My ex commited suicide, is it my fault?
By jglfan101
@jglfan101 (155)
United States
January 20, 2007 12:02am CST
My ex boyfriend commited suicide last year, 3 days after I had my baby. It wasn't his baby but we had always talked about getting married and having babies. We broke up and started seeing other people. We always had an on again, off again relationship. He would always call me and tell me he missed me and that we should get back together. I believe this happened 3 times but by this time I was in a new relationship and eventually got pregnant. My ex boyfriends sister was my best friend so of course he found out. I would come over when I was pregnant and talk to her and shopping, etc. I didn't think I guess but she was my friend before we started dating. Anyways when I had my baby my mom called my friend and told her. Three days later he shot himself. I was devestated, I wish I could have prevented him from doing this. I feel like I shouldn't have let him find about my pregnancy but how could I have done this since his sister was my best friend of 5 years. I feel so guilty there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Is it my fault, I can't help but wonder.
3 people like this
14 responses
@Mr_Ant (117)
• United States
29 Jan 07
It is not your fault. It is not your fault that emotionally and mentally he was unstable or fragile. How could you possibly be responsible for that? You cannot. Only a person that is not well will kill themselves over somebody they cannot have. You are not responsible for him being sick. I wish he had gotten professional help. However, it was primarily the responsibility of his loved ones to make sure he got professional help if it was ever obvious that he needed it. Maybe they did try to get him to see a doctor and he refused. Maybe they never realized how bad a shape he was in emotionally and mentally. I do not know. I do know that you are not responsible. I am sure you were as kind to him as you could be. He just could not deal with reality anymore. That is not your fault. That is not your fault. Okay? Take care and much love.
1 person likes this
@klabenes (3)
• United States
14 Apr 08
It's not your fault, there was no way he wasn't going to find out about the baby. He was eventually going to see you with the baby, so there was nothing you could have done. Maybe it was his way of dealing with loosing you, I don't know. You are never going to know why he did it but, you shouldn't blame yourself. You couldn't of prevented it. It sounds like to me that he was not over you and that ending his life was the only way he could quit suffering.
1 person likes this
@Till1001 (26)
•
29 Jan 07
don't blame yourself for something that you could not have forseen, nor actually done anything to prevent.
people do crazy things when they are in love, unfortunately some people either don't know how to deal with their feelings, or take them to the extremes.
I feel true sympathy for your ex, his family and most of all you. his departure from this world has evidently left you with an intense feeling of guilt, but you shouldnt feel that way, you have a beautiful new life to nurture and cannot afford to worry yourself with this guilt.
take care of your new life and ensure that they would never make such a terrible choice in life, as it obviously not only affects that person, but anyone around them who cares for them.
dont feel like it's your fault, like i said before, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening.
@mommy2taylor1 (405)
• United States
30 Jan 07
Oh you poor girl. Right after having a baby having to deal with something like that. Absolutely not-- it is NOT your fault. You can't prevent something like that from happening.. & you couldn't have prevented your pregnancy- he would have found out eventually & why should the birth of your baby send someone over the edge that wasn't unstable.. so obviously he had a lot more problems going on then you knew about. I think it's unfortunate that this happened after the arrival of your beautiful gift-- but, it isn't your fault & just be grateful that you have a precious baby to take care of. Of course your going to think about him because he was your ex & it's your friends brother--but, don't place the blame on yourself--there isn't anything you could have done to prevent it.
1 person likes this
@AmericanWoman (298)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Someone else's action can not be blamed on other people. Maybe it is a good thing you all broke up since he is the killing type, who knows down the road if that would of been you also been killed. I'm so sorry for his sister what a heartache she most of went through losing her brother in that way. I hope your life is peaceful at this time.
1 person likes this
@hellboi (661)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
The guilt that you feel only means that you care for that person and it is a good sign that you have healthy emotions. But your emotions should remain as such and should not manifest into some actions for all you know his actions are to be blamed on him alone. If you were really not able to make things work out between the two of you after several tries then it is just normal that you go on your separate ways. Only he was not strong enough to face reality and tried to end his agony in that way.
Now that you have a new baby, focus your attention with your family and try to put the past behind you.
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
20 Jan 07
You cannot blame yourself for what someone else does.If I feel that I cant be with someone , I cant be with him only because he may hurt himself. Its very sad and I am very sorry to hear this. I dont think you could have kept your pregnancy a secret for long. Its sad he was hurt and that it happened.
Now, you have to pray to god and go with your life. It will not help anyone for you to live in blame and guilt.
@k33p3r (14)
• Philippines
29 Jan 07
definitely, it is not your fault. he chose to end his life and therefore it is his own will and you didnt influence him to do that. its been a long time since you both parted ways and you already gave birth. by this time, he must have accepted it. no matter what happens to him after your break up, is not your business at all. both of you have separate lives. So stop being guilty at all. focus on the new chapter of your life as a mother.
@shadow9 (238)
• Romania
29 Jan 07
whozefa, GET A LIFE! ... you have no idea what your talking about so shut up and try liveing for once ... if you say that then it meens you have no idea how life really is ... you should try it ... and se how you would feel and say after ...
jglfan101, you were involved but it was not your fault ... and i don't think e would have wanted you to fell so bad, he really must have cared for you ... but it's not your fault, it was hes choice ... i don't wish u to experience how that would feel ... don't completly forget about him ... but move on, and remember that he really loved you ...
@dbeast (1495)
• India
29 Jan 07
This will definitely not be your fault.There was no way that you could have hidden the fact that you were pregnant and evidently he would have come to know about it.even then he should have moved on knowing that things cannot work out between you guys .you dont have to keep worrying and take the blame on yourself because this is no way your fault.so just move on with your life and things will become ok.take care..
@rockgemini (26)
• India
29 Jan 07
It is quite apparent that he was pretty much commited about you. Males become very possesive when they get commited, and he should have conveyed the same to you with that much of commitment I guess. I don't know if it was your fault that you did not understand his commitment or if it was his fault to be unable to convey it properly, but that's male psychology. I myself am a man and I understand that. You don't have to be feel guilty at all. Males do such things out of desperation and that's not at all any solution. If he was so possesive about you, he should have taken steps to get you and avoided the situation. That's all I can say.
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Please stop blaming yourself for this. If this girl was your best friend,then you had every right to tell her and if he found out that was okay too. You weren't in a committed relationship with him and he needed to accept that. Some guys think that their life is over if they are alone.
