My mother-in-law is dictating our life!!
By yamiboo
@yamiboo (466)
Philippines
January 18, 2007 12:40pm CST
Have seen rants about their mothers-in-law here. I have my own stories to share too. My mother-in-law is dictating how we should live our lives.
she wants to be the one to decide things for us. After my hubby and I got married, I told my hubby that we have to have our own place. He said that we will be working on it over the years, but since we're just starting out, his mom would want to help us first by letting us stay at her place first.
To make a long story short, this is how my mil is to us. She blames us all the time for the high electricity and water bills, she notices and asks why I always buy my kids clothes when they can just reuse their old clothes even if they're worn out already, she asks every purchase i make (so what, i'm using my money, not hers!) she discourages my husband that he can't run their business when in fact he hasn't even been given a chance to prove himself, I get blamed for househelpers leaving us, she insists that I start giving my 2 year old daughter soda during meals, she wants us to stay FOREVER with her in her house but can't live each day appreciating the things we do which makes it look like she's pushing us to move out, she wouldn't give my hubby's inheritance tax from his dad, she takes out her miseries from work on us, she blames us for things even if it's clear to everyone that it's her fault, she's always correct even if she's not and you can't even correct her, she cries when she asks "am i a bad mother" when in fact it's clear that her son and daughter would most likely say "yes", she loves money more than her family, she keeps blaming her husband for things until now even if he has passed away already, she's ok one minute and then she's fuming the next without reason, she keeps bad mouthing her friends to us but never stops seeing them, she likes meeting new people then telling us that she only makes friends with them to get business from them (how irritating is that?), she notices why I take a bath at night, she judges me the wrong way and sees me as the bad person, when she finds out we earned a bit of money, you'll wake up the next day with a list of debts (even if she originally offered to pay for stuff for us) taped on our bedroom door, she doesn't allow my husband's friends over and if they do come over, she asks my husband to charge them for electricity bills, she doesn't allow my husband to drink despite the fact that he's 33 years old already, she hates the fact that i smoke cigs and deep inside wants me to stop when in fact my own parents let me be, she wants to "own" my kids but can't even take care of them for an hour, she keeps telling us she's always thinking for us in the house when in fact when we help her think or help her make decisions, we're always wrong, hubby and i try to put up a business, it hasn't even started yet, she's saying we will be unsuccessful, etc, etc, etc.. Need I say more?
Help! We cant move out yet coz she won't even give my husband his inheritance and what we have is so little to be able to start somewhere.
3 people like this
51 responses
@hizzle13 (644)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Honestly, you need to find your own place, no matter how hard it is at first. She sounds like a real wacko, i could never live in such an environment. You'll thank yourself later. She wants to give your 2 year old po? Oh no no no.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
I know! Isn't that crazy? Hehe. Because she's a soda addict, so she thinks it's also good for my daughter. She thinks it's good for her, especially the diet ones, hello?! I've already posted a literature about effects of soda on the ref, but she didn't believe it. She actually defended it! Haha. My point is, why rush my daughter into drinking soda, when she has all her life in the future to try it out? My daughter doesn't have to try it out at an early age! My daughter can decide on her own when she can already. I would really love to move out VERY soon.
@barbiedoll1973_tn (123)
• United States
19 Jan 07
OK do we have the same Mother In Law? Because they sound alot alike well sorda I think that my mother in law came straight from the devil or she seems like it.. I married a only child HUGE HUGE MISTAKE I MADE. ok here are some rules for the single people people out there
rule 1 Is the man an only child? If so run like hell
rule 2 Is his mother moving in with him right before you get married? run like hell ( this happened to me)
rule 3. Is his mother sleeping in the bed with him? Run like hell ( his mother was doing this)
rule 4 Is his mother seem jealous of your and his time together when you are just dating? if so run like hell.
Rule 5 Does his mother try and control his ever move? and does he do as his mother say? if so run like hell.
Rule 6 Did you get into it with his mother while dating him? this is not a good sign the B!t** was probably just trying to run you off..
Ok I can't think of anymore I am really tired even though I do know that I have more..
I hate my mother in law and I probably always will.. She is a witch.
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Oh, I wish I knew you before I got married haha! But in fairness, there's nothing really wrong with my husband. It's just that he's probably used to how his mom was, made her sound good to me, I fell for it, and now we're both stuck, haha!
My answers to your rules:
Rule 1 - yes, he is the only SON. He has a sister though.
Rule 2 - He's the one who lives with her, so when we got married, we had to stay here.
Rule 3 - No
Rule 4 - Probably, not sure
Rule 5 - She does try to control his move and decisions, but I'm here to guide him anyways.
Rule 6 - No
And ok, do we have the same mother in law? haha.
@MellieC (783)
• United States
19 Jan 07
When me and my husband got married we had to move in with his parents to help care for his ill father. His mother hated me from day one. She was constantly telling me how much bigger I was compared to her (when I was pregant) and how I should eat less, etc. She was constantly trying to get into our business. Didn't accept the fact that I was working, because I stayed home to work and take care of my son after he was born. She was bitter and constanly nagging on my husband and well we just finally said..goodbye. We moved out and that was that. So long story short I understand completely how you feel.
1 person likes this
@Mommamea (1215)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Sounds to me like she is depressed and in much need of counseling. My Mother in law was on top of us for a while but I kept my mouth closed most of the time. Her and I are from totally different family ways and she never liked the way I did things even if it was my husbands idea. I finally told my husband I would not put up with her telling me how to raise our kids all the time and I was going to start saying more. He did not like the way she talked and did either and would always say you will never change her cause that's the way things have always been. I did live with my in laws for a while when my husband was over seas and that was hell. I was pregnant and I couldn't do anything right. Especially since she was a nurse. I did start voicing my oppinion and told her on several occasions that her kids were no angels so she didn't do everything right either. I even quit speaking to her for about 4 months one time and I think she got the idea. Since our kids are older now and doing perfectly fine she has laid off and has actually changed her ways. I would let her know things could be easier on her if she would give up the inheritance and let you get on your own. I would tell her it would be less of an inconveiniance if you had the money to buy your own place. Let her know when she starts telling you about every penny she spends then you will do the same. Tell her you learned business tactics from her so how could you fail. Sometimes simply things like that will set her straight. Best of luck to you and hope everything works out.
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Thanks so much for your response! That's actually the same thing I told my husband a few weeks ago,that I think his mom needs some sort of counselling because she herself is confused on what she wants and not. So there is a problem in her that's probably bugging her, which NO ONE knows about at all. She's probably in denial too. Like you, she and I are from different family ways. She would always find something wrong in what I'm doing even if I know I'm doing the right things. My husband is fed up too with his mom, but can't do anything about it too much coz he's used to it already, having been spending 33 years of his life with her. The only thing I'm constantly reminding my husband of is that "she's pretending to be stupid, but she's outsmarting us", which is what another friend of ours observed.
I cannot be the one who should voice our opinions to her, because she will never listen to me and will have ways of making me look wrong again. It's my husband who does the talking, since it's his mom anyways. I'm just trying to keep my patience which I hope doesn't fade anytime soon. We're working on a plan right now, I hope it works out.
Thanks again.
@amanda84 (263)
• Malaysia
19 Jan 07
why dun u tell her what is on ur mind..let her know. if she keep making a fuss over nothing..then i suggest u to rent a small apartment sumwhere..its no point to stay at a home which control everything..am i rite. if im were u..i will move out ratherr to hear ur mil to nag here and there.
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
I agree with you. My husband and I have been talking about this everyday, we have made plans already, but it wont take a snap of a finger to just move it, so we're trying to execute the plans slowly but surely. I'll be the happiest person on earth once we've moved out :D
@charmz07 (85)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
I've been through that and it makes my life miserable. I thought i'm the only one experiencing the kind of treatment from my mother in law. Although right now, we have move out...still she's dictating us. It really irritates. But at least, not every move i do because we're not on the same house. How i wish we are in another country or a faaaaaaaaar away place that she could hardly reach us.
So, you should move out. How can you start on your own if didn't try to move out from that situation.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
My life is getting more miserable every day that I wake up. It's good that you were able to move out already, though, how can she still dictate to you guys? Well, like you said, at least you're not living in the same roof anymore. My husband and I are working on it already, though we all know it can't change by tomorrow. We're really planning it out already. Thanks so much for your response.
@unisis (1673)
• Indonesia
12 Feb 07
my mother in law never dictating my life,cause i live far away from my mother inlaw it's around 100 km,and i seldom met her only when i come to her in the celebrating Idul Fitri or Idul Adha,and also my wife have not her mother in law and we are free to do everything what we want to do.
1 person likes this
@selina0625 (1379)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
Most of mother-in-laws are like that. They can not help but stil feel responsible for their children even if they already have their own family.This is their way of letting themselves feel needed. Or we may also look at it as jealousy. She may be feeling jealous that her son already loves another woman aside from her. That may be in your case because of the way she treats you. Since you're not yet capable financially wise to have your own place I guess you just have to bear it. Or you can talk to her one on one of your feelings but I doubt that she'll listen. Old persons are sometimes like that. They're more stubborn than kids. I really pity your situation. I just hope and pray that things will work out fine.
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
I don't think it's about jealousy or her being concerned about her son. It's actually more of a self-centered thing, she's scared that we might leave her and not be there for her if anything happens to her. Thanks so much for understanding my situation.
@Perry2007 (2229)
• Philippines
20 Jan 07
In law trouble is really inevitable, you will be the one of the luckiest if you get your in laws to your side. That is why husbands and wife have to leave their parents to start their own. In the Philippines though, we do not really have that kind of strength unless our will is strong, sometimes we just do not have the capacity to do so also, but if you have by all means, go get your own house, use your Pag-ibig housing loan if you have to. Strengthen your will. Good luck
@ms_fery (251)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
is all mother in laws are like that? is yes i don't want to have her for my life time. if i were you i will help my husband to earn money and leave that place, i just want to asked if your husband is working in their own company or not if yes i must say give it up and search for a other job im sure if he is good at his work he can manage to become better in a different company. we can not do anything about your in law. just leave that house pray for God's help
1 person likes this
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
Unfortunately, yes, my husband works in their family-owned business. Good side of it is, my MIL is trying to sell the company, which would mean more freedom for my husband, at least he can find a job he enjoys doing who will pay more. Then eventually, we might be able to move out. Biggest mistake of my life was quitting my job and working for them after we got married. But I quit already to become a full-time mom. I'm trying to find ways how to add some income for the family.
@smurfettewv (359)
• United States
3 Feb 07
Have you thought about applying for section 8 housing or getting a low income based apaertment for you all. You can quailfy for food stamps and such until you get your business off the ground. it would be better than suffering there and arguing and wondering what now. No house is built for two families and you all need to move. I know your low on money but what about income tax if you get a refund try and save. The inhertaince tax if its his he should demand it if she refuses seek legal action I know that is awful but....
@merkava (1225)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Simply put, in-laws are there to guide you, to give you suggestions on how to have a better life but in no case they should be there to take control of it. Sometimes they do that because they want your life to be the dream life the never had. They want to mold you in their own image and not yours. They'll usually say that since they're a lot older than you automatically they know a lot more than you. In today's times that's just partially true.
1 person likes this
@dbcraff (162)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I really think you need to figure out a way to move out. She is just going to continue to be in the middle of your maraige. I had a very difficult tiem with my mother in law as well. I do understand. And we didn't even live with her. It got better when we moved away to be near my family in NY. His family lives in across the state. We had to put distance between us. So we could make decisions for ourselves. And I have to ask. Does your husband listen to her and do everything she says or does he stand up to her? We had this problem also. That distance gave him a backbone. He doesn't stand for her telling him what to do anymore. He stands his ground wether it is issues with the kids or whatever it may be. As for his inhertance he may have to fight for it. If that is what you need to move out on your own.
1 person likes this
@purplesea (62)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
Sounds like the MIL from hell. I'm not married yet but your MIL sounds like my mom only worse.... I love her but sometimes she can be so controlling. I'm 29 and whenever I wanted to put up a business she would discourage us and put us down. She even discourages my hobbies like scrapping because its expensive daw. She just tolerates my tennis because i play with the social elite from this town. She even forces me to attend parties just because its her friends' parties!
I've seen her with my kuya and his wife and she always makes pakialam. Even when they fight. She spoils their kids and now they won't listen to their parents anymore.
@chiquita1977 (1706)
• United States
19 Jan 07
i feel for you.your mil sounds like she wants to runn your life.i know what that is like.your mil sounds like she wants to be in control over everything.if i was you i would hurry up and move out asap so you can live your own life.does your mil have the legal right to hold your husbands inheritance?if not then i would talk to someone and see what can be done.
@yamiboo (466)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
I think that's her goal. To keep trying to run everyone's lives. I think she wants everyone kneeling down to her and praising her. We are trying our best to be able to move out.. and FAST. We really need to get out of that house or else, the rest of my life will be miserable. I don't think she has legal rights to hold the inheritance. It's actually my husband's right to have the inheritance already considering that he has a family already. My husband is just waiting for something small from a deal with MIL and if it doesn't work out, he's thinking of talking with someone with regards to legal rights, etc.
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
19 Jan 07
well, i'd just tell her that its your money and your kids, etc and you can spend it how you want. if she wants to complain about everything you guys do, then tell her you'll save up and move out as soon as you can and then she wont need to worry about high bills, etc. it sounds like she wants all control over you guys because you live in HER house. i would NOT stay there, save up and get out before your children see how miserable you are. good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@mom2boys (334)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Well I feel sorry for you, but in the same sense you are living in her house...so do you work??? I would suggest saving up and getting out! Otherwise maybe you shouldn't have married into all that right away. Most mother in laws are like this, and well I guess if you are in her house, what can you do??? it must suck, i couldnt imagine, but my mother in law thankfully is pretty laid back. sounds like yours likes to be the center of all attention!
@shenfei (187)
• China
7 Aug 09
What is more important, a luxurious house or a happy mood? I know they are both important, but in your current position, I think you have to choose the latter. I understand you have something you need being held in your mother-in-law's hand, but compared to what you are going through, they are not important anymore. So being determined and moving out. Even if you have to live in a shabby apartment, so what, at least it is your home. You will feel at home in it. Are you feeling at home in your mother-in-law's house now? I don't think so. Believe in your husband and yourself, you will have a successful career and a nice future. Just hang on for a while. Good luck.
