Disappointments

my mom had a simular problem with me.. eventually she decided to stop helping me so i would HAVE to help MYSELF! at first i was very very angry with her for doing what she did, but in the end it really was the best thing for me, and we are much closer now as well :)

Give mama a standing ovation.Suffering brings obedience.The hardest thing for a mother to do is let their child suffer when she could help.I know for I have grown kids of my own.If you bail him out,everytime,what has he got to lose?He must suffer for his choices in order for him to learn and change.If you carried him around when he was small everytime he fell,you'd be still carrying him today,whoops,you are still carrying him today because you've carried him too much.Please learn to ignore his troubles because these troubles are caused by his own choices,so why should you fret over his choices?It's not like things are "just" happening,he is causing his own problems and you are causing yours.Let him fall,he can get back up anf if he doesn't,oh well,choices,it's all about the choices we make,or don't make.

I can understand what you're going through. I practically raised my brother, who is now 28, and going through much the same thing as your son. My brother is an extremely intelligent man, not abusive in the least, but seemingly dependent on other people all the time. He's gone through 2 years of college, a tour in the Army, more jobs than I can count, and still seems to have no direction in his life. I've helped him out repeatedly, both financially and with advice, support, etc. However, after repeated attempts at steering him in the right direction I've finally decided that the only thing I can do is wish him the best and send him on his own to find his own way and become a self-reliant man.

ok..well i first want to say..I dont want to offend you in any way at all..whatever i say is me trying to help you,ok? Now..he is 28 yrs old..and he wont grow up..because you have never made him grow up..he knows he ccan always come back to you and you will bail him out,he has a problem and its called,.,IMMATURE..you need to make him grow up..fast like..this is what is called TOUGH LOVE..hun,believe me,this is going to be for his own good,,or he will always rely on you..and when you pass..he will have no idea what to do with himself.,,righ now,you need to make him live on his own.,.suffer his own consenquences, and relize..the ride is over,.You need to do this and i know it willk kill you to see him suffer,,but,,.deep in your heart..you know it has to be..he needs to learn..and grow up..and if he ends up in jail..leave him..and make him learn..i dont want to sound harsh or mean..but..its just something you have to do..good luck,

This is one of life's ironies. Children brought up in love and healthy family atmosphere turn out problematic and some who are brought up in broken homes with problematic parents turn out to be responsible individuals and productive members of the society. Obviously, you have done your best to see your son become a responsible person but far from seeing the desired results. Sometimes we just have to face the fact that after we have done our best we still fail. This hurts but it's one of life's harsh realities. I hope that one day your son will realize his shortcomings and start to turn a new leaf even as an act of gratitude to his parents. Life has full of surprises to, who knows.

Hi Emilee..I think you better have a chat with your son..tell him how you feel...let him know that you care and support him but let him know you won't always do that...be strict don't let him abuse your being a mother...tell him not to borrow unless he is sure he can pay because you won't pay it for him. He is old enough and he should be the one supporting you now..you didn't fail him...he is failing himself...don't think it's u who have a problem..Mothers love their children and don't want to turn them bad...the children are to blame when they turn their backs on their parents and don't obey...only proper guidance and support will help..

This kind of problems wont get solved by just discussions here, you need to seek help first for yourself, I mean seek a professional that can help you realise what part yu played or not played in raising him, I would hate to judge you as a good or bad parent just by this limited knowledge. I think you know the solution but just want our assurance to take it up. ANswer always is with us but we so many times fail to realise this. Try not supporting him at all, stop bailing him out let him fumble and fall then only he may realise but as a parent thats the most difficult thing to do. thats why I want you to seek professional counselling sessions, so that you can make the right decision.

Well it's understandable why you end up forgiving him, it's because you are a mother and you are thinking with your emotions and not your head. He knows that he can fail or mess up and not really try because he has you to fall back on and help him with his troubles. The problem at this point is not you, it is him but in order for him to learn and be able to stand on his two feet, you will have to stop supporting him financially and stop falling into the same pattern with him. That is the only way he will get somewhere in life. In the end it will be best for him. You constantly helping him will only be hurting the situation. You'll need to cut the strings. You aren't responsible anymore for his problems, HE IS. Good luck.

I don't think anyone here can give you a good answer, because these kinds of problems can't be resolved with superficial insights... Where you went wrong in his upbringing is something that needs a lot more information than what you're giving here. Maybe you should consult with a professional or someome used to hear about these problems (a therapist, a social worker, a priest,...). Some people in my family have hurt me a lot, but I can't say what I felt was disappointment.

no i dont have any disappointments.. because they are keeping me and safe.. what i just aske..?? they will do immediately and i have a sweet family of mine.. and i wish u all want to have a family like i had.. and i wish u all the success in ur life.. my friend..

At 28 I am sure you have tried everything, sometimes the only thing you can really do is kick him out... but I am sure you have tried this as well. I don't want to sound crude but I am sure you did a fine time raising him... but if he is living in your home at 28 you definatley need to let him go. He needs to get a wife and have children of his own, and contribute to society. He can't and he won't be pushed to do any of these things. I suggest helping him get an a apartment, maybe pay the move in fee and first months rent and tell him hes cut off. He will be so ashamed that he might get angry at you. It might be the only way you can save your son.

ya i have disappoinments with my friends but i was never disappointed by my family members... my mom and dad are so cool.. they never puts any restrictions on me, they give me as much liberty as must be.. because they know that i can never misuse any liberty which they gave to me...

Maybe its about time for you to realize that too much of anything hurts or even kills..The problem with you is that you love your son so much that you always give in to his whims and caprices. Now is the time for you to be decisive enough and let your son sit and listen to all your concerns. Discuss the matter seriously, sum up his achievements and failures. Make a resolution that he reached the the boundaries and that you're putting an end with all the support both physical and financial but you're still there to listen and he can still consult for your advice. Keeping this resolution and saying a big NO will bring him a lot of trouble but in the end, it will teach him his lessons and make him a better person in the end. Goodluck, and I hope you do this ASAP.

This happened again and again because of security. Your son feel secure because of you and he doesn't care about money, business. He know that my Mom will help me in worst cases. In this age, bad experiences of your son can change him. He have to relise the things. Don't mind but in small cases if u stop supporting him, maybe he can start changing. In this age u can't send him any other place so marriage will be other option.

Your son is 28 and he is still living at home? That is sad. You need to kick him out of the house and tell him to get a real job and start being responsible. At the age of 28, he should be a man and quit relying on mommy.

I think beyond a certain point, it is not the parent's problem if their child is unable to deal with the world on their own. Every family seems to have their disappointments.

Some of that sounds like a 28 year old guy doing what they do, making a mess of things. However- that can't go on. If this continues, the messes could get worse. Debts are dangerous habits, and he's lucky he got away with the previous efforts. The abuse can stop, too, as much on principle as for any other reason. The word is "No." You can't cover all the angles. Add to that the fact that sometimes the money really just isn't available. Reality has to be faced eventually, it's really just a question of when. Suggest you give some thought to locking in your own financial supports, to avoid spreading the risk further than either of you can afford. One positive thing: He did run a successful business. Failure hurts. He'll be resenting that, particularly his own mess. Guys never quite forget an embarrassment, so that might be an incentive to getting real about what he does next. He won't need reminding, but see if he's making a point of avoiding the previous train wreck. If so, he's learning.

i dont have any disappointments with my family member but i feel i can give some suggestions which would be helpful to you.hey if u feel that you have raised your son the way you wanted him to be then you shouldn't regret at all.parents cant watch their children's back always.well you know that you can judge a person judging what kinda frens one has.so what i am trying to tell is that stop worryin about your son.he has grown up and surely would be knowing what is wrong and what is not.i feel you should get him married so that he wont freak out the way he used to as there would be more responsibility on his shoulders.

This may not be very appealing to you but I advise you to contact a feng shui master. There are some things in your house which run contrary to his sign and position in the house as a son. Feng Shui is not make believe. It is the product of a scientific research of the Chinese Emperor's cluster of advisers which took them so many hundreds of years to fully conceive. It is a wise move to take heed of their advise. If you are Filipino, look up for Merlina Merton in the phone directory. Otherwise, you'll have to find someone else in your locality or buy some books relative to feng shui (about house construction) and do the revisions yourself after a thorough study on the matter.

Dont blame your self my dear,Do you remember the "Prodigal son" story in the Bible? the uncondiotional love of his father never stop on his son,inspite of everything he done to him inspite of so many embarassing moment he did. He continue to pray for his son, he ask God for mercy and keep on begging God to change his son, and his waiting last...one day his son come back and asked forgiveness. Pray deeply for your son my dear, Only God can change him..... Just continue to love him because God had a good purpose why He let you in this kind of situation...He wants you to learn, He wants you to call Him and talk to Him. Maybe this is the right time for you?