child support
By KANSAS13
@KANSAS13 (38)
United States
February 1, 2007 12:25pm CST
why is it that some and i mean some fathers don't want to pay child support? and why do some fathers think that the money they do pay in child support will benifit the mother? i have a child who's father refused to pay child support until the state i live in started to take it out of his paycheck. before we divorced he used to tell me that i would never see a dime from him, and i didn't until the state took it. he pays 370 dollars a month. my daughter is 13 and believe me she needs alot , i don't mind supporting my part of raising her and prviding for her. why does he?? i mean she not only needs clothes, shelter and food, she needs to go on school trips, movies eat out and go out with friends, and we won't even talk about the mall. school lunch alone is 40 dollars a month and that is just one of the little things, school pics this year were 50 dollars, and then the year book cost. i'm sorry for going on and on, but this is one subject that i will never understand and i guess i needed to vent a little, so thanks to anyone and everyone you listened. and let me add, to all you dads out there who do pay your child support and even go the extra mile and give more to your child, you are what a real dad is. and never forget the most important thing is that you spend time with your children and always let them know they are loved by both parents no matter what.
12 people like this
36 responses
@hotmamma_05 (183)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thats messed up so does he just nhave the money takin out and go on about his business. Does he spend time with her? I think that a dad should pay child support and spend time with their kids. He shouldn't take it out on your daughter, she needs things and believe me my little sister is 14 and the only thing comming out of her mouth is money, money, money,-she thinks all her wants are needs. Its really annoying because thats all she want and if she don't get it be prepared for a b*tch fest. Do you not get the option for your kid to have free lunch at her school? We do down here in Texas. Well I hope you feel better some guys are just D*cks,who knows maybe he'll change.
2 people like this
@KANSAS13 (38)
• United States
1 Feb 07
no he does not spend any time with her, a phone call once in a while, and he only lives 5 hours from us. that is what hurts more than anything, a girl needs her dad. and yes we do have free lunch here, i just choose to at least try and take care of her myself. believe me if i ever couldn't pay for her to eat i would take the help, i would never let her suffer. i also am lucky to have a very close extended family, if i need help with something they chip in when it comes to my daughter. as far as his family the only person out of his 7 brothers and sisters and mother that even stay in touch with her is his mother. she never forgets a birthday or christmas and she is on a fixed income.
1 person likes this
@jtmblossom (470)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
Many would think that it will benefit the mother. ISnt it true?BUt see most of them just want money from the guy.. There's a lot of mothers out there that after their divorce,separation or annulment,they would ask money from the guy,the guy gave them,and do you think the money went to their kids?Nope,it went to the mothers facial and other womans daily activity. If they have to give monthly support,it must be direct to the kids daily needs
2 people like this
@mystikel (577)
• Australia
1 Feb 07
My ex has not paid in the past...or he would change jobs so he didnt have to pay....for ages there he was on $20 a month...that buys nothing. Now he is on $120 a month. That pays for sons swimming and scouts but thats about it. I work casually so I can give my kids extra treats like a night at the movies etc.
2 people like this
@Pekachu (1112)
• United States
1 Feb 07
because they are selfish and care about no one else believe me i know i am divorced and he didnt pay untill 2 years ago and my son is special needs and now he only has to pay back support while i still have to take care of my son who will forever be a child he has never lent a hand to help thats just plain selfish LOOOSER!!!!
2 people like this
@filchi (291)
• Netherlands
1 Feb 07
I get interested on what you posted. Why not try to list down the expenses and if possible reciepts of the expenses to show it to your ex? If it doesnt work, then there are really just people ?even'can abandon their own child. Maybe in the future you can explaint things to your child on how you sacrifice to raise her well and give a good future; then it is all up with her on what to tell then to her father. I understand what you are going through as i am also a mother, though not to this situation yet...hope not. But i wish your husband will change his mind and will realize things.
@momokoseiya (453)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I agree with you completely. I think that certain men are just too selfish to want to pay child support. They think that children are the women's responsibility and that they shouldn't have to pay. At least that's what my ex said when we broke up. We have a son together, and he also refused to pay. So, I am getting his paycheck garnished as well.
The little bit that women do get from child support isn't a lot, but it does help. Men should not whine about paying support because it is such a small amount! While 17% of their income is paid in child support, probably 50%-75% of your income goes to your daughter. That is something the refuse to acknowledge.
2 people like this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Well, here is my story, my father was paying child support for 14 years, then he wrote me a letter, wrote me a letter of crying out loud, to tell me he was dying of Cancer, then he sent me a 13 page print out of my family history. That was all. He never writes, he never calls, he never visits, and then he sends me a letter and 13 pages of names and dates. What the Hell? I am your daughter, I deserve more than that. I do not want money of material goods, I need my damn father. Right abandoned children of the world? We need our parents, not a freakin' check every month. Sure the money comes in handy, but why not be a man and spend time with me.
@lynninky (491)
• United States
2 Feb 07
Yuo have had it rough and you still want to see your dad.you must have a good hearted mother who did not try to turn you against your dad.you are a sweetheart do not give up on your dad. maybe for what ever reason when you turn 18 your dad will be in your life.i see it all the time. having to see, deal , just say hi to the ex keeps them away from the kids.it is not fair but it happens.I see this a lot with some of my friends brothers.they do send the child support but never see the kids.They say it is because of the mother that if there was some other place like the grandmas they could pick them up they would. I do not know how your parents get along so it may be different.I think if the mother should something to talk to the father about the child, money whatever it should never be at pick up or drop off times. The bad thing is some of these guys are so good with kids (other peoples kids)just think how great they could be with thier own kids. I would say ,you think the money is not a big deal but may be your mom tells him that it is.I do know that my husband as been having a time from his exwife and his son thinks his mother is being wonderful to him.His son is how 14 his dad has been paying child support since he was 5 years old. He paid it on time right a long with medical bills so he could see the child whenever he wanted to.I have to tell you we live 5 1/2 hours away and with him working 6 days a week it is hard to make the drive.Get home at 5 on staurday 11 hours there and back, time he gets home it is time to take him back.then he is worn out for work the next day.until my husband got laid off from his job everything was going good but his employer did not pay in the unemployment. so until he found another job we was living on my job at wal martat 1245.00 a month we sent her half of the child support which was 322.00. it was 5 months before he got a call to go to work.during the time he was off he call his son but no answer, he called every weekend judge rules.when no one answered he call during the week his ex wife answered and told him to stop calling.that he did nothng for the child.he started to work and with four days she had papers sent to the house trying to say he had not paid any support. we proved her worng there but she did get more money which made it 685.00 a month.still no one would answer the phone , took her to court , judge told her it was not up to her to stop visitation or calls.it never helped his son who answered the phone when he was 5, 6, 7, 8 , 9 now never answers the phone.his dad calls but no one tells him, he is never at home on the weekend now.his dad could not get anyone to answer the calls (which now they have all of our numbers blocked)so he did not go to pick him up at christmas and birthdays. judge said where he has migraines that he had to check with his mother before picking him up (call first)so he sent his gifts.well the childs her acts like she just hates he dad now for hurting her baby, but she is the one that will not let him have his calls, will not let him return a call (not even with the 50.00 calling cards he sent)plus she took the prizes and told him that they was from someone else maybe her i do not know,he called last thanksgiving to tell his dad that he did not want anything to do with him, that he did not want anything from him, all he wanted was for his dad to stop calling that he never did anything for him.so his dad ask what are you saying that you want your stepfather to adopt you? he said yes he does everything for me, him and mom pays for everything i get you do not.then this christmas he came to his dads mothers house for a week and did ot want to leave to go home .he also plans to come back in the summer.so we are thinking life must not be that great at his house.I can tell you and everyone this child zacharys dad did everything he could outside of going down there and busting into the house which would have put him in jail would have made him look worse to the judge and all. he went to court, he tried to go though ex wifes mother but didnot work.sometimes there are other issues.all of his dads family members tried to call the child but no one answered. but zachary doesn't believe that they tried to call either. now why would his 82 yr old great great grandma lie about it..you are a teenager why would he act this way.maybe his mom is putting stuff in his head, maybe his stepfather.
1 person likes this
@fiyahcreation (2140)
• United States
2 Feb 07
they are just inconsiderate scum, some men don't think they have as much responsibility as the mothers do
1 person likes this
@kerbausama (1335)
• Malaysia
2 Feb 07
not fair for child if father not give money to them..
,
1 person likes this
@Garcia5 (77)
• United States
2 Feb 07
I have a friend who was with a woman when he was a teen and they had kids together. He quit school and got a job and bought a house and they lived together for a little while. Eventually she started to mess around and then made some serious accusations about him to the authorities, more for getting him out of the house so she could be with her other boyfriend/s. When he left he decided to join the Army and just say forget it.He began to pay child support unwillingly and eventually when he was out fo the Army he stopped all together. When I asked him what his deal was, that those were his kids (a fact he says he is still unsure of to this day), he says, "I've got more time then I do money. If the court wants to lock me up for not paying then I'll get three meals a day and a cot". I guess some guys are like that. If my wife and I ever seperated (and this is going on the assumption that it was a mutial split though I can't ever see that happening) then I'd do everything in my power to make sure that I am able to not only see my children but that they are well taken care of. When you become a parent you are taking on the responsibility of a fragile human life. I would kill or die for my kids rather then have them suffer even for a minute.
1 person likes this
@XxAngelxX (2830)
• Canada
2 Feb 07
Thankfully I don't have this problem. I have three children and recently separated from my husband. We are not divorced and I don't care about that, I'm not planning on ever getting remarried so that part makes no difference to me. He is very good about paying child support and he has no problem chipping in to pay the extras such as when the children are invited to birthday parties or such. I don't understand why fathers out there wouldn't want to support the children they helped to bring into this world. It makes no sense to me and I feel sorry for the mothers who have to suffer because of them acting that way.
1 person likes this
@marief2rnurse (2704)
• United States
2 Feb 07
That is because some men don't have a conscience. You are lucky you are in the US and some states take it out of the guy's paycheck whether they like it or not. I live in the Philippines and have 2 kids with this guy who didn't want to give me any money for the 2. It was so hard to get 1,000pesos from him when he makes 14,000 a month. My kids food per day costs 300, school is 1,500 monthly, school bus is 400 each monthly... clothing and all that other good stuff too ofcourse. I also can't believe they tell us that we're just gonna use it to date a new guy... what the nerver, it's not even enough to feed their kid! Anyway, I'm trying my best so that when my kids grow up they will see who really cares about them.
1 person likes this
@sandphinx (131)
•
1 Feb 07
this is a major problem in england too. the men tend to go off and get married again and have another family which they tend to put first. the first partner often lives on social security and they deduct the amount the absent father pays. can i just point out that this is not always the case and a lot of absent fathers do as much as they can for their kids and a lot of single mums work hard to provide.
2 people like this
@lynninky (491)
• United States
2 Feb 07
It is refreshing to hear a woman put the child first. i was the same way, it was not worth the hassle. all i wanted was for my sons dad to spend time with him. I knew while he was out with him he would buy him things.I also knew if i went for child support my son would not get to see his dad as much if at all.A lot of them will buy the clothes for school, winter,shoes, pay or pay on yearbooks/pictures, school trips and see take the child out if there is no set child support.I loved my child and i knew he could live with me for free (you know shelter,food,tv,phone,electric,water) i was/am a adult i have to have that stuff even if there was no child...i was just happy i had my son.i guess that is the way most men would feel if the judge would grant them the child (screw the support i have my child). for some of these women that say they can't rise one child on 685.00 a month the judge should take the child away and give it to the father.
1 person likes this
@lynninky (491)
• United States
2 Feb 07
i think mostly it is because father that do pay child support are a public record.every year the state sends out a letter to see if the mom wants to see if they can get more money and it is a never end thing. now a man trying to support his first family and the second family by working lots of overtime is railroaded into paying very high support because he work overtime to try to get enough money saved bak to take his child and new they on vacation.then that amount is locked in and the judges do not want to lower it even if overtime can't be worked. as far as the mother using the support. i think some men say it to get back at the ex. then some men know the kids mother well and knows her lazy butt will not work but she still has those nails done and hair dos, weaves like on maury shows. so how she going to pay for these things. most men let go of the child because they try to get back at the mother, or they do not want to have to encounter the mother at pick up or drop off.i guess some men wonder how these couples that work at wal mart support a family of three or four or five when a women tells everyone she is having a hard time supporting one child on like 8000.00 a year thats like a part time salary. in your case you get 4440.00 a year in support to take care of your child.well i do not spend 4000.00 a year on my 17 year old this is his senior year.i will when he goes to college be spending more. i can not think of what people would have to spend on kids in college if they are spending 8000.00 on just them in school. thats 8000.00 plus 1600.00 every two month for the college.wow unbelieveable huh ? i do not know many people that do spend 4000.00 a year on one teenage child.my son wears nothing but the best, i have to order his size 18 shoes,he is in three sports,and he eats for three people, we have the whole team over most evening but we make it work , my son is happy with both parents.most men have to work day and night to make a good living and i guess they think the women should keep her ownself up like the adult that she is.you can ask many men and not one of them well tell you why they feel that way.
1 person likes this
@FloatingGum (346)
• United States
2 Feb 07
What about mothers who don't pay support to the custodial fathers?
My partner *was* getting $23 every 2 weeks from his ex-wife for 2 kids who are teenagers. That didn't even pay their lunch money. Her excuse was that was all she could afford. Now you know if that was the man, the judge would be telling him to go out and get a second job if he had to to make the money. I believe the state guidelines here are $100 a week per child.
So she got sick and stopped working and stopped paying. Meanwhile she and her new husband are buying computers and all - we have the IM records of her telling the kids this. She sent $25 for the whole month of January and nothing else since October. I just paid $30 for his son to have a new pair of sneakers cause he had holes in the old ones and it's below zero.
So I just wish they would go after the mothers who are deadbeats as much as they go after the fathers.
1 person likes this
@yanple (164)
• Philippines
2 Feb 07
i agree to your last words. that's what's important, that kids don't feel neglected at all by both parents. and more than the financial support, the physical aspect of togetherness is what really matters.
in terms of money, i guess most fathers really don't know how expensive it is to raise a child. since he doesn't get to see his child 24/7, he's not aware of all the expenses that can pile up every minute of the day. i guess you just have to make a list of all your child's payables so he'll have an idea.
1 person likes this
@indywahm (808)
• United States
2 Feb 07
It took me 13 years to get the child support owed to my daughter! and then last year he went and filed disability so now my daughter gets nothing and really needs it now because she is getting ready for college. Oh well . And the courts do not help.
1 person likes this
