Abuse
By andralas
@andralas (641)
United States
October 3, 2006 3:55pm CST
My husband hit me fo rthe first time in th 5 yrs we've been together..should I leave
17 responses
@chihouse (213)
• United States
4 Oct 06
I know lots of you will say that I'm wrong, but if he has nver hit you before, why did he do so now?? was there an arguement? I'm a woman and I have hit my boyfriends. it was usually because they said something out of the way to me that prompted me to act that way. though now I just give silent treatment, I refuse to let a person push me to disrespect them, and I don't want to be disrespected.
for a ye/no answer I'd need more info on the situation.
@chihouse (213)
• United States
5 Oct 06
oh I see, yes he was wrong , but I don't think you should leave just yet. guys are really weird like that. sometimes I feel we have to 'tip-toe' around them as not to hurt their ego. your husband is upset with himself. He couldn't afford to purchase the car for his family and needed your help, he doesn't have is license temporarily so either he drives without it or he has to wait on you. you may need to do some beyonce' " cater to you" to let him know that you aren't mad at him, you are not challenging his 'position' and that you still love him. at the same time you have to find a way ( you know how to get him to hear you without a fight) to let him know that neither of you should resort to physical violence to act out displeasure.. I don't know under what circumstance you got married but he doesn't get along with you sister he make think she's a trouble maker. I'll be praying for you two.
@andralas (641)
• United States
4 Oct 06
It was behind a car that we bought together....it's like I have to ask him anytime I get ready to go somewhere when I paid half on it and his license is also expired.Well I went to the store and my sister wanted to go along with me. I get her back home and he was their raiseing caine I told him its my car to and that he wouldnt have the car if it wasn't for me a he hit me..out of the blue
@minjohnson2 (120)
• United States
5 Oct 06
To dicuss the matter smoothly, is only saying "don't want to get him upset". Why ? Afraid he'll try this again ? If you have to walk on eggshells, you don't need to be in a relationship. It may work with counseling, only if both parties are willing to try and work at it, I personally can't see it, what made him mad in the first place ? I am only speaking on a victim's point of view, as I said before,"make your own decision. Amen
@DeenaD (2684)
• United States
4 Oct 06
I agree. For the sake of the child give him one more chance. But just one. You need to stand up to him firmly and tell him you WILL leave him IF he ever behaves like that to you again.
But then of course, you'll have to be true to your word - if it happens again, you will have to leave for real, because if you do not, he will know you are weak and confused and he will probably end up hitting you again knowing you won't do anything.
@michael666 (613)
• China
5 Oct 06
When you go to bed at night, place a sharp kitchen knife by the bed, when he asks why you did it tell him you're going to wait for him to fall asleep.
@Aali311 (6112)
• United States
4 Oct 06
It's not going to be that easy to just leave him after five years, but you should get him into some kind of counseling and if he doesn't want to just wait and see, make sure he knows it's not to happen again and if does then you need to leave, at least you gave him a chance to fix things or make them right. You can't be with someone who's going to abuse you, you deserve better.
@shi_2000_21 (2680)
• India
5 Oct 06
Do talk to your husband, before taking any drastic steps. tell him how much you love him.
@michael666 (613)
• China
5 Oct 06
Yes, tell him you love him by all means but you, under no circumstances, do you love that sort of behaviour - in fact he needs to be aware that his behaviour is despicable.
@imlex1 (116)
•
5 Oct 06
personally i would have to know that there was something drastic that made the 'hit'come about,,if it is totally out of character he should at least have an answer as to why this happened,,no good answer?....i would worry!!!! make somwe time together and discuss it,,you need to know as does he that his temper cannot flair up like this again,,i assume you have a child so this must be put to bed for his/her sake,,children ,under no circumstances need to think this behavior is normal and they do not need to be around violence within the family,,i hope you can sort this out.
@minjohnson2 (120)
• United States
5 Oct 06
Many have said, "leave for a few days" what will that accomplish ? He knows you came back, and thinking you always will. You are listening to a woman that has been there, done that. Many women are in their graves, because of abuse from a man. Sorry, to be so frank, but this is reality. If he hit you once, he'll hit you twice, believe that, because he got away with it before. You don't hit someone that you LOVE, or say you love, anyway. Actions speak louder that words. I have been in an abusive marriage, and I had to get out for my life. Only God saved me, and for that I'm grateful. I had to go through counseling for my peace of mind, because it affects you. So it's up to you in what you're going to do. We can give advice, but the last decision is up to you. Be Bless, I'll be praying.
@komal_swetha (821)
• India
5 Oct 06
I dont know what is the reason that he hit u. You are telling that he hit for the first in 5 years, so you should give time and sort out the things. If you tell the reason then Ic an tell exactly whether u have to leavev him or not.
@Lackingstyle (7509)
•
5 Oct 06
I would first say it's down to the situation, which I think I read above in a response you posted, however I'd say 'leave' on the basis to show him you're not prepared to put up with this kind of treatment, however that is more difficult when there is a child involved, you don’t want to disturb their routine/familiarity. I’d say firmly make sure where he stands with his actions and that lashing out in anger over something you said, despite how he feels is not acceptable.
I feel if you lay back and take it they're more likely to walk over you and do so again.
@mohit2006 (793)
• India
5 Oct 06
if this was the first time then i would say u not to leave him because sometime in distress can do what he never wants to stress can make any person go crazy. if he hits u again then there is something seriously wrong but for now u can sit and have a chat with and sort out the matter because relations should never break with a mere slap
@busymommy (260)
• United States
3 Oct 06
You need to leave at least for a day or two. He needs to know that you will not take that from him. If you stay you are saying its okay I forgive you. Which you may forgive but he needs to know he can't ever do that again. Definatly leave for now.
@befani (86)
• United States
5 Oct 06
Agree. Don't let him think that its okay.
My husband has anger issues. I get afraid of him. But when he gets upset about something, I leave and let him cool down. This way I can avoid anything that might happen and we won't say things that we don't mean to each other.
A man should NEVER hit a woman.
Its probably best just to leave for now. It hurts and makes you feel lost because you care, but there is just no excuse for that whatsoever.
@SunnyDays (1070)
• Bahamas
4 Oct 06
Not good and shouldn't be accepted but apart from that I assume there is more to it.
Can you please clarify whether your Husband is under extreme pressue, is he a guy who gets easily angry, is he verbally abusive as well ...I am not looking for excuses but wonder why this happened
I would definitely leave for a night or two and stay with a friend so I can be more objective about the whole situation. After that I would have a good talk with my partner and see where we go from there
Just be careful OK ?
@MINDY0882 (2302)
• United States
5 Oct 06
I would leave,I told my hubby if he ever hit me it would be over. If they can do it once they may and most likely will do it again. Its not right and i dont understand women who stay in a realtionship like that, my mom does or had been hit by hers in the past still with him
