Adultery
By hopeful28
@hopeful28 (1439)
Singapore
January 26, 2007 3:33am CST
Why is it that there is such a thing called Adultery? Why should someone allow himself/herself to fall in love with another person's spouse? I was guilty of this many years ago but I will never forget the experience because till now, as I look back, among all the guys I've gone out with, he was the one who made me feel the most loved without using me and therefore the hardest to break up with. Would any of you like to share your experience? Just sharing here, not pointing fingers.
10 people like this
40 responses
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
We all fall in love someitmes!!! This is true to all. But if we only be responsible for what will happen then probably we can control the feelings we have. If we think we are falling for somebody who is not free then let's try to make a little distant slowly in a way that we are not hurting ourselves too. Remember we are breaking a family here and that surely you would not want this to happen to you too. Be aware of the consequences that will be happening im sure we can all be guided.
2 people like this
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
8 Feb 07
I agree with one word that you mentioned here - responsible. If we are responsible and realise the consequences before it happens, it would help us to stay away. Thank you for your time.
1 person likes this
@Gwapako_28 (2140)
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
No one is perfect.But everyone got their own weaknesses.We fall in love when we know that we are special especially if we like that someone who is giving some affection to us.We all knew that Adultery is a big sin.But there are moments that we cant just ignore that kind of situation.Usually there would be a possible that we entertain it instead.Thats why we need to get tough on all any kind of temptation especially we knew that we are already taken and married!
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
26 Jan 07
Yes, adultery is a sin. I have asked the Lord's forgiveness. If it was so easy to control ourselves, this would not be a problem any more isn't it? Anyway, for me, it is over and done with. I'm glad I am no longer a part of it.
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
8 Feb 07
I appreciate your taking time to respond. Sometimes when we don't control ourselves, it leads to heartache for us and other people as well.
1 person likes this
@bmjut247 (171)
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
hmm... i cant blame you. people who feel they are strangled with their current marriage tend to be more loving toward others. this means that they long to be loved just like the way they love their new prospect/current (forbidden) partner.
but this kind of relationship should be avoided because it harbors countless complexities and may injure the family of the married individual.
@vdhill (65)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Women, in particular, "allow" themselves to fall in love with married men out of lonliness and selfishness. Because they find themselves alone and unloved, they completely ignore the man's marital status and indulge themselves anyway. There comes a point in life when we become responsible for our decisions. When a woman knows a man is married and she purposely involves herself with him, she bears the blame for her behavior. If you learned something from the experience, that's fine. Hopefully, you didn't cause this man's wife any pain.
1 person likes this
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
26 Jan 07
It takes 2 hands to clap doesn't it? The guy should be upfront about his marital statusn and not let anything develop. I also hope I stopped it in time before the wife got hurt. It ended when I found out he was married.
1 person likes this
@TammyL (39)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Good that you ended it when you found out. And I agree that it takes 2 to tango. In addition I have had many married men hit on me & have seen them tring to get with other women. Personally I think we are all responsible for our actions. Also I don't think that men or women who cheat are any more or less innocent than the other.
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
8 Feb 07
well the power of lust & greed is strong and if I found out that my husband cheated on me I would not get upset with the person he cheated with but with him in fact hes the one I trusted with my heart and these day my life.I did meet a guy yrs back who was so nice great until I found out that he was married it was hard to just leave when he was so great when he was with me i could be my self and we was him self but eventually it ended i also found out he had 3 kids 2 with his wife said he loved me and just wanted to be with me thats why he did not tell me but the thing is looking back I think he was only thinking about himself and not what this mite do to me his wife and his kids adulterers are selfish beings and therefore cannot be trusted.
2 people like this
@ashjoe76 (1422)
• India
26 Jan 07
I do not have any such experience, but I can understand you very well. The rules that we have set about family and commitment is sometimes not sufficient enough to accommodate such experiences, but don't you think that it is just natural that things like that happen? There is no one to be blamed, since some people get along really well, and if a relationship beyond friendship takes place there, how can we consider it a bad thing? I just wish our social and religious institutions try to understand this and leave man-woman relationships a bit more open.
1 person likes this
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
26 Jan 07
It depends on what your principles and beliefs are regarding this. The problem is people do get hurt because of extramarital relationships and also when it involves kids it makes it even more serious. We all have to take the consequences of our actions and be accountable for it. I am a Christian, so I acknowledge adultery to be sin and I have suffered the consequences and am holding myself accountable to God.
@honeybunnie (51)
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
how do you do it? even though how many times my husband cheats i dont have the guts and the heart to cheat on him?
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
26 Jan 07
My dear honeybunnie, I am not encouraging you to cheat on your husband. Just because he is doing something wrong shouldn't instigate you to do likewise. Treat him so nice that he can't bear to hurt you. I really hope it will work out for you.
@TammyL (39)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I am no expert honeybunnie but I know that you shouldn't sleep with someone to get back at someone else. I have seen women cheat as pay back and it never worked for them. Now they may deny it but I could see that once the fact that they had cheated on their man got out it was not a happy day. And sometimes they ended up being the one who got hurt and used by 2 men. In one case in particular a woman who worked at my office was cheating with a man at work. The cheaters hid it well but when the guy found another girl the f**k the s**t hit the fan. The cheating woman jumped up one day and started tossing office supplies at the guy. As they removed her kicking and screaming she stated " you got me pregnant and gave me an STD and now you are f**king her?" The moral is f**king around can get you f**ked over worse that what was wrong at home.
@talkative (11)
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
marriage is not a game of who has the guts to do it... it is a sacred relationship that needs to be respected. if the other partner cheats that does not mean that you should cheat back, show him that you have the decency to do right thing... dump him and take a lover LOL, that way he would not have the upper hand of saying that you did it to. but of course it is easier said than done. look deep in your heart and you will know eventually what you should do, remember, a mistake can never be corrected by committing another mistake.
@rozebara (139)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
Commiting that kind of sin is really hard to forget specially when you feel someone that gives you so much respect,love and care which you dont experience it with your own spouse.
But when God taught me not to continue that sin by reading the Bible, i realize i had to quit that kind of relationship, even its so hard for me i let myself out of it, im thinking whats the best for me, i feel scared for whatever consequece it might be if i continue that kind of sin. Now i have no regret on my decision because i believe God Jesus loves me thats why He take good care of my soul.
1 person likes this
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
27 Jan 07
Amen to that. I thank God for bringing me out of the pits and to live a safe life in His arms as I determine to follow His Word for the rest of my life. God bless you.
@iamiramadnama (421)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
Adultery is a name like any other name, call it whatever you want and the definition is still the same.. a married person sleeping with another person. Personally, I would never commit adultery.. if I was so unhappy with my husband that I thought the only way to be happy was with another man, I would leave my husband. I wouldn't want to hurt him further by sleeping around on him, and then have to tell him that I had an affair because he wasn't making me happy in some way.
There are so many ways to stop affairs from happening, but people rarely take the right road. You leave your spouse.. then you're not cheating, or you tell your spouse that you're not happy about something in the relationship, and you fix it. It's all pretty simple.
@TammyL (39)
• United States
27 Jan 07
I have never commited adultery, although I am not married. I just figured that I don't want a man I already know is dishonest and self centered. I have a question. Iamiramadnama, maybe you can give me some advise. What if the person you are with knows you are unhappy and only wants to fix the relationship when you are saying you want to split? And what if you are very attached to them because you have been with them for so long. Also to add to the situation you live together and have some bills and other financial responsibilities in the home and they are doing not so well financially? I am asking because I am not able to just leave or just fix the problem. Has anyone been able to handle things so simply? If so please tell me as much as you feel comfortable about how you did this.
@kamirajput (44)
• Pakistan
27 Jan 07
dont think like that, you know that whatever you do, same will be return back to you, so if you look at someone spouse then think that someone is watching you spouse too
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
27 Jan 07
Actually, I used the wrong term all along, because I wrongly used the word Adultery when it should have been Fornication because I have never been married. So I am not cheaing on my virtual spouse. But I agree that whether it is A or F, both are wrong and I am not doing it again.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
12 Feb 07
We as humans don't have control sometimes of our feeling when it comes to love. That is a complicated emotion. People sometimes don't mean to fall in love with another persons spouse but if you are around them on a regular basis and they listen to what your saying closely then feelings start to evolve. If you realize that then you could stop going around them or talking to them but that wouldn't really solve the problem because the feelings would still be there. A person should talk it out with the other person and not in a place by themselves but in a public place. Try to figure out how the feelings started and what to do about them.
@dejiflow (128)
• Nigeria
26 Jan 07
You started by condemning adultery, and it should be condemned, but you ended by describing your adulterous affair as the best relationship you have ever had. Now, that is very dangerous because those who feel that way , often go seeking their sin partner, at the first sign of trouble in their marriage. I pray you will never again go in that direction.
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
27 Jan 07
I am sharing my experience for discussion sake. Also, I don't go out of my way to hurt people. It's been over more than 15 years and I have not seen or heard from him since.
@twinkle100383 (60)
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
allowing yourself to fall inlove is not a question.its letting yourself fall inlove over someone you shouldn't have.i know flaws and weaknesses exist but you mst put yourself to the shoes of those who will get hurt if ever they found out what you have been doing. i bet you wont like it if it happens to you.however he made you feel loved and cared.its still wrong.
i myself got attractions to those men who seems to care for me a lil bit more than my man right now.but b4 i think about getting involve with them..i also consider how my man would feel if he ever found out im messing up with another men
@hopeful28 (1439)
• Singapore
26 Jan 07
I do agree with you that we should think of the consequences of our actions. If I were the wife, I would be hurt and feel betrayed. I am not condoning adultery and if I knew he was married from the start, I wouldn't have gotten into it.
@gemini1960 (1161)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
its not good to commit adultery..its stated in the bible..do you believe in God?? have fear on Him if you do..then you wont do it...but since humans are given the free will ...we can do whatever we want to do in our life...as long as it is morally accepted in the society or not...but committing that kind of activities are condoned in our society and its illegal...
@manmaxman (850)
• India
12 Feb 07
u r saying right there is some one how loves me without want using me to .................
but i m the one how is badlucked that she is one of my relative
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
27 Jan 07
Many wise members have already contributed their considered opinion on your question. I think, as long as you enjoyed it (relationship) and this type of relationship did not effect or hurt others, it was OK. If you have ended the relationship, it is not clear why are you feeling guilty consious or carrying the guilt till now. If you are no more into any relationship with THAT man, you need not bother now.
