I wish I knew how to help my sister.
By AndreaM76
@AndreaM76 (1164)
United States
January 17, 2007 11:11pm CST
All I know to do is pray. She has been going back and forth between hr husband and one other man for the last year. She orignally left her husband after being together for years and she claimed he would be physcial with her. I never saw evidence personally but don't know. She moved out and found an even worse loser that nearly killed her. He had her addicted to narcotics so she kept going back and forth between the two. She called me today and wanted me to offer her an out but I did it so many times before and my huband doesn't trust her one bit and I just feel strongly it would bring destruction to my home to invite her here. I don't want to turn my back on her I love her but I feel helpless because I don't want her to cause drama in my family. Is this terrible I feel this way of my own sister? I tried looking up shelters for her and she said never mind she knew someone who could help her. I'm afraid for her future.
9 people like this
53 responses
@babsy07 (13)
• Fiji
18 Jan 07
This is a dilemma for you. You've been torn in between helping your sister, and protecting your family. I think that the best thing is to help her first of all see her problem, and get her to want to help herself. Only when she committed to change from her narcotic behavior and move on in life will you be able to get through to her in whatever efforts to give to support her. She has to realize her problem and committed to make a change. Only then you work with her and step by step helping her out of her problems. Prayer will be more effective if she is ready to make a change.
3 people like this
@cool1girl (248)
• India
18 Jan 07
Its good to pray.But along with that if you can try to take her to a therapist who can guide her professionally and help her to permanently get out of that situation.That will be real help to her.Also you can give her a few good books to read-many lives,many masters, by dr.brian weiss.You can also suggest past life regression therapy,it will help i'm sure.Whatever you do, therapy is a must for her.try to convince her to go for it.All the best!
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
9 Feb 07
cool1girl. So much has gone on for her since I made this post. I think 99.9% is in her head! I think the real harm is herself. I've seen how she provokes things. I want to help her see things and she thought I was just being judgemental when I have never been so open to her in my life. She isn't where she was anymore. I think she is now wit my aunt or the last I heard.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
18 Jan 07
She has been doing that and doing good then I guess she would stop her meds' perscribed so she could get pregnant and now since she stopped them she is back to the same old story within two days of not taking them. I can't reach her by phone and she lives too far to check on her.
@cool1girl (248)
• India
9 Feb 07
I know its hard on you.But be at it!Do try to get her back to therapy.All the best!
@ildikobutyurka (851)
• Romania
18 Jan 07
I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU. IT IS DIFFICULT TO LIVE LIKE THAT. AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENES TO HER, YOU'LL FEEL GULITY FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE BECAUSE NOT HELPING HER.
SO KEEP PRAYING, AND BELIEVE THAT THE SITUATION WILL BE SOLVED. I THINK IN THIS CASE IT IS BETTER TO GO BACK TO HER HUSBAND AND TRY TO LIVE A NORMAL FAMILY LIFE WITH HIM. DID YOU TALK TO HER HUSBAND? MAYBE HE HAS A VERSION ABOUT YOUR SISTER'S BEHAVIOUR, TOO. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO LEARN MORE BEFORE WE MAKE AN IMAGE ABIOUT A PERSON. MAYBE YOUR SISTER NEED HELP! YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU JUST LISTEN FOR ONE VERSION OF A PROBLEM!
2 people like this
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Exactly guilty. it's been the same story for years now. SHe was doing good then I found out she quit taking her medication she's been pesrcibed by her DR. for bipolar disorder because she wants to get pregnant. SHe is nuts without it. I worry for her but she is older than I am, she will be 33 this month and still acts 13 at times. The girl is just so unhappy. It's sad. I've had many discussions with him and he's trying to live a better life and joined the military a year ago. He's pretty nutty too. He and she both needs counseling but he won't admitt to it.
@seriousmiss (39)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
This may be tough to hear for you but the only person who can help your sister is herself. When she has reached rock bottom where she finally sees how low her life has become, then and only then will she make the concious decision to get up and ask for help to truly get out. People who live in the cycle of abuse believe it or not seems to just go right back into relationships that keep them abused or controlled. I am speaking from experience. My experience was that it was familiar to me and anyother way of life was too hard to try because of the unknown and then the shame of it all was just too much to let others know about it. I will say a prayer for her and hope that she sees the light soon before she loses her life. Continue to give her support but your responsiblities are to your husband and kids if you have any.
2 people like this
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I agree, she nearly killed her self of over dose less than a month ago. This was when she asked her husband to take her back. They get into some arguement then she wants to leave and then she finds more trouble. Thanks for saying a prayer.
@darckj (885)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
pray is one thing i do if i want to help a person whom i could be of no help.. its hard to ignore the people you love and the fact that they can also affect the other loved ones you have.. this case such as yours, is maybe a trial or a challenge in your life.. be strong and let God guide you always and your sister. pray also for your family..^^
3 people like this
@remaster74 (4064)
• Greece
18 Jan 07
Even though I have the same experience as a bitten up woman too much (he nearly killed me several times) I did my best and never fell into another man's arms. Because I was afraid that he would be a loser as the first one. I know live with my son at my parents house and I have the creep far away from me and my family. Maybe yoy have to tell her only this: you are welcome to stay with us if only you will leave both of them and never ever see them again. Tell her your fears about bringing disaster to your home and then let her decide. Shelters are not a good idea, believe me. And she will feel neglected and alone in this world so she will go back to one of these two men or a new one who might be proved to be worse.
1 person likes this
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Well, she brought the shetler up herself and there is one actually a few miles form where I live that is in a nice home like place. I could be near her and she could be around other women like herself. I feel this could more of the awakinging she needs than just jumping from family memeber back to a guy then back to a family and back and forth. She is just using us to get back at them till the other will let her back with them.
@vhansen (2029)
• United States
18 Jan 07
You can't fix broken people.You can only help them if they truely want help.I'm sorry I don't think she does.My sister is in a similar situation and I've offered help and advice but she insists she doen't need it.So like you,I pray for her.I'll add your sister to that prayer and hope everything works out for the two of them.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
18 Jan 07
No you have done the right thing as you can not put your Family Life at risk for someone who obviously is taking the Help only when it suits her
And if she does not want to go in a Shelter then all she is doing is trying to make you feel that you owe you her as you are her Sister
well you don't you have tried helping and it won't work so she doesn't want your Help as far as I can see it from here
You need to get on with your Life and let her lead hers as that is how she wants to lead it
All you can do is pray for and hope for a Miracle it is not as though you are turning your Back on her but you can not let her take you down with her
Yes she is your Sister and you love her but all you cna do is what you are doing now as she will not accept your Help in any way or Form at the sound of things
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
19 Jan 07
This is exactly how I feel. I can't make her change her ways. She can only do it but she doesn't want anyone to tell her what she should do either. She was once a brillant girl and wasted her brilliance on having a good time. She had it all and blew it quite young. I give her my emotional support but I do not feel I owe her the privledge of taking her in when she's taken things from me in the past and smoked pot around my son claiming it wouldn't effect him. Thank you.
@howiedy (236)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
I think you have tried your best to help her out of that misery. I salute you for having the guts to find a shelter for her. That shows you are really concerned of her. But it is not your problem anymore if she does not want to help herself. You can only do so much. Prayer is the best remedy. Add to that heart to heart talks. If convincing her seems to be futile, just let God do the rest of the job. God bless you!
1 person likes this
@eltmin (143)
• Malaysia
18 Jan 07
Dear Andrea,
I think if your sister is addicted to narcotics, that is the main concern you should be thinking right now. Addict does not think clearly and I think your sister is not able to make a wise decision by herself. And there is nothing much you can do except to get her to a rehabilation center.
Going back and forth between two men of her life is not a big deal if her addiction is solved, with a clear head, I think she could make her own decision pretty well.
Well, praying may be helpful to you, not your sister, you should get up and get her to kick off her addiction real fast.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
18 Jan 07
This is true about the addiction but praying isn't about just thinking God is going to just make her better . God will provide the wisdom she needs and I need to reach out to help her. It's how ever he wants to interveine. Thanks for pointing out her addictions need to be addressed first.
@Maxmewell17 (98)
• South Africa
18 Jan 07
I am glad to know ou pray over this suituation. It is dificult to solve in the eye on man but WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Be more specific in you prayers and try as such as possible to council her from time to time.
She needs divine intervention and you can stand on the gap for her. Only the word of God will melt her strong heart.
@christoanthony (37)
• India
19 Jan 07
Its really good to know that you are praying for your sister and want to help her. There is one thing that should be followed along with prayer"Compassion and Faith". Compassion brings tears and faith brings Gods power to change our situtation. Because the bible says in James5:16 "the heartfelt prayer of a righteous person will accomplish much" and also the bible says in 1john "If any on goes to God, he should believe that God exists and then what ever he prays for will be answered to him." So, dont giveup take heart you will see way for your sister. Meanwhile there is something you shuld be doing whenever you talk to your sister dont talk about the downtroden situtation of her life instead make her realize that this not the end of her life ibstead there's a bright future for her. Tell her some encouraging verses from the bible. Because "one word can do what thousand words of man couldn't do."
1 person likes this
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
19 Jan 07
A few days back I was inspired to tell her how much my life has changed for the better and has became alot less complicated simply by going to church. I thought for a long time I could serve God on my own and not bother with the politics of church. I was wrong! I want her to see this and want it too. I want her to want a relationship with God again. GOdBless and thanks!
@seeyogeshwagh (724)
• India
18 Jan 07
I am not a family person I know nothing about it. I will keep my silence here. But one thing is right narcotics is not very good for one's life. You can keep her away from it. Just do what you feel is right. You will surely do something good for her as you love her. Best of luck
1 person likes this
@swasti (1157)
• India
18 Jan 07
what r ur parents doing? well by bringing in ur irresponsible sister, dont bring in having problems with ur husband. in case ur sister will not change , it is useless to spoil a good relationship with ur husband , trying to defend her.so try ur best to get her a joba nd put her in soem ladeis hostel.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
18 Jan 07
my parents' have opened their door many times too but she won't go there. SHe wants to be somewhere she thinks she can get away with things I think.
@a_child_of_god (9)
• United States
19 Jan 07
All you can do is pray and be there for her. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. I know it's hard because it's your sister and you love her but sometimes you can't help someone even if it's your own blood. Maybe she'll come around and ask for help before it's to late. I'll keep her in my prayers aswell.
1 person likes this
@mom2boys (334)
• United States
18 Jan 07
i would just pray, you shouldnt have to have destruction between your family to help someone who may not even straighten up..You have to think of your husband/kids first. If it is going to cause trouble between you and your family I would just tell her you cant. pray for her sounds like she needs it.
@09196606945 (125)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
oh my god , its so hard to be caught in a situation like that. but for me family is still family. i think id still help her simply because she's my sister. knowing that the other guy nearly killed her.
@hionmentho (245)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Keep praying, I believe God will reward your prayers. I hope they do at least. I personally would send my sister to rehab if she was still on narcotics. I hope everything works out!
1 person likes this
