good joke
By bevanamit
@bevanamit (645)
India
January 12, 2007 6:42pm CST
one day at school, the topic of the day was, "What part
of your body goes to Heaven first?"
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher saw this and
thought to herself, 'Oh no! Johnny always says
something bad - I'll make sure he's the last one I call
on!' So, instead the teacher calls on Susie.
Susie says, "I think your brain goes to Heaven first
because you have to be smart to go to Heaven."
The teacher congratulated Susie, "That's very good,
Susie!" Then, the teacher calls on Mary.
Mary says, "I think your heart goes to Heaven first
because you have to love to go to Heaven."
The teacher congratulated Mary, "Very good, Mary!"
By this time, Johnny is waving his hand, "Oh, oh, oh!"
The teacher gets ready and says, "Okay, Johnny, it's
your turn."
Johnny gets up and says, "I think your feet go to
Heaven first."
The curious teacher asks, "Well, Johnny, that's very
good! But, why do you suppose your feet go to Heaven
first?"
"Well," replies little Johnny, "last night I walked into my
parent's room, and my mom had her feet in the air,
screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming, I'm coming!'"
~~~~~
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks
they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
"Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" asks the
teacher.
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by
yourself!"
~~~~~
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring
books.
Little Johnny came up to the teacher's desk and said,
"Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons."
"Little Johnny," Miss Francis said, "you mean, 'I don't
have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't
have any crayons. They don't have any crayons.' Do you
see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," Little Johnny said, "What happened to all
them crayons?"
1 person likes this
9 responses
@pabitra_g (44)
• India
20 Feb 07
orah Scholar
A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After
dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young
man.
The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink. "So what
are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what
will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's
accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful feb engagement ring, such as she
deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God
will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee.
The conversation proceeds like this, and ok each time the father questions,
the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"
The father answers, "He has no job 22 and no plans, but the good news
is he thinks I'm God."
************
Whatcha Got There?
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by
carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy,
whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says "What you gonna 105 do with that?"
The boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
The old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens
with chicken wire!"
@huanghaozi (1472)
• Egypt
19 Feb 07
Creation and Life Expectancy
God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 40 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 30 years."
And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was so.
God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."
And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.
Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."
And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.
And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
@jackf501 (853)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 07
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
4 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals,
so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons.
That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!
@pd_davies (149)
• India
29 Jan 07
Gifts
One day The Lord spoke to Aadam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said.
Aadam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new oragans for you, one is called a brain. It will allow
you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eave. oamThe other organ I have for you is called a paenis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and 2007 populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to feb give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
The Lord looked upon hum Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."
**
Small Compensation
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own 005 shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,”
he says. “I puked on 22 my shirt again. If the wife 21 finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”
“Not to worry,” says the ba07 rtender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her
someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”
So the drunk goes home and tells his ok wife feb jan about the guy who puked on him. She reaches
into his pocket and finds tjawo twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.
The drunk replies, “Oh, yea nh, he crapped in my pants, too.”
@hobohobo (678)
• Indonesia
13 Jan 07
Where is this bus going?
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
