joke

12 husbands A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times. On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new groom, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin." This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon. She responded: My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!' My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation. My third husband was from Field Services and constantly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but he just couldn't get the system up. My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.' My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department and said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver. My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether it was his job. My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it. My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, 'I know I have the product. I'm just not sure how to position it.' My tenth husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. My eleventh husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. My twelfth husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was--God I miss him! So now I have married a lawyer, so I know I'm going to get screwed.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."