Stay at Home Moms
By bebbster
@bebbster (7)
United States
January 16, 2007 11:24pm CST
I am a stay at home mom and some days I love it, but other days I just get so frustrated I could scream. My husband and I have been married almost 5 years. We have four children. They are 7, 5, 1 and 3 months. I love staying at home with my kids, but I hate doing housework. I was in an accident almost 3 years ago and I haven't worked since then. My husband and I have discussed me going back to work, but when we weigh the earnings to the costs, it just doesn't make since. Sometimes I wish I had a job as a means of "getting away." I do 99% of the housework myself. My older kids help me some. I make all of our meals, wash dishes, clean, dust, vaccuum, bathe the two little kids, pay the bills and do the shopping. My husband pretty much bathes the older two kids for school, works, takes out the trash and does the laundry. However, he does not keep the laundry done. He waits until he HAS to wash clothes before he does. Sometimes this just plain irritates me. I feel like I am busting my butt for nothing. Then, if he eats something, he leaves his plate/cup/fork wherever he sat to eat. He leaves his dirty clothes all over the house. If and when he changes a diaper, he will leave it instead of taking it to the trash. I am constantly breaking my toes tripping over his size 11 steel-toed work shoes. Anybody out there have the same problems? Do you ever just want to scream? He is a great father to our children, but sometimes I feel like the things I want done get neglected because he is tired from work. I know I should be greatful to stay at home with our kids and not work, but sometimes I just am not.
16 people like this
77 responses
@akumei1269 (1749)
• India
17 Jan 07
Your post relates to a housewife and I am a husband of a housewife . However boring being at home might be , she does not have to scream due to domestic work's pressure . Because , we have only one child and our parents are still active . I also help her a little . Shopping , bill payments etc. are my responsibility . She has to bring the kid from school and this becomes a outing for her .
1 person likes this
@shivprasad (176)
• India
17 Jan 07
I think, One should not enforce the things which he wont like on. Though the physical or financial conditions make a reverse.
It should not happen in bcoz it might get a depressed mind so I think rather to get the ideas first for what could be the best of to gain success.
1 person likes this
@SuziBerardini (314)
• Canada
17 Jan 07
yes sister preach it! i have the same problem with my husband . he is grea at changing diapers but always leaves the dirty diaper on the changing table, i on the other hand are breaking my toes on size 13 steel toe boots and i can tell you, the colorful language that i let fly when it happend isnt exactly things i want to say around my 2 year old. Now that i am pregnant again, i am so desperate for sleep i try to sneak in a nap anytime i can. when my son wakes up at 5:30 every morning, and my husband has to wake up for work at 6, i ask him to get up with alex so i can catch an extra 20 minutes. sometimes i get it np, other times i have to hear, but i have to work so i need the extra sleep. um hello....... being a stay at home mom is work too! try doing it with a child that is as active as 2 children and be tired from being pregnant and cleaning the house several times a day becuase as fast as you are putting things away your son is pulling them right back out to play with them. ah yes and then there are the nights where my husband works a late shift from 1-10, not only do i have to get up at 5:30 and he gets to snore until 8:30, but basically im with alex all day and night with no break. sorry to have jacked your post but i guess i needed to vent more than i thought.lol i feel the same way you do, you love them with all your heart, but sometimes you want to smack them with all your might.lol
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
17 Jan 07
I understand what you are facing right now. If not 100% I am also experiencing some sort of the same thing as you are. It is only that my problem is a bit different, but it is caused by my husband. My husband is a good man. He goes to work and came home for lunch and get back from work approximately at the same time every day. The problem with me is that he is never doing anything in the house if I do not tell him to do so. Sometimes I feel i am marrrying to an assistant and not to a husband. I do all the decision in my family and he doesn't have the ability to make wise decision. I feel like screaming every day because of his attitude but what else could I do? I have to be patient with him and teach him like he is a school boy or something. I really need him to be more matured and able to be responsible for the big decisions, but I know he will not be able to do that ever after. Well life is always not fair so just be patient and maybe something good will happen in the end. who know, right? So keep on going and be patient. God bless you.
1 person likes this
@ladymalissa (85)
• United States
17 Jan 07
You are lucky your husband helps out at all.My husband will not pick up anything having to do with cleaning.So thank your lucky starts.Every day close the bathroom door while your kids are napping and just scream if you want to,it will releave some of the stress and trust me it does work,I have tried it.Let your kids play outside if you have a locked gated fenced in yard and just sit on the porch and relax,so let the house get dirty for 30 minutes and stay that way.Hunny when the kids go to bed it is easier to clean and you get a break from all the noise and time to your self.This is what works for me,and everyone wakes up to a clean house,I pick up through the day but when it starts to fet bad the night cleaning thing helps me,there is no noise,I am by my self and hitting a pillow every once in awhile helps to lol.Just hang in there it will get better.But you need a outlet or you will go nuts.Good luck and god bless.
1 person likes this
@Equilibrium (61)
• Romania
17 Jan 07
any of us have some dreams and plans before they start growing a family,so that is why you subconcient makes u feel like screaming...There is a certain part of your soul that feels unacomplished
1 person likes this
@piesmeralda (388)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
Your lucky to have a good provider husband. You don't have to go to work also to make ends meet. Well, it's just the typical nature of males to depend all the household chores to their wives while they go out and make a living. As long as the household is well provided so the wife can do the chores conveniently however much work there would be. You can tell your husband endearingly during your intimate moments whatever you wish he had to do to help you.
I have been married for 8 years and have been working since then. Now, I am staying home to take care of their needs, it's what I long for to do since I cannot cope up with both work and taking care of my family.
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
17 Jan 07
That's normal, the feeling like you are being taken for granted like that. I'm sure there are days when you don't feel like that and that you are happy with most things.
You might want to talk with him. Let him know how you feel. If you don't talk with him it could fester within and just make you feel worse. At least if you tell him you'll get some of it out. He might not realize what he is doing. He might be willing to help out more. He might not too, just being realistic here. However you won't know either way until you talk with him. Take some time to talk with him without the kids interupting. Find out how he feels about the situation as well. Listen as well as talk. You might find some common ground to work with.
1 person likes this
@maapav (729)
• India
17 Jan 07
Yes, in most cases it is the same with all the wives. I am also a stay at Home mom and I also do some office work.Yes, I too cooking, looking after children and some household work.Yes it is sometimes irritating to do all the work without anyone praising u. I know it is our duty to do all work but I think if someone says that you are working too hard then we think our work is being appriciated and it gives some satisfaction. But I feel that some working moms also has to go through all this and also they have a burden of office work. Our partners must help us but they don't feel that way.I feel very irritated if he doesnot keep things in its place. Cleaning is really very tiring as I have one daughter and one son.My daughter is 9yr old but she still doesnot keep her things in place and my son is only 21/2yrs old. I think our partners also must know that they are only not tired but we also get tired by doing all household work.
@cwgrlsarefun (1581)
• United States
17 Jan 07
You know this sounds like a normal complaint to me. I think that you should take a minute to realise what you just said. He is a great father, he works hard to support the home, and he helps out at home with the house work. Now it is not a big deal to trip over those shoes they can be moved away, the dishes are not a big deal either. You will see after awhile things will get easier and easier. As the children grow things will be easier. In a few years when all the kids are gone you are going to look back at this and wish that you had it all again. It sounds to me like you need to take a mommy day out. Just go look at things, if you have a little extra money then pamper yourself.
@kathy77 (7486)
• Australia
17 Jan 07
Yes this is understandable how you feel, I believe that every stay at home Mum feel like this. Yes it is too much that you are doing in the home especially when you had an accident so I do not blame you for screaming some men are so incensitive.
@alaine_bubbles (60)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
just show your love...... it's worth dying for the kids. thats what you call the loves suffering. hehehe
@samraf (725)
• India
17 Jan 07
i belive this is just the matter of few months after that u will b highly appreciated by every one in the family for wht you have done for them. and mostly by your husband and i think for a wife this is the the most happiest time when her husband appraise her. wht say ?
1 person likes this
@magikrose (5429)
• United States
18 Jan 07
You are not alone. I am also a stay home mom. The diffrence is my husband actually will do the dishes and laundry. I still have to yell at him to put his shoes somewhere else cause he also has steel toe boots that I am constantly tripping over. I am also the family chef like you. It does get frustrating but when I look at my kis when they are playing with my husband and I see him laughing and smiling it all makes it worth it.
@Celanith (2327)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Welcome to the world of reality and being a parent. It will get better as your kids get older. I have been a stay at home mom/wife for 37 years. You have good and bad days. Sounds like you need to have a babysitter for a few hours and get away. Homemaking is a full time occupation the government should recognize, and discriminates against. They will pay someone else to care for your kids but not you for the same thing. Stupid if you ask me. But hey you signed on for it. I have been there and you have to go with it. Your husband works, he seems to help out too. NO ONE not even you is perfect, cut your husband some slack. He is trying and that is better than a lot of men do. At least he is with you and not walking out leaving you. Your behavior though could drive him out. You said he bathes the other kids, takes out the trash and does the laundry and he changes diapers do you know how huge that is for a man to change diapers? I have screamed, cried, prayed and went back to work. He is tired from work and your tired too. get a sitter, family member or someone you trust and go out with your husband better yet get them to take the kids, clean the house and have a time alone with him don't answer phones just enjoy the peace and quiet and each other. Or go see a movie, dinner out. Try this every 4-6 weeks. Tell hubby some days you need just 30 minutes alone to do what you want, and go somewhere or lock the bathroom door,put on some good music, fill the tub and relax. You will find it does wonders.
@bebbster (7)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I know I am a lucky person to get my hubby to change diapers. He was an only child, so having kids around is different for him. He loves them very much. We both came from broken homes. His dad left when he was little and mine left when I was a teenager. When we had our first child, we promised each other that no matter how hard it was, we would never fight in front of our kids and we would never leave them like our parents did us. We used to get in arguments when I had a job, but since I do not have the stress of an outside job, we have be getting along fine. I think that is why he would rather I stay home with the kids than get another job. Thank you for your comment.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
18 Jan 07
You should talk to him about it. (don't nag him though , this never ends well) just sit down with him and explain to him why you are so frustrated. Maybe you can come up with a plan that will work. Many times woman just hold things in until one day they explode and cause a HUGE fight, don't hold it in and hold it against him, talk to him about it. He problably doesn't even realize that he's making more work for you.. HE problably doesn't even think about it.. He will most likely try to change things if you give him a chance.
@julialaurene0206 (1262)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
Im a stay at home mom too, i love it and im proud of it. sometimes its getting tired of taking care your kids the whole day and maintaining cleanliness in your home, but its rewarding when my kids hugs and kisses me. For me, kids will grow as child once and I dont want to miss it.
1 person likes this
@ronita34 (3922)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
You know i feel you and i mean i feel you the only difference between us is that i am a single mom. I keep my niece that is 5, my nephew that is 7, my oldest daughter is also 5 and my baby is 2. The housework itself along with the cooking and cleaning can really drain a person and stress you out. Sometimes it nice to just sit down and take a breather. Also let him know that you know he is tired from a hard days work but so are you sometimes. In my opinion it is much more hectic raising especially 2 babies but 4 kids in general. It drains you right out which is why we stay at home moms crave to get out.
@OffSpring26 (31)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I am in similar situation and my hubby does even less to help. But what can we do ? We ask them change, but they just can't.
