My First Love...and My Jealous Husband

I am on your husbands side. Sorry. I would never have alot of contact with an ex boy friend after I was married.

Man, I wish my first love would contact me! The mystery of where and how she is bothers me some times. Yes, my marriage is in BAD shape.... After the divorce is final I'll be starting a whole bunch of discussions!!!! Ed

If it truly causes grief in your marriage, I would tell you old flame that you are happpily married now and no longer feel the need for his company. Your husband should come first. If your old flame just recently started contacting you, it's not like you maintained the relationship anyway. I would choose my husband.

It is pure common sense that your husband isn't happy about your first love contacting you. Try seeing the situation from his point of view. Would you be happy to bless his ex and let him go ahead with a friendship. At this time he is not seeing when you preferred him to your ex. But he is thinking that he "might" loose you! I am not saying that you are going back to your ex either but your husband is thinking like every person does. Just let this first love go if you really don't want to upset him. If your first love was another person that you haven't been involved with, I would have thought differently.

if you had no other feelings with this guy then why can't you just leave this guy. How can he again contact you if he knows that you are married now. Your foremost duty is to take care of your husband and if your husband is not happy with your attitude or having a doubt then just leave that guy.

Just explain to him how deep u and the dudes relationshop was....and that he has ur heart now and u love him very much and dont wanna lose him over somthing this stupid

Nietzsche, in his book "Human, all too Human", says: Women are quite able to make friends with a man; but to preserve such a friendship - that no doubt requires the assistence of a slight physical antipathy. So, i guess your husband will never agree for this guy to remain your best friend and keep in contact. Although, as a girl, my point of view would be different, cause i do believe that sometimes xboyfriends could become one of your best friends, but unfortunately no husband would agree to such a thing.

Why would you continue to do something that makes your husband uncomfortable. When you get married, it's not about you, but about that other person along with their feelings and hangups. I can see why your husband would be jealous or uncomfortable with your "friendship" with this person. You've slept with this person before and shared a life (4 long years) so there is some history there and your husband has the right to be uncomfortable with that. Would you be uncomfortable with him being "close friends" with his ex that he'd proposed to and spent 4 years with? Not only that, but men know how other men think, and quite frankly even though you may see him as only a friend... he probably sees you in a different light. If there's something/someone that is causing friction in your marriage... you need to leave that alone and let it go hun.

It's a mind game don't you think? People date for things you have in common. Whether it turns into love or friendship. Your husband is obviously insecure of the common intersts that you had with the first guy. Insecurity causes jealousy. Your husband could have alot in common with the first love but is insecure in you possibly wanting change your mind. You need to help your husband realize you are secure in your relationship with him. Tell him the reasons you didn't want to marry your first love and the reasons you are in love with your husband. Get your husband to meet with you and your first love and see the friendship not the love that was in the past. Best of luck to you.

We have to see my ex because he is my brothers best friend now (thanks to me...LOL). My husband isn't intimidated by him at all. But we try to make sure we don't ever talk alone so we don't make his wife and my husband uncomfortable. If my husband was that uncomfortable, I would probably try to stay away but that would mean staying away from my brother's family family functions and that would be super hard. I'm not sure you can do anything but not return the contact to your ex. It may be hard because it was a friend of yours but if it makes you husband that upset, it would be worth it to keep him happy.

No, your husband is right. People are not "just friends" with someone they dated for four years, someone who proposed and got rejected, or someone who was proposed to and rejected it. There is an ulterior motive on one or both of your parts. You're not going to win this one. Respect your husband, or risk your marriage- it's your call.

If your husband get jealous better talk to your first love and tell him not to contact you because it might end up fighting between you and your husband for sure ur ex will understand because his a man also.Wait until your husband realize and notice that you don't really like or love your ex,till then he would accept the friendship of your ex. Don't push him to understand because thats not easy to do. And put yourself in his shoes you might do the same thing.

you couldn't blame your husband for getting so jealous. he has all the prerogative to feel that way. i suggest that the two of you sit down and talk about it. tell him what he needs and what he wants to hear. give him all the consolation words and the assurance of your fidelity. and lastly, show him that you are sincere with what you've told him. and don't ever break the trust that he will give you. it is indeed not easy for guys to understand us, girls. they easily get jealous than us. all you have to do is to prove him wrong.

you have to look at this from your husbands point of view. would you want him to be talking one of his ex's that he spent 4 years with. You might not have anything for him now but obviously you did at one point and time and you have memories with him. Your husband is just scared that he will lose you. I just want to ask you one question, if this ex of yours doesn't mean anything then why do you care whether or not you talk to him? I mean wouldn't making your husband happy be more important?

You won't. I have had a very similar situation. The best thing to do is not to speak with him. Please believe me, it would be best to let the past be the past.

it depends, i am in the same boat, but im not married. my first love and i were together for almost two years. after we broke up we stayed good friends. he is still apart of my family. he didnt have a mom so my mom took him in. so he is always at her house and it drives my boyfriend crazy when i go over there. he dosent go to my mom's house much anymore. anyway my point is, jealousy is a very ugly thing. but you do need to take a few minuets in his shoes. if your ex just started calling you out of the blue, then it shouldnt be to hard to cut the ties. If you have been friends for a long time then just do as others have said. make a list for your husband explaining to him why he has nothing to worry about, hopefully that can calm his fears.

i can see where your husband is coming from, because i am the same way about my boyfriend and his ex. He says that he does not have feelings for her but it's not that i don't trust him, i don't trust her. He was with her for 6 years and she had played him for those 6 years and it took his mom to get him away from her. But that is another story. So it could just be that he just does not trust him. i honestly feel that there can never be a friendship after you have been lovers.

you don't correspond with someone you have 'no feelings for' - and if your husband is not happy for 'obvious reasons' you are saying one thing and showing him another by your actions consider whether making your husband unhappy is really worth staying in communication with someone that you put out of your life years ago.

It really depends on one hand I agree with your husband. But I also understand your point aswell he is your friend and part of your past. Your husband should trust you, And im sure he does its the guy he doesnt trust which I understand and agree with. If you know your husband not to be a violent person maybe introduce them and assure your husband that your just friends nothing more.

It's not you he's concerned with, it's the motivations of the other guy. You might see your friend as just your friend, but I doubt your old flame sees it the same way. Honestly, he's not 'just an old friend', he's an old boyfriend. To me, that sort of situation contains way too much potential drama and I would not touch it with a ten-foot pole. I mean, on the flipside, I don't know a woman alive who wants her husband being friendly with his old girlfriends. I certainly would not be happy about it and I would expect any guy worth being married to having the same opinions.