.
2 people like this
@seenoreen (559)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
People nowadays are so superficial. If you can do it, don't let their comments get through you. I'm also fat and I really don't struggle to get thin. I'm ok with how I look and if somebody criticizes me, then it's their opinion .
2 people like this
@briennekb (610)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I'm sure people tell you to ignore other peoples rude comments, but I know that that is almost impossible to do. Words shouldn't hurt us but the fact is that they do. Emotional pain can be just as,if not more, paintful than physical pain. Over the past few years my weight has increasingly gained. I was 120 just s few short years ago, and now I am about 165. And my weight is sure to increase. I am not over weight to the point that people make fun of me. Yet. But I do know how weight gain affects your self esteem. My problem is not teasing, but I see skinny girls and I want to be like them. Which doesn't motivate me, it just makes me feel worse about myself. Which in turns makes my life more and more sedentary. So, just know that you are not alone. We have very similar yet different fights we battle.
Oh, and I have also tried belly dancing. And it is hard! You defintely get a work out from it. It's very hard to get your hips moving correctly. But it is definitely a beautiful dance. I also liek salsa dancing. I'm not very good at it, but I enjoy it. I would really like to learn to Tango!
Anyways, back to the subject. I know this is easier said than done, but ignore others as much as you can and keep doing what makes you happy. That's all that truly matters.
1 person likes this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Yeah! I was totally not trying to whine and complain, which is what I get from most people when I bring up this subject. I'm trying to make people aware that it's just as demeaning to a fat person to be picked on as it is for a purple person to be picked on for being purple. It seems like you and I are on the same wave length completly which is really nice. Kindred spirits are hard to find. As for the dancing...It rules. Any dancing, ballroom, jazz, belly I love it all. My hubby has two very very left feet...so I'm on my own as far as a dance partner goes. :(
1 person likes this
@mom2chriskel (1060)
• United States
12 Jan 07
People are rude! It is always people who have no clue what they are talking about. Some of those skinny people are SO unhealthy. Keep up the working out. I've heard belly dancing is a good workout and HARD!
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I started having trouble with my weight at the beginning of puberty. Before that I was healthy, not skinny, but healthy. After that though I have struggled with my weight. I might lose it for awhile but it slowly comes back no matter what I do. Now that I'm also partially disabled due to injuries it makes it even harder to exercise to take off the weight.
I've had my share of cruel, insensitive jerks in this world. I know how horrible they can be and how low it can make one feel to have them share their cutting words with us. I don't know why they have to do this, the only thing I can think of is it makes them feel better about themselves. If they pick on us maybe no one will notice their inadequacies. The worst part is even if you lost all the weight they would want you to they would find something else to make comments on. They are that kind of person. They need someone to lash out at. Kids can be far crueler then adults but most of the time they have learned that it is acceptable to do such things from their parents. They hear them do it so figure they can as well.
All I can suggest is hang in there, do what you want and you know when they say something like that to you just shoot them a small smile and a glare, make them wonder what you might do. Then just say "have a good day" they will worry and sometimes not doing anything at all can be more effective.
1 person likes this
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Yeah..I agree. I am the type that gets angry. I'll have to try the nod and smile thing.
@jussagirl (15)
• United States
12 Jan 07
REAL bellydancer are HEAVY..look at the history of bellydancing! Thanks to God!
I am now heavy, I used to have an eating disorder and was way too thin, now I have a bmi of 38...but still have curves, and energy!
I do NOT hide, (won't wear a thong to the beach anymore..but wont avoid the beach either.)
My solution to the comments at the gym was to simply ask a nasty commenter ( one who says so nice to see you trying to work out..snicker snicker) if he/she would PLEASE be my workout partner, I know my stamina is better than theirs, and I can out lift tham as well....even if I have to ask in a de-meaning manor, like I really admire your shape, do you think you could help in my work out routine...after a day or two, you have alot of respect from the same folks that dissed you!
Be proud, and don't hide
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 07
AMEN SISTER!!!! I have always been overweight myself. And the real pain in the butt is that my sisters are both tall and thin, while I am short (and actually shrinking by the day now) and according to the doctors morbidly obiese. My boyfriend only weighs 116lbs soaking wet, and here I am over 250. Now.. talk about an odd couple. Yet I was overweight when we met, he is constantly on me to lose weight, and no matter what I do, it's never good enough. Then to make matters worse, I'm constantly trying to cook food to PUT weight on him, and he hates it when I try to cook something differen't for me. He just wants me to eat like a bird or something thinking that that is going to fix the problem. I have 2 dogs that I walk 2 times a day. Actually, we run. My rat terrier doesn't walk, he runs everywhere he goes, and well, my doxi and I just have to keep up with him. If I come home from the doctors office and tell him that I have lost even 3lbs, he asks me where... in your big toe? Talk about a slap in the face. Sometimes, I think skinny people just suck!
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
13 Jan 07
Personally I'd get rid of the boyfriend, that would rid you of a 116lbs of worthless weight. If he's treating you like that he isn't worthy of you.
@eyeswideshut (108)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Your boyfriend seems to have some issues of his own. My husband is thin as well. He married me when I was fat and has never put me down for it. He encourages my health conscious attitude, but has never told me to lose weight. I may seriously consider reevaluating the relationship. :(
1 person likes this
