Do you fear success in life?
@ControlledChaos (179)
United States
January 24, 2007 1:00am CST
Do you think that a lot of us sabotage our own lives? When I look back, more and more I see that the mistakes were all my own... That I alone am the reason why I am where I am. There have been many events that were completely out of my control, but I take full responsiblity for my reactions to them.
Why do we continually make decisions that we know, on some level, will be detrimental to the quality of our lives down the road? Why do some of us insist on persecuting ourselves? Are we just masochistic? I just don't get it.
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves - Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give others permission to do the same. AS we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
Why is this quote so true? Why on earth do we need permission to let ourselves be our best? I guess I'm just in one of those moods, but I'd be thrilled if some of you would share your thoughts.
1 person likes this
25 responses
@chimex4real2k2 (1853)
• Nigeria
25 Jan 07
I think it's individual. I am motivated by a desire for success. Or even, a desire to complete the things I know I will eventually have to do, and get on with things I like.
But there are a lot of people who are motivated by the fear of failure. I think that is scary, because no matter how hard you try, there are things that you will fail, and that will cause self-punishment, and, potentially, trauma and loss of motivation. Fear of anything is a very bad long-term motivation.
2 people like this
@smilekeith (248)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I remember in high school, i had aced a few science classes. I got 100% on three tests in a row. The next test I felt I was going to get 100% again, so I missed two questions so that I could get a 88%. I knew I could have gotten a better grade, and that worked for me. However, I have noticed that to be a pattern in my life. I don't want the expectations of succeeding, so I somehow lower the expectations a little.
I don't think that is always the case, sometimes I am afraid I won't live up to , well that is the same thing, isn't it.
1 person likes this
@iamnumbed (164)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
wow. i can totally relate to this. i recently got promoted but sometimes i feel inadequate, like i do not deserve the new position even when most people say i do. i guess it is mostly because i am afraid to screw up, and in the long run, i screw up even more.
i know there is a lot of things i can share to the company but i am still quite afraid to open up. i am not sure why. there is a lot of things i do not quite understand. i just hope i can be the best i can without having to sacrifice my principles.
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Don't ever sacrifice your principles. I've made many mistakes, but I can honestly say I haven't sold myself out to the man.
Don't worry too much about the new position. I think that sort of thing just takes time to grow into and adjust.
Listen to me... I posted this because I was looking for advice and now I'm dishing it out like I'm Ann Landers. What a difference a day makes.
@trouble4u2avoid (2915)
• United States
24 Jan 07
A couple years back I was listening to a talk show on the way home from work. It really struck a nerve because I feel like my husband seems to fit the pattern. It said some people just can't handle success! As soon as they reach a certain point, they intentionally do something drastic to destroy it. I feel like we are always digging ourselves into a hole and as soon as we get out, we plummet right to the bottom again. I am tired of the cycle. I guess I am as much to blame because I tolerated it.
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
24 Jan 07
I'm not sure if the word "intentionally" is the right one to use. I mean, I think that once your husband realizes what he is doing he should be able to recognize his behavior right away, but I don't think I even realized it at the time when I was doing it. It's strange, because you feel like you want to succeed, but then you look back and realize that you subconsciously prevented it from happening.
@trouble4u2avoid (2915)
• United States
24 Jan 07
you could be right, but quitting a job just because you don't feel like it anymore seems at least a little bit intentional. Once was ok, twice was questionable and this third time, I'm over it!
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
25 Jan 07
Well... this has not been my experience.
I think you should swap the word "fear" for "laziness".
Some people work hard for a little while, and get into some money. They feel confortable... and lazyness set in. They stop working hard and become poor again. So they start working hard again until laziness set in again. It is a pattern that they keep repeating. It has nothing to do with fear. They simply don't like working.
In such a pattern, you never get anywhere financially... but your quality of life might be better... as those people usually know how to enjoy themselve as opposite of those who work hard for 40 years with the idea of enjoying themselve once they retire.
Problem is... enjoying yourself is something you have to learn like everything else. And if all you do for 40 years is work... there is no freaking chance that you will start enjoying yourself at 60... because you won't know how to.
1 person likes this
@smilekeith (248)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I think laziness is a very poor choice of word in this situation. Some people work HARD all the time, especially because you have to work hard to make time to enjoy yourself. You can't enjoy yourself forty years down the line, because you might not make it. I think their is a gospel song that goes something like:
"Tomorrow, I'll give my life. Tomorrow, I'll give my life to him... But, tomorrow is not promised. So, I'll give my life today."
While I am not a religious person, I do believe that life can only be considered successful if you have balance. And, to forgoe everything today for a chance at tomorrow leaves you with nothing. Because, that mentality always has Tomorrow as their motivation, so there will never be a today. How many people do you know work into their seventies, eighties, etc. Not because they didn't manage their money right, but because they don't now what else to do. That's all they've ever done and they are uncomfortable "doing nothing" or "being lazy" or to the rest of us, "enjoying life."
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I agree that "laziness" is probably a more appropriate word for some people. That's not what's going on for me though, and I don't think that's the case for many of the people who've responded with similar feelings.
When I was younger I worked for a family-owned dairy farm. I started to feel like my boss was slowly trying to work me into his family. I spent a lot of time working side by side with him and his kids. For reasons I can't even begin to explain, I just couldn't deal with that feeling of belonging to a "family" after not having a real family of my own for so long. So, I joined the military to get out. That is not laziness.
And when I say "sabotage", I don't mean by quitting working. I've held down a full time job since I was 12. What I do, is jump into a new job to avoid success at the old one... Or over-extend myself financially. Looking back I can see that it was all just self destructive behavior. I think I'm beginning to understand it a bit better these days. I've been at the same job for 8 years now and I'd love to move on, but when I do it will be because that's what's best - not because I'm avoiding anything.
@ram13288 (387)
• United States
25 Jan 07
i wouldnt say that i fear success in life because that is what i am working towards in my own life. i think that people fear being successful because they dont feel that they deserve it and think that there are more deserving people in the world.
2 people like this
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I know I am a very self destructive person. I know when i have to do soemthing or want soemthing done I do just the oppisite. A perfect example...I might be going out on a date this weekend. I wanted to loose some weight. So I went out bought more food and did some baking. I didn't loose any thing so far and even gained a bit. I do that every time it seems like.
When I know I have to get up early the next day, that's when I can't shut my mind off. I just lay tehre and think about how I have to get up early the next day. Then I end up gettting about 3 hours sleep.
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Wow... those examples describe me perfectly! lol. I do the exact same things. If I feel like someone is getting too close I find myself pigging out on junk food and burgers while I'm thinking that I look like a slob. That's exactly the sort of thing I was talking about. Bigger stuff, too... but that sort of thing on a daily basis.
@smilekeith (248)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I have listened to Tony Robbins and a few other speakers of note. I have to admit, I never gave them the slightest bit of credibility,until I saw him in person. I saw his commercial about his upcoming event, with people jumping up and down, and my girlfriend and I laughed because that would never be us. Then, when he was doing his demonstration, I found myself jumping up and down and really being a part of it. Incredible.
Anyway, the point I started to make, is that he also mentions that. Often times people are afraid to be successful, because other people, their friends, etc. will drift away. People want to support you when you are down, or working on your way up. They turn their backs on you, or stab you when you are up. So many of us, aren't up for that challenge. But, we can get over it.
The quote you used, my nephew uses that in almost every report he has done in college. It's almost like a tagline for him. He says it keeps him motivated.
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
I think it would be great to see a really good motivational speaker in person. Maybe I'll try to go next time there's a good one speaking nearby.
I think you are right about friends and family keeping us down. In one of my sociolgy classes in college we talked a lot about that. As much as families say they want their kids to succeed, they sometimes try to keep them down because they don't want the kids to outgrow the family on an intellectual, social or financial level. And the kids tend to allow themselves to be held down for the same reasons - they don't want to drift away from their roots. The sad part is, it's one of those things that happens and no one even seems to consciously realize that it is happening until someone points it out to them.
That is a great quote, isn't it? I first heard it a long time ago and loved it. Thanks for the reply!
1 person likes this
@hellboi (661)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
We make bad decisions (that is unintentional until we really know that it is really bad) because we are not perfect. In this world we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, figure out our next step from where we are standing right now. Because that's the essence of it, we cannot rewind and edit the bad episodes in our lives. They have become part of us and they become basis for the decisions that we will make in the future. But this rise and fall in the cycle of life makes it more interesting. Imagine how boring can life be if all we do is perfect which we may never know as perfect if we have not made a mistake by the way.
As for your question if we are afraid of success, i guess not. We love to be successful, we are just afraid of the responsibilities that comes with it. Say for example you are just a regular employee, when you'll be promoted as a manager that smells success. And you love the idea of being a manager: nice pay, a lot of allowances, you get to be the boss. But when you think of the responsibilities of a manager, that you are at the top, that everyone asks you and consults you and trust your every decision, you freak out because every finger is pointing at you. So you see, responsibility is what we elude, unfortunately success comes right after you fulfill your responsibilities, you can't take a shortcut.
1 person likes this
@xiongqh (791)
• Hong Kong
25 Jan 07
I think you alway ask yourself these question is not good fo you.
There are no one can the answer where are we come from ,why we come here, where we will go, and so on...
LIfe meanning is diffcult to seek, but I just told a simple answer, help the others will make you feel good and happy.
I don't fear sucess, I know my success come because my hard work, and I pay for it, I should get it.
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Wow! I was afraid maybe this discussion was too deep and no one would participate, but these have been some great responses! I hope they keep coming because I'm really enjoying reading them!
@myslewis (286)
• Australia
25 Jan 07
We do sabotage our lives but I think there is always a reason and it may help to ask "what do I gain by this behaviour?"
Usually low self esteem is the environment from which the sabotage arises so maybe you could also ask "what do I gain by accepting low self esteem"
Its tricky to get an answer to this, but as long as you are thinking along these lines you are winning. The idea is to confront and challenge the negative thoughts.
I'm not sure if this is very clear but I hope it helps:)
1 person likes this
@villageanne (8553)
• United States
24 Jan 07
This is a great discussion. I also went to your blog and enjoyed the article on the farm and modern life. You are very talented.
Yes, I think sometimes we do sabotage our own growth. I know I am a child of Heavenly Father and I know I have great potential but I seem to forget this alot. I think we all do. If we would take the time to remind others of their potential instead of constantly tearing poeple down, maybe, just maybe we would find that we ourselves were much better than we ever gave ourselves credit for.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful article with me and for making me remember who I am and what potential I have inside me.
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
Thanks for the very kind reply! I'm glad you enjoyed the blog!
@meet_abhinesh (39)
• India
25 Jan 07
hiii.....
man u think just like me ....i too consider human being as powerful enf to do anything possible or may be impossible too......
impossible is actually nothing...it is the limit of our dare ....if we can dare more than we can take many impossible things as general or obvious ...i fully agree with the thought that we ourselves are responsible for everything ....if we dont want anything to happen in our lives then it cannot happen .....isnt it buddy ?
1 person likes this
@ControlledChaos (179)
• United States
25 Jan 07
You are right... Too bad we don't always remember that we set our own limits - whether we do it intentionally or not.
@anup12 (4177)
• India
25 Jan 07
Yes once you are successfull you ahve to hold that success.Holiding the success is very importnat and it beocmes fiery at times.Success brings it's own problems with it but still we all strive for it becuase that is what we want all our life.
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
Does this sound familiar ?"YOu are the master of your soul, the captain of your ship". WE dont need permission from anybody for whatever decisions we are to make for ourselves. We were given freewill by God. Only us will determine how to use our freewill, not other people. Success is a gift it is not sumtin to fear about. If you can handle failures then most probably you are best in handling success either.
@ritak3 (52)
• India
24 Jan 07
in my thoughts success just doesnt come by its own. you need to struggle hard to get it. there are few people too lucky that they are born lucky. and few are there who have to prove themselves from scratch. i guess you are one among them. you need to prove yourself from scratch. god is not on walls or papers or anything god is in everyone. if you help me today you are the god for me on this day and vice versa. god is watching everything. if you have gone through bad times thats been recorded and you will be gained equaly i mean when you get happiness, let it be for a second but that will wipe all your sorrows of life. and getting disapointed with your past is something you letting yourself down. you need to learn from your past and go ahead with future or present.
@raine_eph (78)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
yap i have that fear and believe it or not we are no longer getting younger each year right?? i fear that when my life ends i have this fear of, if have done this in my life or if i have accomplish the things i should do..nway there is plenty of time for us to get it going..keep up and reach for the highest star
@geejoy (344)
• Philippines
25 Jan 07
Once a priest told me that all positive things that come into our life are the doings of God and all those that are negative are of the devil himself.......our success is the result of our good deeds....failures are the results of wrong doings..im not referring success as being rich...there are different ways on how to measure success in a individual...if he/she is closer to God and he/she is contented and happy even if she is not that rich, i think you can consider him/her successful in the sense that he was able to succeed in driving satan from her/his life......those that are materially bountiful but then are not in spirit are failures in its deepest meaning......
